Jump to content

Recommended Posts

It’s been a while since I posted here, which is probably a good thing, but today I’m feeling pretty bad and just wanted to get my feelings out there. As I’ve said before, the past year I have seen an absolutely dreadful OCD relapse which I did not react well to and allowed to get extremely bad before I managed to gain the resolve to clap back at it. And, for the record, I have been doing actually quite well with it, I’m so much better than I was a couple of months ago. 

That being said, something I’ve noticed about my OCD is that my reaction to it these days is a lot more difficult than it used to be. What I mean by that is, before, if I dealt with the OCD well, it would light a fire within me that motivated me to really beat it back into submission. One success created a domino effect for more, future successes. But now, for whatever reason, whenever I fail, even after several days of doing really well, the feeling of dread, guilt and just general depression I get is overwhelming. I had 3 bad days about two weeks ago and I’ve not had a bad OCD day since, but the residual feelings of just despair and misery I had at the time have stayed with me. It’s very upsetting and this has been the problem this past few months. Getting over it is just too hard. It creates a downward spiral rather than an uphill push, like it used to. I used to be such an optimist but now I’m the guy who just pathetically resigns himself to ‘what’s the point in even trying?’ It’s just sad. I know my compulsions have been bad and that I still need to be militant on stopping those. But this horrible, exhausting feeling of dread makes everything so hard.

Just wanted to get these feelings out in the open, I hope the rest of you are faring better than myself right now ?

Link to comment

Hey Ollie,

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, I think that the battle against OCD is sometimes so exhausting and uses up all of our mental and emotional resources. I honestly think it's just natural to feel a bit depressed and hopeless when you're going through something like this. But that's no reason to give up, sometimes you don't see the light at the end of the tunnel but you have to keep moving forward regardless. Keep doing what you've been doing and give it time, these feelings will fade over time too. 

Link to comment

Thank you for the response and encouragement guys.

Yes, I think I have been experiencing depression, or at least symptoms of depression and have not wanted to admit it to myself. I’m really bad at talking to people about what’s bothering me, I’m not even good at saying WHEN something is bothering me. I have been feeling a bit better today, in fairness, but I’m still low. I definitely still feel like I’ve lost myself a bit. I know the recovery period is up and down, which is definitely what I’m experiencing... I’m just struggling to stay motivated and the depressive feelings make it REALLY hard to counter those compulsions. Like, if I get an OCD thought, I know I’m supposed to ignore it, not react, and carry on like it’s no big deal. Used to be easy.

But sometimes the depressing feeling accompanying the thought will just make me feel so awful I can’t ignore it... I just sort of let the thought dictate what an awful person I am and no matter how much I try and prove the thought wrong, it will always remain and always make me feel the lowest of the low... and honestly, some of the stuff that’s happened regarding my sexual obsessions in the past year or so has made it hard to battle. I’ve had dreams, more so now than ever before. It has interrupted my sex life, intruder upon private moments and just broken me down... at the end of it all, I know it’s all ocd. And ocd used to feel like this little thing I had gained control over. But now it just feels like a completely different beast that has claimed my mind, it feels like I’ll never win.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...