Emotional space

[seekingERPnorthwest]

Hey, I just came across this topic! It's something I need to figure out!

[seekingERPnorthwest]

I have realised how some people are a lot more demanding than others - somehow they elicit & usually achieve a much greater response than others. Anyone understand what I am on about? Up til now I have been drawn to people like this & thought that their way of being is what being "friendly" is. In the last few weeks I'm wondering about reassessing this because it actually takes a massive amount of energy to respond to people like this and seems to deplete me somehow instead of enriching me.... (?)

[taurean]

Why worry about it? 

As an insurance broker I was like the central hub of a wheel, with spokes going out to all the other parties in a deal. 

As I went through my work I would come across, and need to deal with, all types of human character. 

It was my job to be able to deal satisfactorily with them, come what may. 

Was it difficult? Not really. You learned how to do this from courses, mentoring, and personal experience. 

When we got really good at this, we could literally cope with anything. 

Far better then surely to enter the "University of Life" and learn how to deal with "all characters great and small"

 

[seekingERPnorthwest]

Thanks for your post

[seekingERPnorthwest]

I'm obsessed with fairness so I suppose I was analysing the fairness or lack of of some people's dominance. Oh - analysing again!!

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

Get over OCD and you can get your life back and move to your own place. When it comes to your parents they are probably feeling helpless, please don't be too hard on them. And stop the analyzing

[Angst]

I am not sure what you mean by emotional space. But too me emotional space involves a physical space. Having your own place be it a property or a room. A place where you decide who can be there and who can not. Now many in the past and now cannot have this rather as they may live in dormitories provided by their employers as in many parts of the world. The provision of private rooms in mental hospitals rather than open wards which were often mixed sex is an example of an improvement.

[seekingERPnorthwest]

2 hours ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

And stop the analysing!

Like what else is my brain for though? (!)

[taurean]

It isn't for worrying and constantly ruminating and analysing. 

According to my therapist, who teaches mindfulness-based CBT for OCD, we do all that unhelpful worrying and carrying out of compulsions in the active "doing" part of the brain. In OCD the brain gets "locked" into continuing to do this. 

And worry is when we go round and round a problem without ever determining a solution. 

With ruminating, we connect with an OCD intrusive thought and keep on thinking and researching, but this only makes the belief in the OCD stronger. 

However, when we can learn to switch our focus into the benign "just being" part of the brain, and into mindfulness, we shut off that constant searching for an answer, and we learn to operate in the present, in the moment, with a calm and peaceful mind. 

This was absolutely game-changing for me, and broke me out of that Brainlock. 

[seekingERPnorthwest]

Thanks so much

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

10 hours ago, seekingERPnorthwest said:

Like what else is my brain for though? (!)

Sorry I don't understand