Let's Remember There Are Other Stakeholders In Our Recovery

[taurean]

Fighting OCD in order to recover is difficult, and the path to glory is littered with tales of those who failed in some way or another. 

Why this happens is something that personally concerns me and is a focus of some of the advice I seek to give on here. 

But maybe our problem is we just aren't motivated enough to work at the CBT and the changes in thinking and behavioural changes we have to work on, including some challenging exposure and response prevention. 

So perhaps an additional incentive is needed to encourage us to do this and keep at it. 

So why not do it for those loved ones in particular, and close friends, that really matter to us, and indeed may rely on us? 

They are major stakeholders in us, probably badly affected by our illness, desperate for us to make progress and make their life with us easier. 

I did it for my wife, as well as myself. She badly needed me to get better to help and support her as she has disabilities. 

She supported me in many ways. I needed to play my part - and the OCD inhibited that. 

That added incentive kept me focused through my therapy journey and on to a much better mental place. 

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

Yes, a good point indeed. We don't need to see it as pressure, but a motivation. Try to overcome OCD because life has enough of stressors already, getting stressed by OCD is such an unnecessary burden on top of it. 

Edited May 24, 2019 by OCDhavenobrain

[taurean]

It is possible to recover if we are motivated enough to push ourselves to make it happen. 

And if that motivation happens to be strong, then it is more likely we will stick at it. 

So let's look at motivation, find it and use it to keep us going until victory is won. 

Many years ago I had a very sweet tooth - indeed I took two spoons of sugar in tea and coffee - really unhealthy. 

So my wife sponsored me to go twenty cups without sugar, and if I managed it she would give a sum of money to my operatic society, who needed donations. 

That motivated me. The first few cups were awful, seemed to taste horrendous. 

Then the slightly bitter taste of the coffee began to win me over and I approached the gain line between failure and success, burst through it, kept going and won the challenge. 

Beating OCD is like that challenge - tough at first but at some point starts to become a whole lot better. 

Let's try and get more people out of giving up before they approach the gain line. Often it seems to be hovering in the distance and yet they don't reach it. 

[Andrea]

Loving your post Roy 

[paradoxer]

Can be grueling on loved ones. OCD is a selfish disorder. 

[taurean]

Thanks everyone. 

The message is. 

Sure try and do it for yourself, but doing it for your nearest and dearest can add incentive and make a difference as we try to keep going. 

Don't throw in the towel. You may be closer to that gain line than you think . 

Rather, take maybe a short time out - think of those who rely on you/care about you - then restart your programme with renewed vigour. 

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

4 hours ago, paradoxer said:

Can be grueling on loved ones. OCD is a selfish disorder. 

I have to agree even if it can sound hard to some. Also the "morality" OCD offerd is falsehood. We shouldn't really say that people with OCD tends to be more lind and morale because that just fuel the fire AND all those who have totally delfish obsessions will be exkluded. 

But it is not like persons with OCD can't be good people, all I am saying is that one really should wait till recovery before judging ones true stand.

[Ashley]

5 hours ago, paradoxer said:

OCD is a selfish disorder. 

Actually I would dispute that part.  Many, many people with OCD go to great lengths, including inflicting pain on themselves in order not to inflect OCD on others.

[Babe ruth]

I have inflicted a lot of pain on my wife I have ocd about a previous parter she had years before we met and I no I have gone on and on driving her mad how I wish I could take it all back  but before understanding ocd I kept on and on unknowingly feeding the obsession with more and more questions to gain short term relief I wish I new theN what I no  now things would not have been so hard I’ve no idea why I do this but hopefully one day I will find an answer and be able to sort it out 

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

7 minutes ago, Babe ruth said:

I have inflicted a lot of pain on my wife I have ocd about a previous parter she had years before we met and I no I have gone on and on driving her mad how I wish I could take it all back  but before understanding ocd I kept on and on unknowingly feeding the obsession with more and more questions to gain short term relief I wish I new theN what I no  now things would not have been so hard I’ve no idea why I do this but hopefully one day I will find an answer and be able to sort it out 

We have all done something in the grip of OCD we regret. Don't dwell on it

Edited May 25, 2019 by OCDhavenobrain

[Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze]

4 hours ago, Ashley said:

Actually I would dispute that part.  Many, many people with OCD go to great lengths, including inflicting pain on themselves in order not to inflect OCD on others.

Agree. Also some people with OCD fear harming others to the extent that their own lives are destroyed. How does that make them selfish?

