Be nice guys

[gingerbreadgirl]

I just wanted to post a quick post reminding everyone to be nice on here. I've seen a few harsh posts of late. It can be frustrating seeing someone go round in circles. But let's not forget how much pain ocd causes. I am guilty too of being impatient with people on here and I am trying to curb that. But please just guys let's all remember to be kind on here, we're all in the trenches together xx 

[PhilM]

Totally agree - I've been harsh from time to time myself for which I've apologised. Also I sense some "personality clashes" and individuals having little digs at each other in OTHER members' posts. It's not necessary: if you don't like another member or their views - don't respond. Simple.

[malina]

5 minutes ago, PhilM said:

Totally agree - I've been harsh from time to time myself for which I've apologised. Also I sense some "personality clashes" and individuals having little digs at each other in OTHER members' posts. It's not necessary: if you don't like another member or their views - don't respond. Simple.

Completely agree with this, it just distracts everyone from the original topic and giving advice to someone who actually needs help.

[Cub]

I agree. I don't think there's much help in blunt, unsympathetic posts to other people's problems. Practical advice is welcomed, always and I've been putting some of it into practice but we're all at different stages in our journeys. Nobody is alike - what we have in common are OCD thoughts and feelings and we can help each other out and empathise. 

C x

[leif]

6 hours ago, malina said:

it just distracts everyone from the original topic and giving advice to someone who actually needs help.

Yes i find that too--many posts getting off topic responding to a post we don't like. If one needs to correct the information, do that, but try to make sure it stays on the OP's topic/question!

And yes, lets be kind to each other!

[PolarBear]

I agree, with a caveat. I will not keep silent when a poster posts blatantly false or misleading information that could jeopardize the work we do here.

[paradoxer]

I think the vast majority of forumers are well-intended. There's a time to be uplifting, and a time to call out those who repeatedly use the forum (of all places)  to facilitate the disorder. The old 'cruel to be kind' adage comes to mind. 

[Angst]

I have received three posts to my posts which I perceive to be trolling. In two of these cases I have indicated that the poster was a troll. The evidence is in the threads. Trolling is more of a problem than being blunt. It is game playing which delights in causing emotional distress.

[PolarBear]

We certainly don't need that. We need to remember that, here, we often see some of the worst cases of OCD there is. 

Thanks, gb, for starting this thread.

[vivi_x]

I just wanted to say I and possibly others don’t use this forum as much as we could for fear of being judged because we are scared and can’t just push the feelings away. I get not wanting to encourage behaviours but surely there’s a more compassionate understanding way to do so? 

Just a thought 

[Gemma7]

I'm so sorry to hear you fear being judged vivi. No one thinks you can push feelings away, OCD is really hard to fight. I hope you can use the forum soon for support x

[PhilM]

14 hours ago, vivi_x said:

I just wanted to say I and possibly others don’t use this forum as much as we could for fear of being judged because we are scared and can’t just push the feelings away. I get not wanting to encourage behaviours but surely there’s a more compassionate understanding way to do so? 

Just a thought 

I think I've been as guilty as others for not being as sensitive as I could have been at times but I would never judge anyone or I would try very hard not to. No-one should be put off posting or feel their voice isn't being heard or of value - it is.

[Caramoole]

I don't think that forum members are judged as such but that doesn't mean that at times we will hear advice that suggests changes that we find scary to contemplate.  Almost all users are sufferers/ex-sufferers themselves and know and understand the fears, difficulties and levels of anxiety that are part and parcel of this disorder. That's what makes the advice and sharing of experience invaluable.  Clearly, that can be done "nicely".  However, there will be times when we do need to hear such advice and try and make steps towards gradual change, despite fear & reluctance to let go of the need for certainty.  It's a critical step that I believe we all have to make in order to move forward.

If anyone feels that a thread is receiving posts that aren't acceptable please PM the Moderating Team

[vivi_x]

1 hour ago, Caramoole said:

I don't think that forum members are judged as such but that doesn't mean that at times we will hear advice that suggests changes that we find scary to contemplate.  Almost all users are sufferers/ex-sufferers themselves and know and understand the fears, difficulties and levels of anxiety that are part and parcel of this disorder. That's what makes the advice and sharing of experience invaluable.  Clearly, that can be done "nicely".  However, there will be times when we do need to hear such advice and try and make steps towards gradual change, despite fear & reluctance to let go of the need for certainty.  It's a critical step that I believe we all have to make in order to move forward.

If anyone feels that a thread is receiving posts that aren't acceptable please PM the Moderating Team

All I’m saying is that the way some people respond makes some of us feel unwelcome 

[Caramoole]

Hi Vivi

I'm sorry you've found yourself feeling judged   The forum has a bunch of the most supportive people I've come across.  I suppose what I'm saying is that when someone offers advice it's almost always intended as being helpful, not as a judgement on the person.  There are many OCD forums that (in my opinion) do more harm than good.  They offer oodles of sympathy, masses of reassurance which may seem comforting in the short term but long-term don't help people get control of this disorder.  Here, we do our best not to aid compulsions and to a new member that can seem a bit harsh, particularly if they don't understand the role that compulsions play in maintaining OCD's grip.  

I hope you'll stick around and keep posting, once you get to know everyone I'm sure you'll get used to us.  I can't promise that there'll be no straight-talking though but it will always be with good Inent 

 

 

[Ashley]

18 hours ago, vivi_x said:

I get not wanting to encourage behaviours but surely there’s a more compassionate understanding way to do so? 

There is Vivi

I guess there is sometimes a balance between being supportive and challenging at the same time. Sometimes we are perhaps all guilty of not getting the balance right, I know I have made mistakes in the past but I hope we are all learning together.    But I do agree there's been a significant increase in, lets call it 'shortness', from a few users when people are struggling to move forward.  As I said in another thread a while ago, if a user can't saying anything positive or with kindness, don't post at all.

It's absolutely possible to be supportive, challenging and deliver that with compassion, thankfully most of our users have compassion in abundance   I have to say Caramoole is a master of that kind of post. 

If you do ever feel you've received posts that make you feel unwelcome Vivi please email me and I will take a look and help if I can.

[Handy]

Everyone is on their own stage of their journey. People have their own writing style & definitions of words. Words are symbols of symbols therefore two steps from reality. Realities rarely match up.

There are forum rules too look at them again if you forgot. I moderated forums for 20 years. It’s important to look at any rules.