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I was on another OCD forum where someone's fears came true. I'm now just thinking that must be what I'm dealing with. Everyone is commenting that some of theirs came true. I'm scared right now. But I feel it in my stomach like it must be the truth (gut feeling that I've been worried about) 

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It can be unkind world and fears can become true. It is sensible for example to have a few month’s worth of spending money in case you get sacked from a job. If you can, that is. But if your fears are generated or inflamed by OCD then you should be aware of this. Generalising from case on a forum to your case seems a little unusual. Incidentally I do not know what your fear is. Has it been established for a long time?

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Just looked at your past few threads.  Ashley suggested setting goals. Sounds a good strategy. For the moment why not go out and do something enjoyable and active. A long bike ride or walk. I do not see how thinking about it will conjure up a solution. You need to switch your mental attention to things in the external world away from introspection and pondering. Mind you, I am advising myself as well.

Edited by Angst
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2 hours ago, don't know said:

It always along the same line. My fear is do with incest, the person on that forum also dealt with sexual themes. 

I am not interested in what happens on other forums.  The fact some random had something come true doesn't mean anything at all DK, it does not mean that your thoughts will come true.... let me put it another way.  I want to put another thought in your head....   If you play the lottery (if you don't, indulge me and go and buy a ticket for tonight)…. the thought is, that you will win a significant life changing amount of money tonight. I want you to think that, write it down if it helps you think the thought.  

The point this will make is just because you have a thought doesn't mean it will come true. Yes it could come true, but the odds are so remote and there is absolutely zero evidence that it will come true.  You can will and urge that thought to come true all day long, that doesn't mean it will. 

Thoughts are just that, thoughts. We can attach any meaning to them we want, and that creates emption.. a pleasant thought of winning the lottery = happy feelings. A horrible thought = unhappy feelings and doubt and uncertainty. 

Does any of this make sense? 

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Hi, 

I understand what you are saying. However, it's important to take into consideration that if this person who had an extreme fear of these thoughts ended up being their 'truth' what's to say that won't be me? It shows that there is a possibility. I'm scared, I don't want the thoughts - neither does this person. So, there is a chance. I don't want to take that chance. Even though I haven't had any thoughts in the past few hours if I see an image I get this feeling of arousal. I don't react to it it's just there, so maybe that means something. That's a piece of evidence. The fact I feel like I don't care anymore, the fact that it feels true. That's evidence isn't it? There's more things to back it up rather than just one thought. 

I do understand your point about thoughts though, like I'll think to myself 'I could kill that person' but more in a way that I'm frustrated or annoyed at them not because I have a desire to do so. It's a fleeting thought and then I never go back to it. But for someone with that fear, it would be the worst thing ever, whereas to me it doesn't mean anything - opposed to what I've written above. 

Thank you for your help though. I appreciate it :) 

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27 minutes ago, don't know said:

 It shows that there is a possibility. I'm scared, I don't want the thoughts - neither does this person. So, there is a chance. I don't want to take that chance. 

 

Yes there is a possibility. You can never get rid of that possibility no matter how hard you try. You say you can't live with that - but you live with all sorts of possibilities every single day. You might catch a flesh eating  virus. A plane might crash into your house.  World war three might break out. You might be paralysed in a car crash. Someone might abduct and murder you. All valid possibilities, even if remote. And I'm willing to bet you happily live alongside these possibilities without too much worry. And the reason for that is you don't focus on them, so you don't care. The only difference with this is you have focused on it for SO long. If you stop focusing on it, the anxiety will fade, it truly will. But you have to take that chance. 

 

 

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Well said GB. Need that like button.

I'll wager that if the person from that other forum came here and they truly had OCD, that they did NOT perform an obsession of theirs. I've seen this a few times and always some careful questioning leads to discovering that the people did not actually do what their obsessions are about.

I should also point out a cognitive distortion you have. Here we have hundreds and hundreds of OCD sufferers who have not performed obsessions but here you are focusing on one person that allegedly did. This is a cognitive distortion, only concentrating on that which backs up your belief, while dismissing all other evidence. Cognitive distortions can be fixed with the aid of a mental health professional.

