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OCD and loss of aesthetic attraction


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Hello,

I had all the symptoms of OCD for about sixteen months: intrusive thoughts, constant anxiety, constant ruminations, impression of feeling attracted to same-sex individuals, imagining scenarios with each sex to see which one I liked best, questioning the meaning of the word attraction and plethora of other things. In February 2018, I realized that I was heterosexual, that it was only OCD, I stopped reacting to the symptoms by letting anxiety and thoughts pass and everything started to get better. I no longer had any anxiety and intrusive thoughts, impression of feelings of attraction to same-sex individuals, everything had almost disappeared for a few weeks.

Shortly afterwards, I began to notice defects in the girls I found attractive, things I had never noticed before, and, I began to lose my aesthetic/physical attraction to the opposite sex (when I talk about aesthetic/physical attraction, I mean the ability to find women beautiful, pretty) I first thought of a HOCD effect, I didn't have much or no anxiety, but I started testing myself on images of women to see if the attraction had returned. All the attraction wasn't gone, but a big part wasn't there anymore (it's not really quantifiable but except for the very very beautiful girls, I don't find any pretty girls anymore) Little by little, I started to doubt, the anxiety came back a little bit and I was afraid that my attraction would never return. Anxiety was not always there, but I sometimes cried wondering why my attraction had not returned, talking to myself asking me to make the attraction return (some kind of prayer I guess, when I am not at all a religious person). Every day, I thought about my lost attraction and said to myself that I wanted it to come back, I wondered why the attraction had gone, looking for stories of loss of attraction due to OCD on Google. All this lasted several months, until October. Anxiety has totally disappeared (and was not very present between February and October 2018). Since January, I stopped testing myself on pictures of girls to see if I found their faces pretty but nothing came back in terms of attraction, I only find beautiful the very very pretty girls now, it's as if I had become a thousand times more selective). So I no longer have any anxiety, the aesthetic/physical attraction that has not yet returned, but I think about it every day, I am a little worried that the attraction will not return as before. I don't know if I can still consider it OCD.

I have been told here that OCD can make my aesthetic attraction to women disappear, but I don't understand how since I no longer have anxiety. Could someone please explain that to me? 

Of course, I know the "backdoor spike", but for so long it seems unlikely to me. I have always read that physical/esthetic attraction comes back once the anxiety disappears, but I am no longer anxious and the attraction has still not returned. The little worry I have left doesn't seem to me to be enough to say that it's anxiety, I can function normally. Before, when I had anxiety, I had a knotted stomach, I was really not well, it was not manageable, now it is, hence the fact that I think it's not anxiety. I am aware that this email looks like/is a request for comfort but I don't know what to do anymore, I just want my aesthetic/physical attraction to girls to be like before, I miss it so much.

Is it still OCD? If so, do you have any advice on how to make this attraction return?

 

7zurg

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Hi 7zurg,

I know it is not the same thing, but I went through a period where I lost the need for sleep at night.

It is difficult to explain, but it felt like something purely psychological took over and were being argumentative by going all out to prevent me sleeping during what I deemed normal hours like most people have!

I would not describe mine as OCD, but along the same lines.

Are you able to discuss this with a doctor 7zurg?

I wish you all the best. 

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13 hours ago, 7zurg said:

but I think about it every day, I am a little worried that the attraction will not return as before. I don't know if I can still consider it OCD.

I have been told here that OCD can make my aesthetic attraction to women disappear, but I don't understand how since I no longer have anxiety. Could someone please explain that to me? 


The fact that you still worry about this, that you think about it every day still strongly points to OCD,  you have an obsession around physical attraction.  Obsessions are unwanted thoughts that cause distress.  Yes anxiety can be one sign of distress, but it doesn't have to be strictly anxiety, further anxiety doesn't have to be intense and crippling in order to be present.  Very often my OCD presents as just not feeling "right", and this causes me to feel distress.  My stomach is not in knots all the time when I am struggling with OCD, its a spectrum, not an on or off switch.  Given that this is still bothering you, that you think about this every day, that means that anxiety is still almost certainly present.  If you weren't anxious you wouldn't care, you'd just get on with your life as is.

That is not to say your problem is specifically or exclusively OCD, but your descriptions of the situation lead me to believe that OCD is definitely involved.

Additionally the fact that you are so focused on an outcome, so fixated on your attraction coming "back" is likely a part of why you still struggle with it.  You continue to focus on this idea of physical attraction, it continues to be a central idea that you worry about, thus potentially affecting your ability to simply experience a moment, to see a girl as attractive or not on instinct.  its very likely after worrying about it all this time, you have trained your brain to react by immediately wondering "do I find her attractive, am I noticing imperfections about her?" which of course leads you to directly evaluating the girl and looking for flaws and pulling you out of the moment of just seeing their physical attractiveness.  You are overthinking it, your brain has been habituated to do so.  

All of that said, if you are struggling the best thing you could dod is see a qualified mental health professional.  Maybe there is something going on beyond OCD, maybe there are techniques you can apply that are more targeted towards the situation you find yourself in.  Unfortunately none of us are experts on all mental health issues, we are, almost exclusively laymen who have a deeper knowledge of OCD than usual so we can talk to you about OCD better than the average person might, but if its another problem too?  Much less likely you'll just stumble across the answers talking to us compared to another random person.

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On 21/07/2019 at 00:53, 7zurg said:

In your post you say it could be OCD but not just that. What do you mean by that? What could be with OCD?

Sorry if my meaning wasn't quite clear.  By this I mean, that OCD could be a reason or part of a reason you are struggling..  When we are anxious and worried, its harder to enjoy life in other ways.  Say, for example, you are waiting for the results of a medical test.  While you are waiting you have some dessert, say an ice cream cone, your favorite flavor.  It probably won't taste that great to you.  You're focused on the test results, worried about the test results, so you are less able to enjoy the dessert.  Thats pretty normal.  But once you add in OCD it ramps up the worry, you aren't just worried over serious things, you can be worried about ANYTHING, and its much harder to pull out of that worry. If you are worried about attraction for example, the fact that you are worried can make it harder to feel enjoyment, which means things won't seem as attractive to you, which causes you to worry, which keeps you from enjoying, its a feedback loop essentially, fueled by the doubt engine of OCD.  So OCD could very much be a part of this by fueling your anxiety.  But its not the only possible source of problems, there are other mental health issues that could be at play.  As this is an OCD support forum, we tend to look at problems through the lens of OCD, and thats fine, but its always worth keeping that ni mind.  Also we are not your doctor or therapist, few (if any) of us are professionally trained, and we aren't seeing you or your full medical history in the same light.  The best option is almost always to see a qualified mental health professional when you are having significant problems in your life like this.  That doesn't mean its NOT OCD, just that your best bet at recovery is with the help of an expert.

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On 18/07/2019 at 13:56, dksea said:

  the fact that you are so focused on an outcome, so fixated on your attraction coming "back" is likely a part of why you still struggle with it.  You continue to focus on this idea of physical attraction, it continues to be a central idea that you worry about, thus potentially affecting your ability to simply experience a moment, to see a girl as attractive or not on instinct.  its very likely after worrying about it all this time, you have trained your brain to react by immediately wondering "do I find her attractive, am I noticing imperfections about her?" which of course leads you to directly evaluating the girl and looking for flaws and pulling you out of the moment of just seeing their physical attractiveness.  You are overthinking it, your brain has been habituated to do so. 

I agree with dksea.

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