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Change in Focus of OCD - now relationship


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Hello, thanks for reading. So have had OCD for a few years and the main focus has been obsessions about POCD. Now have been in a happy relationship with basically the man of my dreams for the last year. We went for our 1 year anniversary dinner and almost overnight I am anxious, feeling disconnected to him and constantly wondering whether I even love him, whether we can last etc etc. It's honestly stopping me feeling anything, which is terrifying. We went on holiday last week, I barely enjoyed it and it feels 'wrong' when we have sex, which has never happened with him before. I'm going to have a first session with a therapist next week, but if anyone has had experience with dealing with this with a partner, I would love to hear from you about how you dealt with it. I really really really don't want this to ruin the relationship!!! I have spoken to him about it and he's being so patient and understanding, but I hate that when I am with him I can't just enjoy our time together now and instead feel sick and guilty :(

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  • Ashley changed the title to Change in Focus of OCD - now relationship

Hey hereforhelp,

I have struggled with this quite a lot both in my current relationship and previous ones too. I'm  in therapy now although honestly haven't discussed this very much as there are other things that bother me more. However, I have found that CBT has helped me in everyday life and that the anxiety has generally gone down. I think that you first need to identify what compulsions you're doing here. Are you ruminating, analysing your feelings, feel like you need to confess to your partner? These are the things to start with, don't let your mind go down this route. 

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Ocd has a habit of latching on to what is important to you which is your relationship at present. When you are getting intrusive thoughts and doubts which is ocd in a nut shell it is hard to relax and enjoy the moment which can interfer during intimacy because you are feeling stressed. If you treat these thoughts as ocd and like malina says cut out the compulsions ocd will reduce. I hope you feel better soon it is tough sometimes x

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As angels has pointed out OCD has the tendency to latch on to things that are important to us. How predictable the inane disorder is. From a cognitive POV, try to remember it's just the same old bully crying for attention. Way forward? Disappoint it. 

Edited by paradoxer
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Hi hereforhelp :)

The best thing you can do is to start really getting a good understanding of OCD and how it is maintained and the best way other than in therapy is with a self-help book like Break free from OCD. It explains it way better than I could and it tells you what to expect from therapy near the back, which is ideal if you are just about to start. It's available on kindle so you could get it straight away if feel you need to. 

Aside from that like others have said, you need to begin working out what compulsions you are doing. Understand that they aren't helping and are actually causing the problem. If you are aware of what behaviours you are doing it will be easier to explain your problem to your therapist :)

Take a look on the OCD-UK website too for things to do while waiting, 

https://www.ocduk.org/overcoming-ocd/preparing-for-ocd-therapy/

https://www.ocduk.org/overcoming-ocd/getting-the-most-from-therapy/

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20 hours ago, Handy said:

Relationship OCD has this need to obsess & confess. It responds to CBT & relationship returns to normal. 

It looks like treatment is improving further with this theme.

I read a new article earlier today on msn, titled "what is relationship ocd & how can you tell if you have it". In it, they say that, "While CBT is highly effective for treating OCD, researchers are just beginning to figure out how to tailor treatment for relationship-oriented OCD symptoms, specifically.

Good luck with the CBT next week hereforhelp!

:) 

 

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