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Valamist

Should I tell my mum my Intrusive Thoughts may have returned?

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So, a slight back story. A few years ago I had a serious attack of Intrusive Thoughts/Harm OCD. It really hit me for six, and kinda shut me down. I got over it, thanks to CBT and clomipramine. Now fast forward to now, and intrusive thoughts no longer give me bother… until yesterday, that is. You see, my OCD was flared with something else, and I managed to deal with it. Yay me. And then, just hours later, I get an intrusive thought that affected me. I suppose its because my brain decided I was too free of worry and decided to do something about it! Now I am in a weird state, where I am examining all my thoughts and feelings, somewhat worried that I am returning to how I was years ago.


Thats not all, however, you see my mum is always telling me to tell her if something is worrying me, and I have that urge, but there are a few reasons why I am hesitant to do that. You see, despite everything I think she still does not understand intrusive thoughts. She got really freaked out and scared when it happened to me last time, fearing that having the thought at all meant a bad thing could happen. Another issue is that I am very prone to confessional OCD. My first big attack of Harm OCD came after months of Confessional OCD to my mum. I fear her ‘tell me everything!’ attuned will just make my thoughts worse, and give them more power if I feel I need to tell my mum every single thought that comes along. Speaking of which, I am feeling rather OK at the same time as panicking a bit. Like, years ago I had such thoughts and I was paralyzed with fear, unable to sleep or see a future. Now its more like ‘Oh, YOU again’ I know its just thoughts, I know I am not gonna do anything. I am just disappointed they are affecting me this way again. I know that my mum is not always going to be here, and whilst there are people around me I can talk too, I feel I am a point in my life when I can get thought this myself.  Speaking of which, the big one, my Mum is not well and is dealing with a lot of things herself. A few weeks ago she was diagnosed with cancer and next week she is going in for a serious operation, so naturally, I do not want her to worry.

So, any advice would be appreciated!

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Looks like you have a good insight into OCD's MO, and you've answered your own question there. You know what to do, do nothing. 

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@Valamist - First, I am sorry to hear about both your struggles and your mothers health problems.  I hope that both of you improve as quickly as possible.
On the OCD front, I agree with paradoxes, it sounds like you have a pretty good handle on whats going on and know what you need to do to move forward.  It can be frustrating to suffer an OCD spike, especially after a long period of being asymptomatic, but you yourself mention that you are already handling this much better than the last time, so while its understandable to have some worry about slipping back, its also possible you'll have less problems this time because of your experience and growth.  I'd say try not to worry too much about what "might" happen and take the steps you need to to respond to the OCD intrusive thoughts for the time being.  Here's hoping things settle back in for you soon!

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I agree, If you think you can do it on you’re own do it otherwise it’ll only reinforce the OCD and that’s coming from someone who struggles to do this big time. You have a handle on it don’t give it an opportunity to come back at you as I have done.

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Hey Valamist,

I have harm OCD as well and completely relate to your problem. To be honest, the thoughts come and go, I have seen my thoughts go away and then they returned and went away again and so on. They do also come up in stressful situations, my dad had a cancer diagnosis several years ago and that really flared up my thoughts, so it's understandable given your situation that they may come up again.

The most important thing is to stay calm and not let them overwhelm you. I don't see a reason to tell your mum this right away, see how you get on managing this by yourself first. It seems like you've got a good handle on them at the minute so no need to make a big deal out of it. If you start feeling overwhelmed at some point, deal with it then, there is always help available. 

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Thank you all for the wonderful words. My issues with intrusive thoughts have eased a lot since writing this, likely because of my OCD spiking in other areas (Is'nt that always the case? Your mind makes out that one issue is the most important, frightful thing in the world and then skips onto something else and just... forgets about the latter) but I really appreciated all the advice.

I am actually trying to go 'Cold Turkey' from all this OCD stuff...

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Nothing good will come from it. Ultimately what can she do? Tell her that you are anxious but then maybe she wants to know why. You see, the why is not important for us sufferers, the why is fairy-dust, it needs to be blown in the wind and be gone because after all it was just fairy-dust. No whys, no ifs because it is not important. 

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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14 hours ago, Valamist said:

Thank you all for the wonderful words. My issues with intrusive thoughts have eased a lot since writing this, likely because of my OCD spiking in other areas (Is'nt that always the case? Your mind makes out that one issue is the most important, frightful thing in the world and then skips onto something else and just... forgets about the latter) but I really appreciated all the advice.

I am actually trying to go 'Cold Turkey' from all this OCD stuff...

Hey Valamist,

I totally get you, I have that too, when one fear subsides, 10 new ones emerge! But it's not so bad, I've been working on learning to treat these new worries in the same way and eventually they ease off more quickly. Be patient and keep going, you'll see the benefits in time. 

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