Black Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 Well after 8 years of suspecting I have ocd, which I now realise has been there in many forms since childhood, today is the day that I see an ocd specialist for the first time. I have to do this as I can’t handle this flare up by myself. I’m in my 40s and a mum now so have to do this for my family as well as for myself. Yesterday was an awful day with lots of sheer panic about today. I am so nervous and have so much riding on this therapist being knowledgeable. Like what is he says I don’t have ocd and my themes are true? That would mean I’m a terrible person and I just couldn’t cope with that. But I have to be brave and do this to get better as my anxiety is getting worse. Wish me luck guys and if anyone has any words of wisdom or advice on how to handle this, how to phrase things, getting through the morning before my appointment, that would be much appreciated. Link to comment
malina Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 Good luck Black!! You'll see that it will go well and that there was nothing to worry about. The guy is an OCD specialist, he will understand. I had initially had some bad experiences with university counsellors who didn't understand OCD, but when I first met a specialist, it was a game changer. It's really a great feeling to tell someone all the things in your mind that you thought were crazy and for them to understand and not judge you. No therapist will tell you that you're a terrible person, and if they do, they are clueless! Just have faith in yourself, go in there and be open. Let us know how it goes! Link to comment
gingerbreadgirl Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 Good luck black! This is an exciting new start and hopefully the beginning of your recovery. As milina says, an ocd specialist will understand it all and will have heard it a million times before. You can do this! Link to comment
Black Posted July 18, 2019 Author Share Posted July 18, 2019 Thanks so much for your support ladies, I’m a bit shaking this morning, huge step for me I’m sure you can remember that feeling. Anxiety is terrible. I mean it says he has 15 years experience of treating ocd on his website but he doesn’t only deal with ocd so now I thinking we’ll what if he’s only had one ocd client a year! Such a peep of faith isn’t it, he has the capacity to make me ten times worse with what he says or to show me he can really help me to make myself better. So scared. Link to comment
malina Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 10 minutes ago, Black said: Thanks so much for your support ladies, I’m a bit shaking this morning, huge step for me I’m sure you can remember that feeling. Anxiety is terrible. I mean it says he has 15 years experience of treating ocd on his website but he doesn’t only deal with ocd so now I thinking we’ll what if he’s only had one ocd client a year! Such a peep of faith isn’t it, he has the capacity to make me ten times worse with what he says or to show me he can really help me to make myself better. So scared. Take it from me, my first therapist was absolutely AWFUL (as in just not a very nice person as well as being a bad therapist) and yet it didn't make me worse. I doubt anything dramatic will happen today, you will most likely just have an introduction, talk about yourself etc. If you feel that it's not a right fit for you, fair enough. Just have faith in yourself. You've been down this road before and got better on your own, one person can't just make you 10 times worse just by saying the wrong thing. Link to comment
Black Posted July 18, 2019 Author Share Posted July 18, 2019 Thankyou, my husband had the same rationale last night but I’m so fragile right now that I fear it might tip me over the edge. If I get the feeling he’s not the right therapist I will look into Skype options with ucla I think. Link to comment
Black Posted July 18, 2019 Author Share Posted July 18, 2019 I’m so hoping he’s the right person though, I need the help now! Link to comment
Handy Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 Ask what method they use. What college & education they have. What training they have. What things they report. Their success rate. Etc. Link to comment
Gemma7 Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 Good luck Black, I'm sure it will turn out great Link to comment
Black Posted July 19, 2019 Author Share Posted July 19, 2019 It went really well. It was tough but I told him everything and he really wasn’t phased. Said he hears this stuff everyday and that I 100% have ocd, that there isn’t a doubt in his mind. He’s given me some things to work on and I think he will be a great therapist. Thanks for encouraging me to seek help, right now in this moment I’m really glad I did. I will expect doubts and thoughts to creep in but it’s a marathon not a sprint x Link to comment
gingerbreadgirl Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 Really pleased it went so well black x Link to comment
