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Dont know just seems to have a grip on me Im constantly worried im going to type something in at work, or google, or something, and then when I ritualize about it I think that because I thought about it, I might have somehow done it, I know what I have to do, Ive just felt so exhausted with it and now when I come to the end of it and feel like, "ive ritualized to the best i can" i feel that all the times i did means its actually more likely i have done now, because i have this complex about i always make things worse, I know im repeating myself, I just dont feel at peace ever, and I wish I could get to a point where I overcome this damn disorder but I havent got there and dont think I ever am, and thats so depressing to me. should you beat yourself up for ritualizing i know you have a choice i dunno i guess i just feel overall, no peace or whatever, i dont even know.

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