Down

[don't know]

I've been trying to get better. I tried to resist googling and watched a show that makes me stressed. I also picked up some books on OCD. I still feel as though I can't relate, even the basic 'what is OCD' chapters make me feel like I don't have it especially when broken down into explaining what obessions and compulsions are. I had look at the cbt/erp sections and they talk about writing about your worst fear coming true or testing theories seeing whether your OCD is true or not. Seeing that I shut the book and just felt like that was what was going to happen. I don't understand how that helps especially for people with worse 'themes' of OCD. At the same time I don't know whether I would recover to be honest. It's just I really really don't want it to be true. I know every single person says this and I feel awful because mines aren't that bad in comparison to what other people have to deal with. 

Nothing is going right and I don't really see an end. I've just accepted it - my life will forever suck. Even my family think I have a string of bad luck. They have said this on multiple occasions. I don't see how people can be happy with life. I understand that everyone has challenges but I don't understand how they can still be happy. I just think it's all a bit pointless really. 

I'm sorry to be posting again.

Edited June 1, 2019 by don't know

[PolarBear]

You need professional help.

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

1 hour ago, PolarBear said:

You need professional help.

I agree, contact a professional and tell them everything about how dysfunctional this is making you.

We can't afford anything which you haven't heard from us already, we can't help you. 

Edited June 2, 2019 by OCDhavenobrain

[paradoxer]

I think the others are right, professional help. 

[don't know]

I've been trying to help myself. I probably sound insane. I probably am at this point. But I don't see how this can get better. 

[PolarBear]

It doesn't matter if you see. You think everyone with a mental disorder can see light at the rnd of the tunnel? Nope. You can feel lost but you can do something about it.

You need professional help.

[don't know]

I'm just confused all the time. I'm scared they'll tell me I'm crazy or that everything I'm worried about it true. Don't know what it is at this point. 

[dksea]

2 hours ago, don't know said:

I'm scared they'll tell me I'm crazy or that everything I'm worried about it true.

Being scared is normal, everyone in life gets scared.  Being scared to the degree we are with OCD is not normal, thats why we have to respond differently than other people in how we handle fear.

Nothing in life is guaranteed, but if you do not get help its highly likely that things will only continue to get worse.
Waiting until you are sure that nothing bad will happen if you do something is going to mean waiting forever.
If you want to change how your life is going you are going to have to make a choice to do so even though you still have doubts and worries.  
If they tell you you are "crazy" (which they don't do btw) then they do, but what if they help you?  What if your life gets way better?  Seems worth it to me!

[MentalChecker]

Don't know, Don't worry about telling them anything. My therapist is great and I know I can trust her and tell her anything.  She is not judgemental and understands OCD as that is her specialist area. 

If you get a specialist therapist, then they will also be trust worthy and will not be judgemental in anything you tell them. 

This may sound strange to you, as you may feel your worries are unique to you, but one thing I can guarantee you of, is if they have been in this area for long enough, then they will most certainly have heard your worries before from other patients.

I've been in a bad situation for around 7 months now with this new relapse, but looking back to where I was at the beginning of the year towards where I am now, I can see that there really is light at the end of the tunnel whereas at the beginning of the year I just wanted to go to sleep at night and never wake up again.  Trust me I've been there mate and it does get better.

Get on the phone and get an appointment booked with your GP and get referred.  It takes ages though on the NHS therefore don't waste time. There just isn't the help needed and therefore may be best going Private if you have the funds available. 

Edited June 3, 2019 by MentalChecker

[don't know]

I have a complicated relationship with therapy. I had an okay therapist at first through the NHS. When i asked him about the possibility of it being OCD, he said it couldn't be because he had people that couldn't function without getting up to wash their hands. He discharged me and a couple of years later I was referred to therapy where they said that I had OCD and gave me books and started a round of cbt. I never really got much out of it and the thing that I mostly worried about then is gone and I don't think about it anymore but it left me housebound and struggling in school to the point where I nearly failed. I was then referred to someone else. I had an interview and then they asked me to come back in six months and nothing was said about a diagnosis or anything. I was also on medication at the time. I also never went back because I thought I was doing fine. 

I'm scared that I go back and they say - doctor was wrong and you don't have OCD. In fact everything you worry about is real. I'm really unsure of who to trust. 

I also stumbled across an article about reasons why you aren't getting better from OCD. The number one reason was because of misdiagnosis. That's a possibility as it does happen and two therapists didn't think that I had it. One flat out said no and the other looked at me like I was crazy. Makes sense to me.

I feel ill and I don't know what to do. I do just feel like giving up and I feel as though I'm not cut out for all of this. I just really don't see how this could get better. 

Edited June 3, 2019 by don't know

[PolarBear]

For a long, long time, I have not told you that you have OCD. I did not say you need professional help for your OCD. What i said was....

YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP.

You have been going round in circles, in your head and here on the forum, for years. It's not working. If you do nothing different, we'll be having this same conversation five years from now.

You need professional help.

