Don't know if I should be happy or frustrated

[malina]

Hi guys,

Sorry, I just need a minute to vent. I've been doing quite well lately but I had a massive rush of anxiety just now and I feel really frustrated. My main fear is around harm, knives etc. So I was chopping up a salad for dinner and the thoughts just hit me and felt very real. Anyway, I didn't do anything, I just continued making my salad and let myself feel the anxiety. I've been working on mindfulness so I tried to focus on how it actually felt physically. Avoidance is my big compulsion so I'm proud that I didn't run away. On the other hand, I am feeling very shaken. Since I fell into a relapse over 6 months ago now, I have felt so uncomfortable in my own skin and my own life. I've made a lot of progress and I'm feeling better, but I just can't relax and enjoy downtime anymore. I miss just coming home and relaxing with my boyfriend or even spending time alone when he's not around. I just want some peace. Sorry guys, I just needed to let that out. 

[gingerbreadgirl]

Sorry you're struggling Malina. Ocd really sucks and it takes so much away. But there is always hope, I really believe that. You should be really proud of yourself for not avoiding the knives, no easy feat! 

Sending you hugs 

[malina]

Thanks a lot GBG, I think I just needed to hear some nice words!! I also believe that there is hope, some days life feels good but you're right that OCD does take a lot away. 

[leif]

Oh wow Malina, I just posted a similar one! 

Very good for you for not avoiding! I know that is one of my biggest compulsions too.

You are making such great progress overall so that is great. But yes i totally get where you are coming from about missing that ability to really relax. 

Well we'll just have to keep at it I guess!

[Andrea]

Hi malina ,

I am sorry you are feeling that you can't relax. Sometimes I feel the same too.

I agree with gingerbreadgirl: "OCD sucks but there is hope." . We have to learn to relax in spite of our OCD

You are doing a great job   keep going and don't forget to feel very proud of all your progress

I send you a big HUG 

[paradoxer]

OCD is tough, even with insight and progress ... it's good, and therapeutic -  to vent sometimes. 

[malina]

Thanks a lot for your replies and support everyone, it means a lot