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katydaly

Counseling

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Hi I'm very upset today, my husband went to a councillor today, iv had OCD for a good few years and ended up n hospital twice with it, the first time I was goin in my sister said they would all chip in,his parents were to help out minding the 3 kids to let hubby go to work,as it was only thought to b for 5 maybe 6weeks, ended up bn 3months, before I went in a few of my brothers and sister called to the house and said wen leaving if ye need anything either of ye then jus ask. Most of my family only live bout 3miles away

Wen I was in hospital my family kept in touch with me one of them wud ring everyday as wud my elderly parents, none of them visited me in hospital r at the weekend wen I got home.

Although my family kept in touch with me none of they rang my hubby to see if he needed a hand r his parents needed a break, this has hit my husband hard and he is now depressed and he believes this is the cause, he went to a councillor today who told him to take a break away from me and to tell the kids that he needs a break from Mammy's illness,and all this could have bn avoided if my family had helped out more,she also told him that I should get my family together and tell them every single thing I done r didn't do because of OCD and tell them that they turned their backs on my husband and now he's I'll and they need to apologise as they should have helped out more, my husband has said such horrible things to me in the past which I wont go in to but it hasn't helped my recovery,he said he told councillor about and she said it was like a pressure cooker and that's why so basically she said it was ok, he told the councillor that doing that would drive my anxiety mad and she said well ur the one I'm seeing, 

Is it jus me r is it just me r is it strange for a councillor to be ok with verbal abuse if it's from their patient, I feel like she is trying to pin all the blame on me and getting the kids very emotionally involved by saying stuff like that to them is like trying to turn them against my family, I want my husband to get better but he has alot of baggage also from his childhood which I believe is why he lashes out so bad, maybe I'm wrong but I feel she doesn't care about the emotions of the kids,I don't believe there is a need to bad-mouth people to them, I agree my family shud have helped out more but I guess they thought ringing me was enuf and wen they didn't get asked for help they didn't bother calling to the house to offer it but my husband jus feels abandoned by them still as I did at the start but I had to move on from it, anyway sorry for long post 

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Hi @katydaly I'm sorry to hear about what you and your family are going through, that sounds like a very frustrating and unpleasant situation.  I must say based on your description of the situation, that I'm very surprised at the counselors behavior.  It sounds very hostile and aggressive to recommend the types of things they are.  While it is sometimes necessary and helpful to be honest with others about how we feel they have let us down, I don't think simply blaming them is going to lead to much benefit.  People who feel attacked tend to be defensive and less open to change and understanding, not more so.  It sounds like your family truly believed they were doing the right thing, they didn't want to impose and were waiting to be asked rather than force themselves on your husband.  Unfortunately he felt abandoned rather than respected.  All in all, its a problem of miscommunication, not of malice. Its terribly unfortunate that he is suffering depression, I'm sure thats not what anyone wants, but it doesn't sound like it was intentional.  I personally feel like lashing out as the counselor seems to be suggesting would be very counter productive.

I think it would be better to ask for a second opinion from a different counselor, and it might be helpful to talk to the counselor together so they can get the whole situation.  It might still be helpful for your husband to talk to/see a counselor alone so he feels more free to express his frustrations, we can hold back for fear of offending loved ones after all, but in my admittedly non-professional opinion, it sounds like there are better ways to approach this type of problem.

Again, sorry you are going through this, and best of luck moving forward, I hope you are able to clear things up.

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Iv found out since that my husband left out the bit about my family saying to me if either of us needed anything to ring as he believes it wasn't said to him and it should have been, therefore he believes it didn't mean if he needed anything, I really don't no wat to do and it's driving my OCD crazy cos we arguing so much about it, my husband didn't have it easy as I didn't want anyone to no about my illness and made him keep it a secret for a good few years, although he said it to one of my brothers in this time nothing came of it. If I get my family together and tell them all the things I did and didn't do because of my OCD I feel it will pull me in to a horrible state and I'll b to ashamed to go anywhere for fear of meeting anyone who knows,having OCD isn't common knowledge in my circle off friends and only a select few no and close family. Mainly because I don't want to feel watched or judged by people, I already feel this way sometimes which makes me more anxiois, on top of that he says he doesn't think it will help his depression but he thinks they should no and no how he now feels because he didn't get help from them. The week before we went to c my doctor and he was telling him about my OCD bn active and I said yes it it and us arguing and stuff bn said isn't helping it jus makes it worse, which my doctor agreed with. Hubby took this up as me blaming him for it all and said in using him as a scapegoat,I don't no wat to do as either way I think wer ****** and he's prob goin to tell others anyway which will not end well 

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