WNB Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 Hi ... I definitely have been experiencing OCD for a long time ... I also suffer from anxiety and depression ... I also have had Epilepsy for almost my entire life ... I am 54 years old ... I am a retired Math and Computer Science teacher - I had to retire after 21 years due to the Epilepsy ... Anyway, I feel that I definitely have rOCD - I have been going to counseling for a long time ... My therapist will not let me discuss rOCD - I must discuss only OCD with her - I am not to be specific by naming the problem as rOCD - I do not understand this at all ... My wife and I have been together for 27 years - married for 24 years and dating for 3 years - we have a superb relationship - we love being together ... My large problem is that I have thoughts about her constantly ... These thoughts bother me so much that I cannot stand it - it has been awful - I deal with this every day and night ... The largest rOCD problem that I have deals with her weight and her looks ... I first asked her out within the school where we both taught in 1992 ... When we began dating, she was currently working out daily - needed to overcome her weight problems ... I was not aware of her having a weight problem at the time we began enjoying each other so much - she looked fantastic from day one ... At this point, I have terrible thoughts about her mostly when we are in public ... As an example, I often do not introduce her to friends of mine (I do not have many) - I do not want them to see what I have or what I have chosen and how I could have done so much better ... I feel so awful both mentally and physically when I experience the thoughts ... What keeps happening is that I seem to be having a problem with "image" - I have always lived in a very small town (we have lived there for 24 years) - Everybody knows what everybody else is doing in the town - "looking good" has always been important - My Dad, who is 85 years old, still practices "image" today ... Do I want to be with her ?? ... Do I really need to end this relationship ?? ... Is she someone that I do not want to live with because of her weight ?? ... We really do have an absolutely tremendous relationship - except for my thoughts ... She does know that I have what I mentioned above - she actually attends my counseling ... She could not be understanding any better ... I just have not discussed rOCD very much - she has no idea how this is ruining my (ours) life .. What do you think ?? ... Do I suffer from rOCD ?? ... I really need to understand and agree that I do suffer from rOCD - and what happens, what I do, etc is not my fault ... Can anyone let me know if my thoughts and actions are actual rOCD examples - or am I being unfair to her by "keeping" her in the marriage ?? ... Do I have rOCD ?? ... Is what's happening not my own fault ?? ... I am suffering ... Thank you very much for your assistance !! ... Link to comment
Ashley Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 Hello there WNB. 18 minutes ago, WNB said: Anyway, I feel that I definitely have rOCD - I have been going to counseling for a long time ... My therapist will not let me discuss rOCD - I must discuss only OCD with her - I am not to be specific by naming the problem as rOCD - I do not understand this at all .. This is actually the sign of a good therapist... assuming they are saying this for the right reason! 19 minutes ago, WNB said: Do I suffer from rOCD ?? … Technically there is no medical term ROCD. So no, you don't suffer with ROCD. But do you suffer with OCD which is focussed on obsessive thoughts and worries and interpretations around your relationship? Yes possibly, but also the OCD is focussed seemingly on what others think your choices if I am understanding. It's about the language we use, and some people have in the past suggested I am a little bit anal about not liking these ROCD (and HOCD and POCD) acronyms but I believe it's actually incredibly important point to help the person identify what is going on. It's not the R part they is the problem, it's the OCD part (i.e. the interpretations around the worries and thoughts, not just linked to the relationship). So my advice would mirror your therapists forget about the ROCD term, nobody in the world suffers from ROCD (it's not a formal medical term), but lots of people, including yourself suffer with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder that is sometimes focussed on thoughts centred on the relationship. In your case, your OCD is loosely focussed on that, but I suspect deep down (I am not a therapist so forgive me if I am off the mark), I think your OCD goes deeper and how people view your choices, maybe how you view your own choices. You see OCD is complex it's wrong to pigeon hole into one small theme, and also it's not uncommon for OCD to shift focus over time to different themes, but always the same faulty thought process mechanism of interpreation/misinterpreation of what the thoughts mean (i.e. OCD) which is what needs treating, the OCD not the theme. 30 minutes ago, WNB said: I am suffering … By not answering that you do have ROCD I appreciate that may not be what you wanted to hear, but from what you wrote you do have OCD. I appreciate the pain this is causing, but the good news is that many of us here have had various types of OCD and the suffering that creates, just like you, we have all been there but I promise you, with the right therapist and some hard work it can get better Link to comment