[malina]

8 hours ago, don't know said:

When i asked him about the possibility of it being OCD, he said it couldn't be because he had people that couldn't function without getting up to wash their hands.

Honestly, this just makes me want to bang my head. How can a professional, on the NHS no less, say something like this? Sorry DK, but this guy clearly had no knowledge whatsoever about OCD and it's a bit concerning that he was actually treating patients with OCD. 

9 hours ago, don't know said:

I never really got much out of it and the thing that I mostly worried about then is gone and I don't think about it anymore but it left me housebound and struggling in school to the point where I nearly failed. I was then referred to someone else.

But the thing you were worried about went away, how can you say that it did NOTHING for you? This problem left you completely dysfunctional, you went to therapy and it went away completely and you say therapy did nothing? Come on, give some credit where it's due DK. 

9 hours ago, don't know said:

I'm scared that I go back and they say - doctor was wrong and you don't have OCD. In fact everything you worry about is real. I'm really unsure of who to trust. 

I get that you're unsure of who to trust, who wouldn't be after being told contradicting things by different people. This is the part where you have to stand up for yourself a little bit, you can prepare yourself, tell the GP you have been diagnosed with OCD before and ask to see a specialist. If you should decide to go to therapy, perhaps this is something you can discuss with people on the forum, like get advice on what to say  and what to ask for.

For what it's worth, my first experience with a therapist was a complete disaster. I went to see a university counsellor who had no knowledge of OCD (and I didn't know I had it either) and when he heard that I was having thoughts about self harm, he completely panicked. However, this did get me onto a path of getting a diagnosis and finding, over time, two great therapist who really understood what I was going through and helped me a lot. 

You deserve to have a happy life and to be free from these thoughts. Sometimes getting help is frightening, you have to step out of your comfort zone and share your most private things with a complete stranger. And it's true, you don't know what they are going to say. But isn't trying better than just being stuck in this rut?

[don't know]

Yeah, I know I don't belong here. 

Edited June 4, 2019 by don't know

[don't know]

It went away months after therapy and with no cbt techniques I was taught. If it went away with the cbt during that time I wouldn't be skeptical of cbt. I also see some people and read articles that it doesn't work. But again a lot of people on this forum have gotten better because of it. 

[dksea]

You can keep doing things the way you have been, and things will not change for the better, in fact they will probably get worse.
OR
You can take our advice, work on accepting you have a problem, and get some help, and things will probably get better.

No, we can't promise you 100% that none of your fears will come true, none of us can live with that guarantee.  We definitely can't promise you it will be quick and/or easy, it almost certainly won't.  But I am highly confident that if you dedicate yourself to recovery and start accepting that your views need to change that your life will be better.

So a chance at getting better, or a near certainty that things will get worse.  Which do you choose?

[don't know]

It keeps getting worse, everything is. I don't know how I relate to people or situations. Like what am I doing here? Because it's not OCD, I don't even feel like it's depression because sometimes I'm fine and I don't cry often. It's just this sense of nothing is going to get better. I don't even know if I want to get better to be honest. I tried to do some online reading and I just can't relate to anything (same old) I'm probably making myself like this. I read about OCD and convinced myself I had it all those years ago. I know that's not the case now. 

My anxiety about everything is correct and I am a failure. Just looking at everything and trying to be objective is pointless because my life is never going to get better. 

[dksea]

13 hours ago, don't know said:

I tried to do some online reading and I just can't relate to anything

This, IMO, is one of your biggest problems.  You are depending too much on artificial rules you create for yourself.  Many sufferers of mental illness, whether its OCD or something else, feel like their situation is unique, their situation is different somehow.  You don't need to find a situation that 100% matches your own, thats going to be virtually impossible.  Every one of us lives different lives, the circumstances will never be completely the same.  But that doesn't mean you don't have what others have, it doesn't mean you can't get help like they have gotten help.
 

13 hours ago, don't know said:

My anxiety about everything is correct and I am a failure. Just looking at everything and trying to be objective is pointless

The only way to be a failure is to give up.  That is a choice you make, not a thing that just happens.

Meanwhile, its incredibly difficult, if not impossible to be truly objective about oneself, ESPECIALLY when dealing with mental illness, because that clouds your objectivity.  You need to admit that you don't have the skills or knowledge to see what is wrong with you.  Thats not a failing, MOST of us aren't able to do that.  Even people with degrees and experience in the field of mental illness can't always diagnose themselves.

Its like you are on the ground, in a forest, trying to find a way out.  Of course you can't see all the paths, to see how close you are to the edge, to see what you need to do to get out.  You can stumble around and try and MAYBE you'll get lucky, but odds are you'll just end up getting yourself more lost.  But a qualified medical professional is like someone in a helicopter above the forest.  They can see you AND see the bigger picture.  They can help guide you out of the forest, but you have to trust them.  When they tell you to go left, you have to go left EVEN THOUGH it looks to you like the left path is darker and more scarier than the other option.
 

14 hours ago, don't know said:

my life is never going to get better. 

