Feel like I'm starting to move on

[Ollie46]

Another post and happy to report it's another step forward OCD-wise! I'm so much happier at the moment and I'm finding that my head has a lot more space to occupy with other things than just my intrusive thoughts and ruminations. I picked up a new hobby  have been hanging out with people way more (enjoying the sunshine whilst it's still here), have been managing to work out a bit more and am managing to not get caught up in compulsions as much. 

All in all, good news! Especially because I'm moving out of a truly awful phase in terms of OCD. And that comes with issues of its own- I feel like I lost a lot of self confidence and esteem in my difficult period. I feel much less sure of myself in my recovery, which I'm sure is just another OCD thought that I'm obsessing over. When ocd hits it does so quite hard and the feelings of guilt are very heavy.

I'm learning to let it go and recognise the guilt as a response is actually a compulsion. And I'm also learning that being 100% sure of something will just never happen with OCD being a factor, it does not allow for positive absolutes  only negative ones. This makes life hard, as it does for us all, and I still get moments where I go over events in my head time and time again in order to find some shred of evidence that I'm not a bad person and that what I thought/felt was just ocd. I really hate this, it's by far the hardest part of everything.

But the main feeling that has returned is the clarity you receive when something has been ignored enough and OCD's focus is removed and you see it for what it really is- just a mean disorder. It always comes back, but I think I can consistently keep it at bay now, which is big progress for me

Edited July 23, 2019 by Ollie46

[gingerbreadgirl]

This is fantastic news, really made me smile  I know you've had a rough time of late and so pleased you're starting to feel better.  Keep going along this path, and enjoy it, you deserve to! x

[Gemma7]

That's brilliant Ollie, I'm really happy for you. You explain what's it's like to come out of OCD's shadow so well. Thank you for posting

[lostinme]

This is great news Ollie, you've done so well, be proud of yourself and your  achievements  

[malina]

14 hours ago, Ollie46 said:

 it does not allow for positive absolutes  only negative ones. 

It’s wonderful that you’re doing better, you should be proud of yourself for all your hard work and progress! I just quoted this part of your post because it’s such a good way of describing the pattern of thinking regarding certainty! 

[paradoxer]

Good for you!

[jlmdfem]

So happy for you Ollie and this is so inspiring to hear! I'm going through another rough patch and struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel but you are living proof that there is one! Thank you and all the best!