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Thank you both for your replies, 

I think it's because it falls into that sexual bracket, for me when people say that you have to accept the possibility it's just too much. I know everyone feels like that. 

I saw that they said that they apparently enjoying fantasising about other themes (don't want to say just in case it triggers anyone - but not what I worry about). It is true that I hone in on the one thing which leads me to my feared conclusion. You're right about that. 

 

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Hey, I suffered with Pedophile OCD from 15 to 39. I had thoughts and images of me sexually abusing kids and teenagers. Drove me to the brink.

In recovery I not only had to accept the possibility I was a pedophile, but I also eventually told myself, several times a day, that I was one. Sounds wrong but it actually works.

You don't have to go that far right now. You learn to walk before you run.

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DK, you say that accepting the possibility of this being true is too overwhelming, yet you spend so much time looking for evidence that it is true and finding ways to confirm it.  How much worse can it really be to say to yourself "it may be true and I don't care" as opposed to "it IS true, my life is doomed".

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Hi, 

That sounds absolutely awful. But it's good to see that you recovered. 

The thing is I find myself sometimes thinking 'I don't care' but it just keeps going. But if it is true, my life is doomed, I don't want to do these things, I don't want them in my head or feeling these things. I feel as though everything is so complicated. 

Edited by don't know
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So here's something for you: don't do them. Real simple. 

You get thoughts that you will do something bad. You get thoughts that you might even like it. Okay, so? You have the ability to choose not to do these things. And I believe, if I've followed your posts correctly, that you haven't done these things. There you go. Past performance indicates you won't do them in the future.

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29 minutes ago, don't know said:

I haven't done them but still am I just denying my true nature and I'm using OCD to cover it up. Like what if I'm wrong? 

Your true nature is what you choose to do. You are choosing not to engage in incest.  Thats all you need to do, make a choice and act/not act based on it.
Even if you, perhaps, found a relative attractive, even if you had images of being with them in your head, you could still choose not to do it and that would still be your true nature.

I am a straight male, I find women attractive.  I see women in public all the time who I am attracted to.  I sometimes have images of being with women, even fantasies of being with women I see or know.  At no point have I ever come even the slightest bit close to forcing myself on them though. Why? Because thats a choice, an action.  A thought is just a thought, being attracted to a woman, wanting to sleep with a woman doesn't make me a rapist in my "true nature" any more than your thoughts, whatever they may be make you incestous in your "true nature".

More than likely the reason these thoughts happen so often is because you are worried about them happening and spend so much time trying to make the thoughts not happen.  Unfortunately that just reinforces the thoughts in your head and makes you MORE likely to have them again.  If you want them to go away you need to start treating them as meaningless, you need to train your brain that they aren't important.  Your true nature is the choices you make, and you can make a choice to work towards recovery.

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No, but the point is that not many people get these thoughts in their head. I'm sure most people know for a fact who they are attracted to. I feel like I don't - because it feels like it's in my head constantly. Even when it's not in my head it's there because something reminds me of it. I feel insane and like I don't know my feelings or emotions towards it. I feel like I don't know who I am. I still find myself reading stories or seeing things and thinking to myself 'that happened to this person' and I get this feeling it will happen to me. 

The difference between your example is I'm sure you're fine with those thoughts, whereas I hate mines with a passion. The actual fact that they are there frustrate me to no end. You can pick and choose them. They feel real to me. Sometimes like a force there, I sometimes even feel like people are touching me in inappropriate places even when I'm alone. I'm just a confused mess. They appear in my dreams too which makes me feel even worse because I then believe there is truth to them. 

 

Edited by don't know
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I was reading a book about OCD recovery and something about writing down your worst fear in graphic detail and I panicked. I literally was like that would probably happen to me. Would I react in this way? 

