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Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

Having a panic attack, please someone talk to me

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Hi Lost,

Are you okay? I'm so sorry you're struggling and have had bad news. xxx

 

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Hi BelAnna, thank you so much for replying. You know my dad is in a nursing home? Well my mum is friends with a man whose wife is a resident there too. Only it turns out they are more than friends, and he is seriously ill in hospital and my mum has gone to be with him. I went outside further than before then ran inside when the taxi came. I've never been on my own at night before.

Edited by Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

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Why do you think you are afraid of being alone at home at night? What do you think will happen?

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12 minutes ago, Napalm said:

Why do you think you are afraid of being alone at home at night? What do you think will happen?

Thank you for replying. I'm not sure really, I just don't feel safe. And it feels like I'm all alone in the world.

Edited by Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

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1 minute ago, Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze said:

I'm not sure really, I just don't feel safe.

Your home is secure. I'm sure the windows and doors are locked. Therefore, it's unlikely that something bad is going to happen.

Have you tried turning your TV or radio on? It will help you to feel less alone.  

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Thank you, they are locked. I've just been listening to some music which is helping a bit.

My mum said she would let me know when she knew what was happening, but I haven't heard anything and now I'm scared something has happened to her.

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Just now, Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze said:

Thank you, they are locked. I've just been listening to some music which is helping a bit.

My mum said she would let me know when she knew what was happening, but I haven't heard anything and now I'm scared something has happened to her.

Okay, music -- that's good. How long has it been since your mum last contacted you?  

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1 minute ago, Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze said:

It was at least a couple of hours since she'd left, but I've just heard from her, which is a relief!

Well that's good to hear. How do you feel now? Still scared? 

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7 minutes ago, Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze said:

Thank you. I am still scared, but less so than I was, thank you.

You're welcome. Have a good night.

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Hi Lost,

I'm really sorry my laptop ran out of charge last night and only charges off because it's broken so didn't get back on to the internet after replying.

How is your Dad today? That must be awful to know that you're Dad is so unwell and to top it off to find out that he has been sleeping with another resident.

Is he in a care home for dementia or something else? It's just that if it is because of Dementia or the effects of a stroke or head injury then being promiscuous might actually just be a result of damage to the frontal lobe of his brain rather than personal choice. Has your Mum known about his sort-of-relationship for a while? How is she today after visiting your Dad last night?

Also it must really suck not being able to visit your Dad but you did really well to try to get to the taxi.

I hope you're feeling a bit more safe today but it's no wonder you're feeling completely shocked- having a family member seriously ill in hospital is worrying enough, without the additional bad news! 

Thinking of you and I'm really sorry for not replying sooner. 

 

 

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Hi BelAnna,

That's OK. I know what it's like, my phone is forever running out.

I'm afraid in my panic I explained very badly and seem to have totally mislead you! I'm so sorry. It wasn't my dad in hospital, it was my mum's 'friend', and it isn't my dad having the affair (this time - he has in the past before his stroke!) it's my mum, which totally threw me!

Also I never planned to get in the taxi, just went outside with my mum because she was in a state and it was dark. I think I may have set myself back though as I'll now associate it with panic and bad things again.

My mum sat with him in A&E all night then came home when, after doing lots of tests, they sent him home with antibiotics.

I didn't get to bed until 10am, so have been asleep.

How are you?

Edited by Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

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Wow sorry, I totally got the wrong end of the stick! I've just re-read your post and can't even see how I interpreted it like I did! 

That must be really shocking that your Mum is having an affair. Although it sounds like your Dad has done the same in the past. Do you know the man that your Mum is with? Is he nice? That's good for your Mum that he's ok I guess!

 How is your Dad's health just now? Does he have dementia following the stroke or is he in a care home for rehab/physical disabilities? Is he fully with it and able to understand the situation, if he finds out?

Edited by BelAnna

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1 hour ago, BelAnna said:

Wow sorry, I totally got the wrong end of the stick! I've just re-read your post and can't even see how I interpreted it like I did! 

That must be really shocking that your Mum is having an affair. Although it sounds like your Dad has done the same in the past. Do you know the man that your Mum is with? Is he nice? That's good for your Mum that he's ok I guess!

 How is your Dad's health just now? Does he have dementia following the stroke or is he in a care home for rehab/physical disabilities? Is he fully with it and able to understand the situation, if he finds out?

Don't worry, it was late at night!

Yes, it was a huge shock. Although I suspected they might one day become more than just friends when their respective spouses weren't around any more, I hadn't realised how far the relationship had already gone. I don't think they've actually slept together yet though, sorry if I implied that. I've never met him, but Mum says he's nice. She's had a lot if bad experiences with men (including my dad!), so I hope he really is. His wife has dementia and doesn't talk to him, though she does talk to other people. My dad would understand and be upset, but he openly flirts with the carers in front of my mum, so...

After recovering from the initial shock, I can understand why they haven't waited, given their age and bad health. They've both been carers, so have lots in common, and deserve some happiness.

He's still not well and Mum doesn't think he should have been sent home.

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6 hours ago, Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze said:

I think I may have set myself back though as I'll now associate it with panic and bad things again.

You must be shattered today Lost, but if you feel up to it tomorrow, could you try to pick up where you left off with going outside? 

It’s not a foregone conclusion you’ll associate being outside with panic and bad things...you can change the script quite quickly again by keeping going with what you’re accomplishing. 

I just wanted to say something because I struggled with agoraphobia in my late teens, I appreciate how scary and hard it is taking those first steps, it takes real courage and strength to do what you’re doing, but the more you put off going outside again, the harder it’s unfortunately going to be getting back to where you are now. 

It’s just so important to look at this as a blip that’s fazed you today, but one that isn’t going to stop you moving forward.

Basically, that’s a very long winded way of saying try to get back on that old horse:)

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Give it your best shot:)

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