Confessing

[Workingitout]

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Edited August 16, 2019 by Workingitout

[Workingitout]

Sorry about first post. I'm new to the forum and my struggles are in the rocd themed ocd. Right now I'm struggling with anxiety about confessing. I try very hard to limit what I say because through the years I've hurt my wife a lot by disclosing things I felt I needed to say. But now my struggle is when I tell her just a little about what I might be going through, I feel so guilty and anxious because I didn't tell her every detail. I know this is ocd but it's hard. I want to be honest with my wife but not to hurt her anymore. I'm expecting to start professional therapy in September.  I've had some general therapy but mostly now it's self help with books so sometimes I feel alone in it

[Workingitout]

At times I realize I have nothing to confess but then I feel the pulling that I need to give all details. 

[Andrea]

Hi Workingitout,

Welcome to the OCD-UK forums ,

It is great that you are going to start professional therapy in September.

It is good that you know that you don't have to confess, you are going in the right direction.

Confessing is your compulsion. If you give in to compulsions like confessing, it will get worse.

 

[Handy]

Why do you feel a need to confess?

OCD doesn’t respond to talk therapy which is based on reassurance. It responds to ocd therapy. 

[Black]

7 hours ago, Workingitout said:

Sorry about first post. I'm new to the forum and my struggles are in the rocd themed ocd. Right now I'm struggling with anxiety about confessing. I try very hard to limit what I say because through the years I've hurt my wife a lot by disclosing things I felt I needed to say. But now my struggle is when I tell her just a little about what I might be going through, I feel so guilty and anxious because I didn't tell her every detail. I know this is ocd but it's hard. I want to be honest with my wife but not to hurt her anymore. I'm expecting to start professional therapy in September.  I've had some general therapy but mostly now it's self help with books so sometimes I feel alone in it

Totally hear you in this, the urge to confess every details, the relief it brings, then the increased anxiety later on. It’s so hard as ocd makes you feel guilty for not confessing every minute thing but it really is just reassurance seeking, you’re right to resist it if you can. But if you stuff up and end up confessing anyway, just be sure to acknowledge it for what it is, l’ve just done a compulsion, you got me this time ocd but next time I’ll be stronger. Take care x

[paradoxer]

9 hours ago, Workingitout said:

Sorry about first post. I'm new to the forum and my struggles are in the rocd themed ocd. Right now I'm struggling with anxiety about confessing. I try very hard to limit what I say because through the years I've hurt my wife a lot by disclosing things I felt I needed to say. But now my struggle is when I tell her just a little about what I might be going through, I feel so guilty and anxious because I didn't tell her every detail. I know this is ocd but it's hard. I want to be honest with my wife but not to hurt her anymore. I'm expecting to start professional therapy in September.  I've had some general therapy but mostly now it's self help with books so sometimes I feel alone in it

'I want to be honest with my wife'. It might help you to understand that confessing isn't 'honesty'. It's only a ritual to try to find temporary relief for yourself. Paradoxically, the more honest option isn't to confess at all. As a possible way forward, you might (if your poor beleaguered other-half agrees), set up a situation where she agrees to hear your confession, but not until two days, three days, a week, later. This gives you the insurance that you'll get your chance to perform a ritual, and at the same time, help you learn to sit with the anxiety, instead of jumping to OCD's tune. Ideally, of course, there shouldn't be any confessing at all. Want to do really right by your partner? Take the 'dishonest' option.  

Edited August 17, 2019 by paradoxer

[Workingitout]

Thank you for the responses

[paradoxer]

You're welcome. 

[Guest Paul92]

Hey, I know exactly how you feel. Know you aren't alone. When you are in the trenches with it, it will drive you crazy. Just try and sit with it and it does fade.

[Workingitout]

Thanks again