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Getting Caught in a Cycle


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Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with getting caught in a ruminating/guilt cycle?

I used to be able to have a handle on it, but lately I cannot seem to cope with being around an female who I find attractive.

I am second guessing everything I say to them, wondering why I am saying things to them, feeling guilty about making them laugh (even though I tend to try and do that with anyone anyway), constantly feeling as though I have overstepped some imaginary boundary that I have determined in my mind means that I'm a cheater and need to leave my girlfriend, even though the person in question has no idea anything has happened, worrying about moving close to people, feeling guilty and wondering if I have flirted..

An occasion last week where I made a joke and found myself looking at the attractive person to see if they laughed. Perhaps a part of me did want to impress them, in a way with no other intentions and with no intention of acting on anything. Now I feel as though I have cheated and I must confess and that I am the worst person in the world.

I think perhaps if I didn't have OCD I would just have these interactions and not think about it...but then I feel that's a cop-out and also IF I do things wrong (such as looking at an attractive person, perhaps hoping they laugh more at a joke than someone who I deem to be less attractive), then I deserve to be pulled up and suffer and feel bad about myself and perhaps it is my karma for being a bad human.

Even describing people as "unattractive" and "attractive" makes me feel like a jerk. Why do I naturally gravitate to make small talk with people at work who are more attractive? Is that human nature? It's never conscious. I never think about acting on anything and I adore my girlfriend and loath cheaters.

Sorry. I didn't mean for this to turn into a rant. I am just deeply unhappy.

Edited by fightoffyourdemons
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Guest OCDhavenobrain

I will give you a tip which you could follow if overcoming this is your real desire. Sit down and pick some women which you grade on a scale, and then when you are out you can do it in your head. Do it till the anxiety isn't there anymore.

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On 24/05/2019 at 01:16, fightoffyourdemons said:

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with getting caught in a ruminating/guilt cycle?

Well you are aware of the cycle, thats a good start.
Beyond that its just a matter of consciously changing your behavior when you notice it.  If you are ruminating, shift your focus, don't let yourself continue down the path of trying to answer all these questions.

Your post is full of rumination questions that you don't need to answer such as:
"why I am saying things to them?"
"feeling guilty about making them laugh"
"worrying about moving close to people"
"Why do I naturally gravitate to make small talk with people at work who are more attractive"

OCD makes you feel like you have to answer these questions/behaviors.  Good news is you don't.
 

On 24/05/2019 at 01:16, fightoffyourdemons said:

I think perhaps if I didn't have OCD I would just have these interactions and not think about it...but then I feel that's a cop-out and also IF I do things wrong (such as looking at an attractive person, perhaps hoping they laugh more at a joke than someone who I deem to be less attractive), then I deserve to be pulled up and suffer and feel bad about myself and perhaps it is my karma for being a bad human.

"But then..." typical OCD response :)
Go with the first part, act as if you didn't have OCD.  Talk to people at work, hang out with people, then work on not ruminating about it.  When you notice yourself ruminating gently remind yourself you don't have to do that and get back to focusing on something else.  The more you do that, the less you'll ruminate.

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On 28/05/2019 at 03:18, dksea said:

Well you are aware of the cycle, thats a good start.
Beyond that its just a matter of consciously changing your behavior when you notice it.  If you are ruminating, shift your focus, don't let yourself continue down the path of trying to answer all these questions.

Your post is full of rumination questions that you don't need to answer such as:
"why I am saying things to them?"
"feeling guilty about making them laugh"
"worrying about moving close to people"
"Why do I naturally gravitate to make small talk with people at work who are more attractive"

OCD makes you feel like you have to answer these questions/behaviors.  Good news is you don't.
 

"But then..." typical OCD response :)
Go with the first part, act as if you didn't have OCD.  Talk to people at work, hang out with people, then work on not ruminating about it.  When you notice yourself ruminating gently remind yourself you don't have to do that and get back to focusing on something else.  The more you do that, the less you'll ruminate.

Thank you so much for taking your time to reply. That is very helpful and I will take it ok board. Thanks for the support.

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