I ended up reading articles about this/people's experience with it. A lot of people didn't know and hid it for years. I also looked up the nature of repression and denial and it feels like it is me. I saw that repression can make you depressed and maybe that's why. I just seeing people that say they never knew and then it just happened and I get these arousals that don't feel like arousals but maybe I've been experiencing it wrong all these years? But I still felt lighter in my stomach and again I feel like that means I connect with it - so it must be the truth. And I am so done. 

I also saw something that made me feel anxious but then I didn't do anything about but at the same time knew that I didn't connect with it so I felt like it disproved it but then it came back up and I thought that it must mean something. Especially after the first trigger I felt an it shaky after it and thought that meant I was lying to myself.  

But why would I be on these sites if it didn't mean anything. If I went on them and felt I didn't relate that would put it to rest but it's the fact that I feel like I relate it doesn't - but why would I be here anyway. And again what's the point in getting help when it seems like all of this is inevitable anyway. I can't sleep now, but I don't feel panicked enough. 

Edited by don't know
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1 hour ago, don't know said:

No, but the point is that not many people get these thoughts in their head. I'm sure most people know for a fact who they are attracted to. I feel like I don't - because it feels like it's in my head constantly.

For people without OCD, yes you are correct, they don't struggle with thoughts like these.

For people WITH OCD?  Its par for the course.  We keep trying to tell you that you are not alone in feeling this way, that many of us have gone through the same or similar situations.  I went through a period where I had these same type of thoughts but towards other men, aka I was afraid I was gay.  Polar Bear mentions above he struggled with pedophile intrusive thoughts for 24 years!  You talk about denial?  Yeah, I went through that too.  I also struggled with "what if I really AM gay and I'm just repressing hit, hiding it, living in denial??"

Your situation is absolutely unpleasant.  But your situation is absolutely not unique.

 

1 hour ago, don't know said:

But why would I be on these sites if it didn't mean anything.

Because thats what people with OCD do! Its a checking compulsion.  Its standard behavior for people with OCD.  They want to prove/disprove the thing they fear so they try all kinds of ways to do it.  
 

1 hour ago, don't know said:

If I went on them and felt I didn't relate that would put it to rest

Sure, checking one time might work, unless you had OCD, in which case checking one time will almost certainly NOT work.  You'd visit once, maybe feel that you didn't relate, but then wonder if maybe you did, you'd start analyzing every feeling, every emotion, every reaction, questioning each and everyone just to make SURE.  And when you didn't feel sure (which again, OCD makes you doubt) you'd think "ok great, that probably just confirms my worst fear".

Every behavior you describe, every thing you talk about, all of it, can be explained as the behavior of someone with OCD.  All of it.  
 

1 hour ago, don't know said:

And again what's the point in getting help when it seems like all of this is inevitable anyway.

You get help because there is the possibility that its NOT what you think it is, and you are suffering for no reason.

If its inevitable, getting help won't change anything.  If its NOT inevitable, getting help will give you a better life.
There's basically no reason not to seek help, no reason not to treat this as OCD (or some other treatable problem).

 

1 hour ago, don't know said:

but I don't feel panicked enough. 

The body can't exist in a constant state of panic, it just doesn't work that way.  
Also, just because you don't feel intense amounts of panic doesn't mean something is true.  I don't feel intense amounts of panic if I ask myself "what if I'm a murderer?"  does that mean I really AM a murderer?  Of course not.  I don't panic at that thought because I don't consider it worth my time, the possibility its true doesn't even register, it seems absurd to me.  Why? Because on that thought my brain is operating normally, it's not affected by my OCD.  Again, very standard and normal behavior for an OCD sufferer.  They aren't terrified by every possible thought, only a few specific ones.  For some people the specific thought is the same for a long time, for others it changes from time to time, but its basically never a fear of all negative possibilities. Even if it were you wouldn't be able to stay panicked about them all all the time, your body literally can not do that, it can not sustain panic indefinitely, any more than you could sprint at full speed indefinitely.