If you don't admit you have a problem, if you don't get the help you need, if you don't do the work that is necessary, then no, it will almost certainly not get better.  But it absolutely can.  The only way it won't is if you choose not to get help.  You can make the choice.  Its up to you.

[don't know]

I don't know what my problem is. I don't know whether I'm truly depressed, anxious or just trying to find anything that says I don't want to do these things. I don't think I could cope going through therapy and then it coming true because that's probably what would happen. Nothing can convince me otherwise, which itself is a form of denial. So it basically proves I'm in denial.

The whole point about being uncertain whether the thing you worry about would happen. It's like I don't suffer with some of the thoughts people post on here and I know I wouldn't do them. So if I'm certain about that why can't I be sure of this? 

I went onto one of those websites. I hadn't been on them for a while and I just felt like that was my life. I don't trust my feelings. I don't think I really have any. They are all false anyway. I don't see a future. I feel like nothing in my life goes right even without all of this, it's just a waste of time.

[dksea]

6 hours ago, don't know said:

I don't know what my problem is.

That’s why you need help. 

6 hours ago, don't know said:

Nothing can convince me otherwise, which itself is a form of denial. So it basically proves I'm in denial.

I thought you just said you didn’t know what your problem was?  Now a few sentences later you are absolutely certain it’s denial? Ok fine, you are in denial, so get help for that. 

 

6 hours ago, don't know said:

It's like I don't suffer with some of the thoughts people post on here and I know I wouldn't do them. So if I'm certain about that why can't I be sure of this? 

None of us suffer from all the same doubts as everyone else. I have never suffered from contamination worries. That’s not how OCD works, it doesn’t mean you doubt everything. You are, again, applying rules that simply aren’t true and using that to make your decisions. It makes as much sense as if you said “I don’t like the color purple, therefore I am not a girl.”  Liking purple is not a requirement for being a girl. Having the exact same doubts as everyone else is not a requirement for having OCD. Doubting literally everything is not a requirement for having OCD. You need to stop applying these made up rules to your situation, they are not helping. 

You absolutely have the opportunity to change your life for the better, it’s not impossible, but first you have to accept that you are not the right person to diagnose what is wrong with you. I am sure there are areas where you are talented and knowledgeable, but recognizing and diagnosing mental illness is absolutely not one of them. The more time you spend trying to find the answers on your own, to convince yourself of what your problems are, the worse off you will be. You need professional help.

[don't know]

It takes a toll when you have contradicting medical opinions and when everything in my life is completely ****. Just today my family were joking about the fact I don't enjoy anything. I try and see what I'm dealing with to grasp an idea and I can't seem to. I tried to read and watch videos about OCD and I couldn't relate to anything, again with depression. No intrusive thoughts or anything. I'm insane. 

It seems to be a lot worse when I try and implement all the advice and going through the OCD books. Looks like that wasn't the problem to begin with, and I'm sorry that people commented with advice and wasted their time. That's all I do is waste people's time and energy. 

I'm too far gone for this place. 

[Angst]

On 06/06/2019 at 13:44, don't know said:

It keeps getting worse, everything is. I don't know how I relate to people or situations. Like what am I doing here? Because it's not OCD, I don't even feel like it's depression because sometimes I'm fine and I don't cry often. It's just this sense of nothing is going to get better. I don't even know if I want to get better to be honest. I tried to do some online reading and I just can't relate to anything (same old) I'm probably making myself like this. I read about OCD and convinced myself I had it all those years ago. I know that's not the case now. 

My anxiety about everything is correct and I am a failure. Just looking at everything and trying to be objective is pointless because my life is never going to get better. 

Edited June 7, 2019 by Angst

[don't know]

I don't really know how to describe it. I just know that nothing goes right. 

[Angst]

You are searching for a diagnosis  to explain your feelings. A diagnosis that will describe and account for your feelings. A diagnosis that will liberate you from these feelings.

You can focus on goals. What you want in life. Small goals are more important than big goals. Big goals delude many like winning the lottery. A mug’s game. 

What you would like for tomorrow? The  food, the company, the activities. What would you really like to experience tomorrow?

Edited June 7, 2019 by Angst

[don't know]

I don't know how I feel or what's causing it. I'm just confused all the time. 

I used to have goals but they always fall through, so I just stopped. I don't know what I want in life anymore. I don't picture it or work towards anything. Any talk about the future makes me anxious or I just straight up say 'that won't happen' or laugh. I have no faith that anything I wanted was true. I was probably brainwashed by society. Again, it's not like it will happen. 

I don't really expect anything from tomorrow. 

Edited June 7, 2019 by don't know

[Angst]

It is only relatively recently that billions of people had choices and goals. In feudal Europe, and Russia until the revolution, the serfs had no or few choices available. In absolute terms, not relative, there are more slaves than any time in human history according to the UN. Human trafficking provides workforces for whole industries including Europe and the UK. And throughout the world. Rejoice in the choices that you can make. As the proponents of positive psychology indicate compare yourself with those more unlucky than you.