lostinme Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 That's great news black, onwards and upwards from now Link to comment
malina Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 That's great Black, happy to hear it went well!! Link to comment
Binxy Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 Cracking job! This is the beginning of recovery! Link to comment
Black Posted July 19, 2019 Author Share Posted July 19, 2019 Thanks, doubts and anxiety creeping in already but I will relabel, accept and refocus Link to comment
malina Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 3 minutes ago, Black said: Thanks, doubts and anxiety creeping in already but I will relabel, accept and refocus It's natural to feel this way. When I started ERP with my current therapist I started thinking he was the one who was nuts. You've just got to have faith and keep going even if it doesn't always "feel right". It's important to communicate this to him as well though, just be open about your doubts so he knows what you're feeling. Link to comment
leif Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 8 hours ago, Black said: Thanks, doubts and anxiety creeping in already but I will relabel, accept and refocus Yes I had that as well when seeing therapists. It can be hard and scary to open up to someone. But hopefully you'll start to feel more comfortable as you begin to trust the therapist and the process. Good for you for going in to get the help--such a great step! Link to comment
paradoxer Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 (edited) 23 hours ago, Black said: Thanks, doubts and anxiety creeping in already but I will relabel, accept and refocus It's just OCD doing its thing, it doesn't like people being proactive against it. You have the tools. Edited July 20, 2019 by paradoxer Link to comment
dksea Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 On 19/07/2019 at 11:49, Black said: It went really well. It was tough but I told him everything and he really wasn’t phased. Said he hears this stuff everyday and that I 100% have ocd, that there isn’t a doubt in his mind. He’s given me some things to work on and I think he will be a great therapist. Thanks for encouraging me to seek help, right now in this moment I’m really glad I did. I will expect doubts and thoughts to creep in but it’s a marathon not a sprint x I'm so happy for you that the appointment went well, that the therapist was helpful and supportive, and that you are looking forward to working with him. Of course, sorry that you have OCD, none of us want that, but since you do I'm glad you got answers and have begun charting a course forward. Hang in there and keep up the good work, you are going in the right direction! Link to comment
Black Posted July 23, 2019 Author Share Posted July 23, 2019 5 hours ago, dksea said: I'm so happy for you that the appointment went well, that the therapist was helpful and supportive, and that you are looking forward to working with him. Of course, sorry that you have OCD, none of us want that, but since you do I'm glad you got answers and have begun charting a course forward. Hang in there and keep up the good work, you are going in the right direction! Thanks so much. It’s been very up and down since my appointment, lots of paranoia about what he thinks of me, what he’s written about me in his notes, what he will do with that information etc etc but I’ll be going back again in Thursday and will tell him all about those thoughts, as they actually sent me into a tail spin on Sunday I’ve calmed down a bit now though. Link to comment
gingerbreadgirl Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 i think telling him these thoughts is a great idea - he will have heard them all before in the meantime just try and be kind to yourself and give yourself a break, try not to ruminate too much and stay busy x Link to comment
Black Posted July 23, 2019 Author Share Posted July 23, 2019 Thanks, I’ve been on fluoxetine for 8 weeks now but although I thought it was working at first I’m feeling worse. My gp has told me to stop it today and start escitaloptam in 7 days. I really don’t know what to do. Scared to stop and scared to carry on as I’m sure last time I was feeling better by 8 weeks not worse. I’ve had some really bad days recently. Link to comment
gingerbreadgirl Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 I'm guessing that your anxiety levels are probably caused by some compulsion you're doing rather than the meds alone - are you ruminating or looking for reassurance? Or something else to try and make the anxiety go away? X Link to comment
Black Posted July 23, 2019 Author Share Posted July 23, 2019 All of the above unfortunately! Yesterday was a good day but today not so much. Gonna try and refocus on something else, like work Link to comment
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