Down

[malina]

4 minutes ago, Angst said:

It is only relatively recently that billions of people had choices and goals. In feudal Europe, and Russia until the revolution, the serfs had no or few choices available. In absolute terms, not relative, there are more slaves than any time in human history according to the UN. Human trafficking provides workforces for whole industries including Europe and the UK. And throughout the world. Rejoice in the choices that you can make. As the proponents of positive psychology indicate compare yourself with those more unlucky than you.

While this may sound kind of extreme, I agree with you Angst. @don't know you may feel that nothing works out for you, but take a look at your life and think about all that you have. You're in university, you have a family that you spend time with, you have friends. These are things that many people don't have and wish that they did. I don't say this to lecture you or make you feel guilty, but next time it feels like nothing works out for you, why not make a list of all of the good things that you have in life to counter this idea that nothing works out for you.  

[don't know]

No, you're right. I feel guilty but I do deserve it. 

[malina]

1 hour ago, don't know said:

No, you're right. I feel guilty but I do deserve it. 

No need to feel guilty, your suffering is still very real and valid, but it's good to have perspective sometimes on the assets that you have in life as well. 

[dksea]

On 08/06/2019 at 07:58, don't know said:

I don't know how I feel or what's causing it. I'm just confused all the time. 

I used to have goals but they always fall through, so I just stopped. I don't know what I want in life anymore. I don't picture it or work towards anything. Any talk about the future makes me anxious or I just straight up say 'that won't happen' or laugh. I have no faith that anything I wanted was true. I was probably brainwashed by society. Again, it's not like it will happen. 

You are looking for answers, looking for something that will make you feel "right" again.  Thats totally understandable, we all want that feeling, we just want to feel "normal" and go about our lives.  Unfortunately conditions like OCD can rob us of that feeling, which sucks, absolutely, and can severely impact our lives, and produce the types of problems you are going through.

I feel like a big part of the problem you are facing in recovery is that you are setting impossible goals.  You want to get that feeling of "right" back immediately, and anything that doesn't lead to that immediate answer you aren't willing to entertain.  Its like being trapped in a big forest.  You have people who are trying to help you get out.  We say "Walk north to get out", so you walk north for awhile, still see trees around you and respond by telling us that your not out yet, so you'll never be out, and you're going to try going south for awhile to see if that helps instead.  You are trapped and going around in circles, not because there is no way out, but because you want take the time to follow the path all the way out.


 

[don't know]

I'm just back to it all. Tonight I had a family meet up and I was dreading it all day. I arrived and it went okay, but I kept getting images and urges but felt no anxiety. It felt different. I just felt all my energy drain and I probably felt aroused. God. I don't know my emotions and I don't know what's true or not. Everything just points to me being so in denial. In my head I kept going 'you want to do this etc.' I don't see an end really. I just feel like I'm faking it. 

Edited June 10, 2019 by don't know

[dksea]

2 hours ago, don't know said:

but I kept getting images and urges but felt no anxiety. It felt different. I just felt all my energy drain and I probably felt aroused.

Intrusive thoughts cause distress, which can be anxiety, but that distress can manifest in a number of ways.  What you describe sounds very much like an OCD reaction to an intrusive thought.  Again I want you to try and understand that the limits and rules you are applying to whether or not this is OCD (or something related) or not simply aren't correct.  Please stop trying to diagnose yourself, please see a qualified mental health professional and be honest with them about your problems.

 

2 hours ago, don't know said:

Everything just points to me being so in denial.

I agree that you are in denial, but the denial is that you have OCD/anxiety disorder of some sort.  Please, you need professional help, you need to stop trying to solve this on your own.