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Feeling guilty as hell


Guest OCDhavenobrain

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Guest OCDhavenobrain

Yet another relationship cracked and I am feeling really lonely again.

And my relative yelled at me really much and I couldn't take it so I throw a empty pillbottle out from my room there, there is a door to the kitchen and it went in there I suppose, she said it hit her, first she said it hit her on the hand but then she said it hitted her in the head. So now I just feel like it is too much. 

The thing is that I am feeling anxious because of the loneliness and it is just very much. It just got too much when my mother said that I was a failure and such to my dad, I do know that I am a failure and that I haven't done what I should have done in life but it just is too much when everything is cracking down. A two months realationship which went from contact all the day to nothing... and not even an answer now. 

But now instead I am feeling guilty and why am I doing this, I have beaten up my own mother :(

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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Sorry you are going though a hard time @OCDhavenobrain

Going through break-ups are always so hard and stressful. It can really bring a person down. And I know you mentioned before the stress you feel about having to live with your parents. Of course its not good to be throwing things at people. So it would be good if you can find a way to better deal with the stress. Are you seeing a counselor that can help you find constructive ways to deal with the stress?

I'm not sure why you feel like a failure but I know for me the OCD really puts limits on what i can do. Remember we are functioning with a disability so go easy on yourself if you can. 

Try to move on from this--refocus to the positive. Listen to some good music, get out exercising every day, maybe take some classes in something you are interested in.

Anyways just wanted to wish you well!

Take care 

 

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Hey @OCDhavenobrain I'm sorry you're in such a bad place at the moment. As someone who has gone through family problems myself, I can understand that it's horrible and that bad days like this do happen. Sometimes the people that you're closest to can hurt you so much and bring out a lot of anger. I think you have two problems here, on one hand the OCD and on the other some genuine and natural guilt for what has happened. Feeling guilt and loneliness over this kind of thing is normal. The question is what to do with that guilt. Do you dwell on it and let it wear you down or do you try to change things? With families, there is so much that can go wrong but there is also a lot of space for forgiveness. Give it some thought and try to make amends with your mother.

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You are NOT a failure! That was an awful thing for your mother to say. And to be honest, I'm not even sure the pill bottle did hit her - it sounds as if she's just trying to make you feel bad. Even if it did hit her, you didn't do it on purpose.

I hope you can heal the relationship with your mother, but remember it's not just you who needs to apologise. :hug:

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Guest OCDhavenobrain

Ok, thank you very much both of you. I am just tired of this circle reapeating itself, over and over again. I find a intresting relationship or anything and I just seem unable to not get totally focused on that. 
 

So I haven't been able to cope with the situation at home because I have had other people around me but now it got very hard, and I am very anxious. However, I am not doing compulsions, I am just feeling very lonely and agitated, which is bad because I am trying to do things, all I can do is watch the phone over and over again. 

Thank you very much. 

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Guest OCDhavenobrain

Thank you again, I feel guilty because of it but I have had such anxiety the last days and yesterday and today is just painful. It is like I am constantly searching for someone to attach to but then when I actually sit down and speak with them I am just in my head feeling anxiety. 

I said sorry a few times and I do know that it is normal to feel guilty in this situation. I will just do my best to move along, I do agree with her that I have failed and that too is hard to bear. At least I am not doing compulsions, but I do have tics. It is a little better now but it can be that the text is bad written because it is hard to focus when you are having anxiety. 

Thanks again

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You seem like the type of person who is pretty hard on yourself and have strict standards, which is fair enough. I think you just need to step back for a minute and realise that life has given you something very challenging to deal with, mental illness is disability after all. You're doing the best you can with it, that is far from being a failure. Just go easy on yourself and remember that as long as you're alive you can change. So if there are things you want out of life, keep trying, it will happen!

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