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WilliamBnixon

Pocd new obsession

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Hello everyone I do suffer from ocd. I have suffered badly from rocd, hocd and checking alot. 

Recently its turned to pocd I think. 

It's started off when I was watching pornography on a licenced website pornhub.com.    

I watched this one video and the girls looked quite young but it didn't concern me to much at the time. Later on I had this thought come into my head saying what if they were under 18.  So I checked if they were18 and over and they were. 24 and 18. 

But now my mind is making me beielve that I didn't care about if they were younger while I was watching it at the time . But I was concerned after obviously. I wouldnt watch anything which is illegal for example child porn because that is disgusting. 

The website says they don't put anything on there which is under the age of 18 but its making me doubt everything because it could be lying. Is this pocd starting? 

-

There's so much guilt feeling at the moment. P

Edited by WilliamBnixon
Mistake

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1 hour ago, WilliamBnixon said:

Its making me feel like I'm a pedophile or pervert but I don't find young people attractive I'm totally against It. 

There's one word there that is key and important and you need to focus on William.  Not the paedophile word or the pervert word, but 'feel'...  its making me 'feel' like I'm a paedophile. This is actually a point for everyone with all types of OCD. OCD makes us 'feel' we're a paedophile, makes us 'feel' we are contaminated, makes us feel we are a bad person etc, etc.  But if there is one lesson I would teach everyone, that is that OCD is one big lying *******.

Just because we feel something, doesn't make it reality, true, a desire, an intent, it's just a feeling, it really is nothing else.  But the problem is, OCD doesn't like uncertainty or doubt so it convinces us that our feelings are true and we are, in this case, a paedophile.  But it's not true, it goes back to my point above, OCD is one big fat lying *******. 

1 hour ago, WilliamBnixon said:

I have suffered badly from rocd, hocd and checking alot. 

Recently its turned to pocd I think.

Just on the use of the acronyms, this is exactly why I despise them because it gives people the wrong impression which could lead to a failure to correctly address the real problem, OCD.  So what I mean is William, you don't suffer from ROCD, HOCD or POCD.   You have suffered with OCD, that's the common denominator, OCD and partly I guess your inability (which we all have) to accept the uncertainty from the particular thought of the day/week/month.  By using the acronyms people often get sucked into treating the 'flavour' not the problem itself, OCD. 

Are you getting any therapeutic support for your OCD William?

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It's just  when I started watching this video I said to my self jeez these girls look quite young. But it didn't bother me untilater with the what if. I'm young I'm 23 so my testorone is high so I watch porn on a regular basis. So Monday this week just gone I watched a porn video that day too, so I checked the person's profile and they say they are 18, but they posted the video just over a year ago. So they must of been 17 in that video. It's illegal to watch someone under the age of 18. I didn't know they were under 18 because on pornhub.com website they say you can only put videos on if your 18 and they get checked but obviously they don't check them I feel disgusted because I didn't know because they look older on the video, I feel awful and scared. I did get help with cbt but this new topic is horrible and feels horrible and stronger than the others I have suffered with. 

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One of the characteristics of OCD is checking. But when you are in an OCD mood any checking with regard to your current theme is counterproductive. Basically you apply the same CBT principles to all manifestations.

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Just do what you did for previous themes & it should respond the same.

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William, you need to take a step back and realize what you are doing to make this mess much worse.

You got a thought that the actors looked young. Now right there you had an intrusive thought. It made you anxious. You had a choice: to let it go or investigate it further. You chose the latter, which is a compulsion. 

Intrusive thought + anxiety + compulsion = OCD. It's that simple. Now did the compulsion make your situation better? No. It caused you to be more on guard the next time. You checked profiles. You checked ages. You calculated how old one was when the video was made. All compulsions. Did they make you feel better? No. They made things worse.

You performed unnecessary compulsions. Now your mind is spinning and you feel miserable. See the correlation?

Now you could easily say, but I have to know if these girls are underage. No, you don't. That's your OCD talking. You don't have to figure anything out. You can leave it alone.

Edited by PolarBear

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Also, don’t look at porn if it triggers you. 

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28 minutes ago, Handy said:

Also, don’t look at porn if it triggers you. 

Handy, if you understood OCD, you would know that would be the compulsion of avoidance. In the short term it could be a good idea, until he knows how to handle such triggers, but eventually (sooner rather than later) he needs to face his fears.

Edited by PolarBear

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