Please push me in other direction...

[njb]

Hi,

I've been in an utterly dark place last two days since being triggered by a picture of a 10 and 12 yr old Disney stars with lots of make up and dressed up like older people. I have done nothing but feed the OCD since, scouring and searching and analysing and reviewing and thinking and obsessing that I am my worst fears. I pretty quickly got to rock bottom and surprised myself but I am starting to address the all consuming rumination and had to reach out to just feel like I am reaching someone or a community that gets it. The guilt and loneliness and utter desperation is just too much. A simple hello would be ace :-)

Going to deploy anti-ocd techniques !

njb

[Gemma7]

Hello

Come on njb, you can do this! You know where you've gone wrong, kick OCD butt! 

[battlethrough]

Hello mate, the ocd tides in at the moment, it will go out again

[njb]

1 hour ago, Gemma7 said:

Hello

Come on njb, you can do this! You know where you've gone wrong, kick OCD butt! 

Damn right Gemma7 :-) Thanks for the reply. Helps kick own backside. I am off for a lunchtime walk in park...hope you are ok

[njb]

4 minutes ago, battlethrough said:

Hello mate, the ocd tides in at the moment, it will go out again

Hi mate,

Hope you are ok - and thanks for the reply as it feels good to be able to reach people. Stay strong mate.

njb

[gingerbreadgirl]

You can do this njb, you're stronger than ocd and you can pull yourself out of this. Hope you enjoyed your walk and you've had a good day x 

[dksea]

Remember:
A thought is not a desire
A desire is not an action
Despite what we want to believe, we do not control all of our thoughts, we probably don't even control most of them.
We do control our actions, so not matter what thoughts we have, we can choose how to act how WE want.

[njb]

4 hours ago, dksea said:

Remember:
A thought is not a desire
A desire is not an action
Despite what we want to believe, we do not control all of our thoughts, we probably don't even control most of them.
We do control our actions, so not matter what thoughts we have, we can choose how to act how WE want.

Thanks dksea and for the thought action fusion example. I like to hope however that the 'desire' element is false from OCD but understand we need to accept all things uncertain. Perhaps we could have 'a desire (false or real) is not an action ' :-)

[dksea]

15 hours ago, njb said:

I like to hope however that the 'desire' element is false from OCD but understand we need to accept all things uncertain. Perhaps we could have 'a desire (false or real) is not an action ' :-)

Hah, yes, I can definitely understand that hope, and I think its fair to think about our OCD thoughts that way.  But when you do, be careful it doesn't itself become an obsession itself, a different way of seeking certainty.

Part of my reason for stating that desire is not action is to recognize that desire is also not something we can always directly control, and it doesn't have to be scary.  You can desire something and it doesn't make you a bad person, a monster, etc. even if it would be wrong to act on a desire.

For example, if I see a beautiful woman walking own the street, I may desire to sleep with her.  But that doesn't mean I would force myself on her.  The desire is just a response, just a thought, it doesn't force me to act if I don't want to. What if the woman I see is actually 17?  Does that make me a. monster for finding her attractive and desirable?  I'm not acting on anything, I know that doing so would be the wrong choice so I don't.  The desire is just a thought, my actions define who I am.

Or maybe I'm an alcoholic, I desire a drink, I desire it a LOT.  That doesn't make me a bad person, I can still choose not to drink because I know its the wrong choice to make. 

In the above cases there are circumstances where the desire would be fine, if the woman wanted to sleep with me for example, or if I was also 17, or if I wasn't an alcoholic.  So what about a situation where the desire would probably be wrong under most circumstances?  Lets take a work situation.  You have a coworker, this coworker is obnoxious as can be, they just annoy you and EVERYONE in the office.  They are inconsiderate, rude, etc.  You might have a desire, a strong desire, to punch them in the face.  To just beat them up.  In general however, physically assaulting someone is not ok, unless they actually present a danger to you or others you shouldn't do it.  It would be wrong to act on this desire to assault your coworker, and so you choose not to, you choose to set aside that desire and not act on it.  The desire is real, its probably not ideal, but you have the capability to determine your actions beyond these kind of desires.

Desires are just thoughts, and thoughts are just things that happen in our mind.  Some thoughts are "good" some thoughts are "bad" and most are somewhere in between.  Most we have little direct control over.  What separates us is the thoughts we intentionally control and even more the actions we choose to take based on those thoughts.  You will never find a person who doesn't have a "bad" thought, its impossible.  So try not to put too much emphasis on the thoughts/desires part anyway.  Whats important is how you choose to act, and understanding that a thought is just a thought.