Marko2020 Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 Hello everyone, I havent been on these forums for over a year as I tried to fix my life and illness, however the past few months have been really bad. I've just finished university but have 3 exams to do in Augusr due to illness and they say I may not be able to do my practical exams in that room I'm used too which is bad as I wont be able to wire up equipment in others room, so be left at a disadvantage. My problem is I'm never happy, I've one good at university but when I pass something my anxiety or whatever is at play, makes me go in a down mood and doubt myself. I may get 20 seconds of happiness before it comes on. I always feel I should do better and I'm finding it hard to remember stuff due to the amount of pills I'm on. I constantly don't want to alive and yet I couldn't do anything as people rely on me etc. I sometimes don't shower for weeks as I have a bad phobia of water due to being drowned as a teenager by so called mates, kept my head under water 3 times and I nearly died. I'm starting to do the counting steps I do again and cant land in a odd step. I have no friends and can't find a job as I've been trying, sent over 50 applications in and heard back from only 1. The one I wanted to apply for ignore me as I use to work for them 6 years ago and they fired me and said I was **** etc, now I have more knowledge etc,they just don't reply, this makes me feel worse. I just feel I'm worthless and nothing I do is ever good enough, I sleep in now to 1 or 2pm everyday as cant sleep at night due to my obsessive thinking. I went on this course to help me and I feel it has in ways, but in ways it lead me to a dead end. I don't know what to do and psychology wont see me as I didn't do to appointments years ago do to anxiety and having physical dhiarea etc, but theh didn't care about that. I am lost and not sure what to do anymore:( Link to comment
Angst Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 Hi Marko It seems odd to me that you know the room months in advance and they have scheduled a exam in an inappropriate room. So merely pointing out the bare facts of your concern should resolve matters. If your cognitive ability is affected by your pill taking then a letter from your GP in support of this might facilitate the granting of additional time at the exam. I think that you are overgeneralising from one poor experience with a past employer. Forget it, move on. I understand how bad rejection feels. But the job market for graduate jobs is not good except for nurses and teachers where the rapid turnover of staff has led to chronic shortages. Some might blame the state of the job market rather than the decisions they have taken in the past. I am surprised that psychology -counselling? - has barred you from further support. I would contest that decision by the assistance of a supportive GP. So I think that you have freedom to act and choices. Link to comment
Marko2020 Posted May 26, 2019 Author Share Posted May 26, 2019 Ah sorry, I'm meant to say their is only 2 rooms that we can do these kind of exams in. One room I know very well and the other , not so well. Sorry I didn't make that clear. My fiancee just broke up with me today and it's made me feel even worse. I've had ctb and it did nothing for me, I just hate life at the moment,etc. Link to comment
PolarBear Posted May 27, 2019 Share Posted May 27, 2019 Marko, I remember you. You have a somewhat complex set of problems. The only solution I can see is some good psychological help. I know someone said no but you've got to keep trying. Link to comment
Marko2020 Posted May 27, 2019 Author Share Posted May 27, 2019 Hi Polarbear, nice to see you again, I will keep fighting this as I don't like it one bit. I learnt so much from yourself and the other people here, I managed to stop alot of my obsessions and rituals, so thank you all. I just need to get over this hurdle. Link to comment
Handy Posted May 27, 2019 Share Posted May 27, 2019 Any progress on bathing? Going without showering for weeks is something you should try to overcome. Link to comment
Marko2020 Posted May 28, 2019 Author Share Posted May 28, 2019 I have had a shower today due to sores appearing on my body and I'm working on doing this every 2 days for a start to get exposure with it. I know it's going to be hard and j wont ever be fully over it, however I will at least be able to bare it enough to shower. Then I'll work on staying in for more than 5 minutes. Link to comment
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