WNB Posted June 23, 2019 Author Share Posted June 23, 2019 (edited) Ashley - I appreciate your reply greatly ... Thank you ... Believe me, I really do understand your opinion (and my counselor's opinion also) - What you both say now makes sense - it is all OCD - I do not need to be specific by using rOCD ... You did mention that my thoughts are loosely focused on the relationship ... Could you please explain this a little more ?? - I really feel that my thoughts are mainly about my relationship with my wife - "loosely focused on the relationship" confuses me greatly ... I really do believe that my OCD is about our relationship - almost 100% ... I also really need a little more explanation of how my OCD is about my choices - how people view these choices and also how I view my choices - please explain what you mean about these choices ... 45 minutes ago, Ashley said: In your case, your OCD is loosely focussed on that, but I suspect deep down (I am not a therapist so forgive me if I am off the mark), I think your OCD goes deeper and how people view your choices, maybe how you view your own choices. I really would like to thank you again - I have never used forums like this before - I am very scared, actually ... Waiting to hear more from you ... 45 minutes ago, Ashley said: Hello there WNB. This is actually the sign of a good therapist... assuming they are saying this for the right reason! Technically there is no medical term ROCD. So no, you don't suffer with ROCD. But do you suffer with OCD which is focussed on obsessive thoughts and worries and interpretations around your relationship? Yes possibly, but also the OCD is focussed seemingly on what others think your choices if I am understanding. It's about the language we use, and some people have in the past suggested I am a little bit anal about not liking these ROCD (and HOCD and POCD) acronyms but I believe it's actually incredibly important point to help the person identify what is going on. It's not the R part they is the problem, it's the OCD part (i.e. the interpretations around the worries and thoughts, not just linked to the relationship). So my advice would mirror your therapists forget about the ROCD term, nobody in the world suffers from ROCD (it's not a formal medical term), but lots of people, including yourself suffer with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder that is sometimes focussed on thoughts centred on the relationship. In your case, your OCD is loosely focussed on that, but I suspect deep down (I am not a therapist so forgive me if I am off the mark), I think your OCD goes deeper and how people view your choices, maybe how you view your own choices. You see OCD is complex it's wrong to pigeon hole into one small theme, and also it's not uncommon for OCD to shift focus over time to different themes, but always the same faulty thought process mechanism of interpreation/misinterpreation of what the thoughts mean (i.e. OCD) which is what needs treating, the OCD not the theme. By not answering that you do have ROCD I appreciate that may not be what you wanted to hear, but from what you wrote you do have OCD. I appreciate the pain this is causing, but the good news is that many of us here have had various types of OCD and the suffering that creates, just like you, we have all been there but I promise you, with the right therapist and some hard work it can get better In your case, your OCD is loosely focussed on that, but I suspect deep down (I am not a therapist so forgive me if I am off the mark), I think your OCD goes deeper and how people view your choices, maybe how you view your own choices. Edited June 23, 2019 by WNB Link to comment
Ashley Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 20 hours ago, WNB said: You did mention that my thoughts are loosely focused on the relationship ... Could you please explain this a little more ?? - I really feel that my thoughts are mainly about my relationship with my wife - "loosely focused on the relationship" confuses me greatly ... Well I may be wrong, but on the face of it the OCD is focussing on your relationship, your wife. But in your original post you then go on to talk about "I often do not introduce her to friends of mine (I do not have many) - I do not want them to see what I have or what I have chosen and how I could have done so much better". I may be wrong, but I wonder if deep down, beneath the surface the OCD is about how you perceive yourself, maybe how others perceive you. I don't know, just a thought. Like I said, OCD is complex and so the danger of focussing on just one symptom means it's unlikely you will make progress, or find the OCD simply shifts focus. So I would go along with what your therapist is suggesting and focus on thinking about your problems as OCD. You have unwanted intrusive thoughts (theme irrelevant) that leads to various compulsions. Maybe worth spending half a session discussing with your therapist about how OCD works and why it's important not to focus too much on the relationship aspect as a sole approach to treatment. Link to comment
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