[gingerbreadgirl]

I must admit that I think ocd can make me selfish, even if I am worrying about causing people harm, what I am really worrying about is my own anxiety about it and wanting to lessen it. I am much nicer and more considerate of other people's feelings when I am not in the grips of ocd. 

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

38 minutes ago, Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze said:

Agree. Also some people with OCD fear harming others to the extent that their own lives are destroyed. How does that make them selfish?

Sure that is true nobody is saying that people with OCD commit horrendous acts but the point is that ruminating, being inside your own head, makes you pretty selvcentered. Also, it is very common among OCD-sufferers to use other people in their compulsions, even if it just is getting reassurance (often there is manipulation going on when one is really anxious and wants reassurance).

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

25 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

I must admit that I think ocd can make me selfish, even if I am worrying about causing people harm, what I am really worrying about is my own anxiety about it and wanting to lessen it. I am much nicer and more considerate of other people's feelings when I am not in the grips of ocd. 

Yes, I mean, who wouldn't go far distances to get reassurance when you feel like your life depends on it?

[Angst]

6 hours ago, Ashley said:

Actually I would dispute that part.  Many, many people with OCD go to great lengths, including inflicting pain on themselves in order not to inflect OCD on others.

I agree with Ashley. It is interesting that we accept that there is a cognitive bias called ‘overgeneralisation’ - where we generalise from one instance to the overall case but in this case we overgeneralise about those people with OCD.

I once knew a young woman who said that she would continue smoking because her gran was 98 and had suffered no ill health from smoking.

She generalised from one case in her experience to the entire population to dispute the correlation evidence against smoking. And indeed the causal evidence against smoking. Our experiences are indeed valuable but people on this forum  provide a biased sample. Not a random sample.

Absolutist claims I do not think are helpful. Ashley probably has more experience in communicating with people with OCD than most on the forum. He probably has a more representational sample to generalise from than most of us.

Edited May 25, 2019 by Angst

[taurean]

I must admit I have reservations about statistics. 

I had to pass a statistics module in order to gain my professional qualification. It was fascinating but also threw up reservations. 

If you added together at on time the various people, from statistical analysis, were supposed to have been watching various TV channels, or listening to radio, I reckon you would come to more than a few times our population. 

And a lot of those would be shift working or babies sleeping or watching children's TV or playing with friends. Or driving so couldn't be watching TV  

So I will always treat Statistics with suspicion and yes I will be looking at whether the samples taken are sufficiently representative. 

Edited May 25, 2019 by taurean

[Angst]

No comment. I do not have the evidence in front of me. Do you? Insurance is built up from probability and statistics. Is it all a con?

[Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze]

I'm not saying people with OCD can't be selfish. I know I can be very selfish!  But I just don't think OCD necessarily makes anyone more selfish than people suffering any other illness.

[gingerbreadgirl]

I have to say I think statistics are extremely important and a vital part of building up scientific knowledge through clinical trials (among many other things) - although they can of course be abused  when reported on. 

[Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze]

57 minutes ago, Angst said:

Absolutist claims I do not think are helpful. Ashley probably has more experience in communicating with people with OCD than most on the forum. He probably has a more representational sample to generalise from than most of us.

^ This 

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

If I were you I would just accept the fact that we have wasted so much time to OCD and let it motivate. And one could also say that by worrying oneself to death you kinda are distressing people around you, once again -- motivation. 

There is ultimately no certainty about how we have impacted others around us. 

Edited May 25, 2019 by OCDhavenobrain

[taurean]

12 minutes ago, Angst said:

No comment. I do not have the evidence in front of me. Do you? Insurance is built up from probability and statistics. Is it all a con?

Statistics are important in insurance, hence the module, but I think it is carefully used as part of planning products and accounting. 

 

[taurean]

12 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

I have to say I think statistics are extremely important and a vital part of building up scientific knowledge through clinical trials (among many other things) - although they can of course be abused  when reported on. 

Yes I agree with this. 

But I am hoping that the betting odds being touted for the runners and riders in the tory leadership race might be wrong

 

[Angst]

Another business that uses statistics like insurance is the betting industry. They lay off bets. Long discussions in the pub about this with two bookmakers!

[Avo]

For me a good description of OCD is that is makes me very self-absorbed. If I am really caught up in an OCD episode of anxiety /  rumination I can go very distant and my wife often asks me 'where have I gone' as in mentally.

I fail to properly engage with life and others I become a passenger at home - almost like I am on autopilot not living just existing. This can have a massive impact on those close to us.