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DK, do you really think that people who commit incest really have a ‘true nature’ as you put it. They are just regular people who happen to find themselves attracted to a particular family member. They then make a decision to act on those thoughts and the person they do it with either is willing or coerced into it. 

It’s not like these people have thoughts that then magically come true with no contribution from them. 

For this to be true for you would require a series of steps that you have to be willing to take. If you don’t want this, don’t act on it. Thoughts are just thoughts, we all have bad thoughts, especially those of us with OCD but they are meaningless.

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Don't Know, 

Hope you don't take this the wrong way mate as its always easy for an OCD sufferer to see through OCD when it's not the theme that's presently causing distress to them. 

However, answer this one simple question:

Do you honestly think ANY pedophile has EVER felt any remorse or felt bad about being a pedophile?

Of course they haven't. They actually get off on it they enjoy it and it doesn't cause them ANY concerns whatsoever!

The reason you are in distress is because YOU ARE NOT one of those types of people.

Also, don't be surprised if the other person wasn't a troll with nothing else better to do with their time than to try and make others suffer.  They are out there...... 

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The denial you involve yourself in is about you having OCD.

Soon after I met you here, I knew you suffered from OCD. I have read every one of your hundreds of posts since then and I am 100% confident today that it's still all OCD.

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5 hours ago, MentalChecker said:

Don't Know, 

Hope you don't take this the wrong way mate as its always easy for an OCD sufferer to see through OCD when it's not the theme that's presently causing distress to them. 

However, answer this one simple question:

Do you honestly think ANY pedophile has EVER felt any remorse or felt bad about being a pedophile?

Of course they haven't. They actually get off on it they enjoy it and it doesn't cause them ANY concerns whatsoever!

The reason you are in distress is because YOU ARE NOT one of those types of people.

Also, don't be surprised if the other person wasn't a troll with nothing else better to do with their time than to try and make others suffer.  They are out there...... 

Although well intended I think this is a big piece of reassurance. Also I'm not sure I agree that nobody has ever felt remorse. 

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On 06/07/2019 at 09:52, don't know said:

Thank you both for your replies, 

I think it's because it falls into that sexual bracket, for me when people say that you have to accept the possibility it's just too much. I know everyone feels like that. 

I saw that they said that they apparently enjoying fantasising about other themes (don't want to say just in case it triggers anyone - but not what I worry about). It is true that I hone in on the one thing which leads me to my feared conclusion. You're right about that. 

 

The smart response here would be 'I think it's because it falls into that OCD bracket'. 

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On 08/07/2019 at 12:34, gingerbreadgirl said:

Although well intended I think this is a big piece of reassurance. Also I'm not sure I agree that nobody has ever felt remorse. 

Absolutely agree, reassurance, and just muddying the waters. 

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Hi, 

Thanks for the replies. I appreciate the reassurance but I agree with the others that I'm sure that people feel remorse and hate that about themselves. But I appreciate you taking the time to write that. 

 I've had a really bad couple days. I went out yesterday and whilst waiting for my bus, I thought I saw my friend and my immediate reaction was extreme anxiety. I don't know if that was them, that's the thing, it was only  two seconds. I then thought that must mean something. I was so stressed about it the entire day. 

Today, I saw something about incest and literally the word I felt this pang in my chest like someone had shot me and I felt defeated. I sometimes even feel like I relate and feel this lightness like a weight being lifted off my shoulders, and my stomach gets lighter. 

I was also watching a video about therapy not working and someone was saying how cbt/erp didn't work for them and the therapist said that you could try another therapy and listed about 50+ other therapies. The ones that stuck out to me was Freudian and sexual crisis therapy. I thought to myself will that happen to me? Will I need to do these therapies? I also went onto another video were they list defense mechanisms - denial, repression etc all came up and just made me feel awful like this is all I'm dealing with in relation to this. 

I stopped writing this post and diverted my attention elsewhere and I saw something online that reminded me of this and I clicked right off it and it just made me feel like that is me and there's no running from it. It ended up in a groinal response. I just really don't have faith in anything. 

Edited by don't know
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