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Thrive or survive


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The good thing is that charities like ours exist, and provide help and support. 

When I was trying to keep my job going to support myself and my wife and keep paying into a pension, and cope with awful episodes of OCD, then I was only surviving. 

With the right therapist, several excellent self-help books, getting "reasonable adjustments" to my working practices to help me better cope with the OCD, plus some very specific wonderful help from the charity and its members, things got a whole lot better, and I managed to get a combination of therapy and practices together which - together with strong willpower and homework - got me into a much better place. 

Retirement brings its own challenges, and the first five years have shot by with lots of activity on family and domestic front, including relocation from London to Northampton. 

Now we are settled in, I genuinely thought I would be climbing up the wall to do some structured voluntary work - say one day in a charity shop, but I am not. 

I help people here online, run our home and garden with my wife, we get out and about, I go in the village pub a couple of times a week and the café a few times a week, where we have lots of friends, and I help my immediate elderly neighbours. 

The weeks fly by and we are happy though have some health issues we have to manage and medicate. 

But I would certainly say that I am thriving - and it has certainly been with a lot of help from my friends. 

Key ways to turn survive to thrive for me involved. 

Wanting desperately, needing to, get better from my OCD - and refusing to give up on finding the right mix to make that happen - including a lot of CBT, homework and exposure work,and learning relaxation techniques and mindfulness. 

Not giving up, whatever. 

Believing and trusting the wise and informed. Refusing to believe the OCD. 

Developing a happiness psychology and learning how not to worry. 

Getting through the last five years of family help needed from us, property doing up and selling and buying, downsizing, health issues and recovery from OCD has been a tough journey. 

But despite those problems, once I found the right mix to overcome the OCD it's been a calm ride not an awful one, since my self-confidence returned, plus I trusted those deserving of my trust. 

We can always tell when we are in a great place mentally, because the weeks seem to fly by, and it always seems to be Friday, with the weekend beckoning. 

Edited by taurean
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I think it's really important to stay positive and appreciate what you have, even if OCD does make life hard. I really do believe that the right attitude can make the difference between surviving and thriving. Even small, simple things can give you pleasure and you have to learn to appreciate them rather than dwelling on how hard the situation is. Yes, we have been handed a pretty rubbish thing to deal with but there are so many wonderful things too. 

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51 minutes ago, malina said:

I think it's really important to stay positive and appreciate what you have, even if OCD does make life hard. I really do believe that the right attitude can make the difference between surviving and thriving. Even small, simple things can give you pleasure and you have to learn to appreciate them rather than dwelling on how hard the situation is. Yes, we have been handed a pretty rubbish thing to deal with but there are so many wonderful things too. 

well said malina--totally agree! everyone's got challenges in life so we do our best with what we got.

 

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Yes that's true, right attitude. 

Take a blue look on things and you only see the bad. 

Be an "obstacle person" and all you will see are obstacles. 

But be a positive, happy person and your outlook will be sunny and bright ? 

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What steps are you taking Bruce's that might help you change from surviving to thriving?

This isn't something that come's along and happens to us......it's something that gradually starts to happen when we make a plan and make some changes.

What goals have you set that could help you to thrive?  What are you doing to change that melancholy?

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I’ve recently started therapy with a new therapist,I’m exercising and eating better and cut down on alcohol,I want so munch to be happy but find it hard to stopping ruminating bad stuff 

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22 hours ago, bruces said:

I’ve struggled to control my thoughts for so long ?

We all do.. that's why we're here buddy :)  But part of overcoming OCD at least is actually not trying to control them, but to letting them be what they be and then dealing with any uncertainty that brings and riding the wave of anxiety that crashes over us. :shipwrecked:

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We can't stop the waves, but we can learn to surf :surfing: said Jon Kabat-Zin.

 I have been surfing nicely for 2 and a quarter years now :cool2:

 

Edited by taurean
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6 hours ago, Ashley said:

We all do.. that's why we're here buddy :)  But part of overcoming OCD at least is actually not trying to control them, but to letting them be what they be and then dealing with any uncertainty that brings and riding the wave of anxiety that crashes over us. :shipwrecked:

I know people do but I can’t imagine how they do,feels an insurmountable task to me! 

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On ‎30‎/‎05‎/‎2019 at 08:49, bruces said:

I’ve recently started therapy with a new therapist,I’m exercising and eating better and cut down on alcohol,I want so munch to be happy but find it hard to stopping ruminating bad stuff 

Decided to stop by the forums, came across this and felt compelled to sign in and comment. 

Yay! :clap::clap::clap:

This is fabulous news Bruce. I'm so pleased you are making positive changes. These first steps are exactly what you need to change surviving into thriving. I'm proud of you for engaging with therapy again and sooo pleased to see you moving forward. :)Good on you, keep it up!!

On ‎31‎/‎05‎/‎2019 at 23:10, bruces said:

I know people do but I can’t imagine how they do,feels an insurmountable task to me! 

To be brutally honest, Bruce,  there have been times when I thought getting you to go back to therapy was an insurmountable task. :unsure: Yet you've made that move! :) 

Things always feel difficult before you tackle them, but once you get stuck in it gets easier and easier. With hindsight you'll look back and realise that going through what you thought was impossible is actually far easier than waiting to start it, fearing failure if you try. 

Will pop by again soon for an update. :) 

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