Christian OCD (maybe?)

[Publius]

Hi,

I'm not looking a diagnosis, this isn't the place for that. I'm currently on a waiting list for CBT.  I am looking for advice and to know if anybody has gone through anything similar to what I'm describing. 

A quick background: I was raised Christian, my whole family is Christian and until about 14 I would've said I was too. I became doubtful of anything supernatural in my teens and that was the end of it. 

But now Christianity obsesses me. And I don't think it's healthy, I think it's similar to OCD symptoms I've had in the past. 

I spend literally hours reading about the New Testament, it's historicity etc. and not because I want to.  I read loads of theories on what Christians think Hell is like, which I worry about being condemned to because I find it nearly impossible to believe Jesus is my saviour etc. And when I'm not researching these things, I'm thinking about it. I become absent in conversations, the real world loses its 'reality'. 

This maybe all seems absurd to some people reading this, but I feel like my sense of reality and my ability to enjoy anything has gone out the window because of this obsession. 

Has anybody had similar experiences? 

Thank you in advance. 

[PhilM]

It's not absurd at all. Religious-themed OCD might not be as common as it once was as we are a more secular-orientated society but historically there were many, many people tormented by thoughts about religion.

People WITH strong faith will be tormented by thoughts that go against their values and beliefs as do other OCD sufferers with different manifestations. I've had heard about priests, nuns and people in general of all faiths distressed by their thoughts.

[PolarBear]

Not absurd at all. OCD obsessions can be about anything. Good luck with the CBT.

[Cub]

You're not the only one. Religious OCD is a really tricky one to deal with and can be super-scary; you have my sympathies. If it's any consolation, I've been tearing myself apart because I was enjoying the show Good Omens that was released this summer but wondered if it was okay to enjoy it, which took me right over into OCD territory. That wasn't fun. I often get religious obsessions - have I committed an unforgivable sin, is what I'm doing here okay, could I be a better Christian, am I a bad Christian if that person annoys me, etc. etc. etc. So yeah, I absolutely get it. My inbox is open if you want to talk more about it.  

C x

[Publius]

Thanks so much for the replies. I managed to distract myself today by going for a road trip with a friend, where doing in-depth research into the gospels would NOT be socially acceptable.

It has been a hellish few weeks, so I appreciate the support greatly. 

[Cub]

Well done! I'm proud of you. You clearly know what to do to make things right. Slowly and surely. Congratulations! 

[Angst]

On 25/08/2019 at 18:47, PhilM said:

It's not absurd at all. Religious-themed OCD might not be as common as it once was as we are a more secular-orientated society but historically there were many, many people tormented by thoughts about religion.

People WITH strong faith will be tormented by thoughts that go against their values and beliefs as do other OCD sufferers with different manifestations. I've had heard about priests, nuns and people in general of all faiths distressed by their thoughts.

The nature of obsessions as of delusions vary historically and geographically. That is why transcultural psychiatry has become so important in culturally diverse societies. The content of obsessions and delusions depend upon society.  For example, some people with OCD have an anxiety exaggerated fear of germs. This depended upon the theory of germs and its spread among the populace from the late 19 century. The Aztec religion believed in human sacrifice so priests of that religion if they had OCD would be tormented by the belief that human sacrifice was not necessary. There is no intrinsic morality in a diagnosis of OCD. We are a broad spectrum of humanity.

[Angst]

There is a solution to this it is Kantian ethics. I believe it is taught in medical schools. But I believe in science and the Kantian tradition.

[dksea]

@Publius - As others have mentioned, OCD anxieties can be about anything, and religious OCD may be one of the oldest recorded forms.  The term for OCD that is focused on whether one is correctly following a religion or religious tenets is called scrupulosity and many famous religious historical figures are believed to have suffered from it.  Fortunately we live in an age where help is available, and that help (in the form of CBT) will be applicable regardless of the topic of your particular anxieties.  Best of luck in your recovery!