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Obsession has been going on for 6-7 weeks


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I want to be done with my OCD. I will be 26 1/2 in September, I live at home with parents, don't have an income, college degree, not even a driver's license. All of this can be attributed to OCD and anxiety. I've realized living like this is not a choice anymore - if I want to have a real life, I have to have a plan of action (like, going to a therapist) and then execute that plan, remain dedicated to it, accept the possibility that it won't work, that the therapist is the wrong one, that I'm wasting time, and all that (because last time these kinds of obsessions hijacked the therapy).

I always push things off until tomorrow. I need to start TODAY. I need to take steps to change my life TODAY. I feel like I always get motivated, ready to go, but then I will just crack under the weight of anxiety when not giving into compulsions. In my mind though this really is a life and death struggle.

Anyway, as for my post title, I have this obsession from maybe a month and a half ago...warning, it's a bit gross and involves bodily fluids. Basically, I masturbated one night into underwear, and switched into shorts without underwear. Probably some semen leaked through to the front of these shorts. A few days later, I went out quick with the family and didn't have any clean shorts to switch into (the laundry piles up when I'm always wrapped up in OCD), so I put those on. While getting out of the car, the metal part of the seatbelt touched the front of these pants. I had meant to go out during the week and clean that part, but I never did, and eventually my mom sat in that seat (like 1 week later). She's sat in that seat multiple times now and I never cleaned it.

Basically, I feel the need to confess because I feel like I've essentially had sexual contact and it's like assault because she doesn't know about it and it's non-consensual. I don't really want to say anything because it's awkward and gross but I just can't let it go. She knows I have OCD and I've confessed things like this before, so she'd probably be unfazed, but I just don't want to say anything. However, if I don't, it's possible I could still be worried about this months down the line.

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22 hours ago, Ryukil said:

Basically, I feel the need to confess because I feel like I've essentially had sexual contact and it's like assault because she doesn't know about it and it's non-consensual

You feel this way because you have OCD- you need to attribute it to OCD and try to leave it be. Easier said than done? Absolutely, but you're doing all the wrong things by carrying our compulsions- especially rumination. You've struggled with this long enough.

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On 04/08/2019 at 14:40, Ryukil said:

....but I just don't want to say anything. However, if I don't, it's possible I could still be worried about this months down the line.

Go with what you want rather than what the disorder’s dictating, please try not to say anything.

I know how difficult it is, but I can almost guarantee if you do...although it may not necessarily be this particular worry bothering you in six months, sure as anything with OCD it will be another issue around the same theme. Try to look at it this way, instead of accepting a morsel or scrap of less anxiety from carrying out the compulsion today...hold out and in the long run you’ll actually gain a feast by being rid of the OCD itself.

That’s the ultimate goal for us all here...

As you’ve said you need to start making changes today to turn things around...not confessing really is the best place to begin.

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This is more or less a repeat of a post in June of this year. Is it the same case? The replies then were the same as you will get now. Has anything changed?

Edited by Angst
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3 hours ago, Hal said:

Go with what you want rather than what the disorder’s dictating, please try not to say anything.

I know how difficult it is, but I can almost guarantee if you do...although it may not necessarily be this particular worry bothering you in six months, sure as anything with OCD it will be another issue around the same theme. Try to look at it this way, instead of accepting a morsel or scrap of less anxiety from carrying out the compulsion today...hold out and in the long run you’ll actually gain a feast by being rid of the OCD itself.

That’s the ultimate goal for us all here...

As you’ve said you need to start making changes today to turn things around...not confessing really is the best place to begin.

Go with what you want not what the disorder is dictating!! Love that !! Great piece of advice I for one want to take on!! Sorry for hijacking the post ??

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You keep posting the same topics & you’re getting the exact same replies. Open your old topics & update those so people know what’s going on. That’s what the rules state. 

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On 04/08/2019 at 14:40, Ryukil said:

However, if I don't, it's possible I could still be worried about this months down the line.

If you do confess, you will still be worried about this months down the line. You've already confessed to something similar months ago, your mum didn't care, you got temporary relief and now need to confess again. It's really tough, I get you, but you have to break out of this cycle. I wonder if some kind of cognitive work, alongside resisting compulsions could be helpful? 

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