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Back to square 1?


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Hi everyone,

Before i start my post i just want to say the last thing i want to do is to upset or trigger someone's anxiety so if you suffer quite severe OCD (especially checking) then maybe skip this one or read with caution.

So i have an issue with over checking certain things, i have done for a while but it has only really become a big issue since last year when i moved into my own house (live alone).

Basically it revolves around checking things are turned off/windows closed/doors locked etc before i can go to bed or leave the house.

Up until a few weeks ago i was working hard on exposure exercises and making a tiny bit of progress and was able to reduce my checking down to quite a noticeable difference and was feeling really good about it.

The neighbourhood i live in is a quiet suburban street on the outskirts of a city, there has never been any trouble here (that i am aware of!) in the year i have lived here, naively i began to believe that nothing bad would ever happen here as we are so far away from the bad areas of town (silly i know).

A few weeks ago i found out that there had been thieves going around at night checking cars (i assume to see if any were unlocked or there was an opportunity to smash and grab) but none of my neighbours (or myself) had been hit so they must have moved on empty handed. Even though i wasn't targeted (my car is kept in a garage overnight) my anxiety has shot up through the roof!

It's like i have not only went back to square one with my checking but i am worse than what i was before, it is taking me double the time and my biggest issue is making sure that the doors are locked.

I have taken so long to check that i was nearly late for work last week and it sometimes takes me half an hour/45 mins to check the house is safe and locked up before i feel comfortable going to bed for the night.

Has anyone been through something similar or have any advice? because the thought of me getting back to where i was before with my progress feels like a million miles away.

I know i need to keep going with my exposure exercises but this has really knocked my confidence and unsettled me that it feels harder than before.

 

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You have my sympathy, checking the doors drives me up the wall.

I know I’ve done it, I know that doing it again won’t make things feel right, but off I go again... rattle, rattle, rattle...

  But if you were getting it under control before, you can do it again.

It's not going to be easy but it should be worth it.

 

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Hi Ironing Maiden,

That's great that you were making progress--that's a good sign that you know how to tackle this. It's hard when an unexpected trigger comes up for us--it's happened to me many a time! It can be a report on the news, or something you see, or like this where you have a report about thieves checking cars in your neighbourhood. It can throw us off, but it needn't put you back to square 1. Many of us have little blips like this our road to recovery--try not to let it discourage you too much.

When you've been doing your exposures before this, have you been facing the possibility that maybe you didn't check things enough and something bad will happen as a result? That seems to be where one needs to get for exposures to be properly effective. It helps you to feel the anxiety and not do your compulsions as a result. You need to let the anxiety subside on its own and teach yourself that the compulsions aren't necessary. I am a checker as well and it used to take me a good hour at least to leave my very small apartment. While cutting back on checking compulsions I would walk away while acknowledging my fear that I didn't really turn the stove off and I could start a fire. It was only through allowing this fear to be that I could make progress.

I know it can get to me when i hear a real life report about the things that trigger me, but then i try to just acknowledge that fear and remember  that while i might be taking a risk, the risk is worth it to put an end to the OCD. 

So I would say to try and get back to the place where you remember the importance of not doing compulsions even though it can make us feel more anxious in the short term.

Best of luck!

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5 hours ago, Closed for repairs said:

You have my sympathy, checking the doors drives me up the wall.

I know I’ve done it, I know that doing it again won’t make things feel right, but off I go again... rattle, rattle, rattle...

  But if you were getting it under control before, you can do it again.

It's not going to be easy but it should be worth it.

 

Yeah it's the sheer frustration of it all that drives me nuts, i know it's silly and illogical yet my mind just wont accept it. Especially first thing in the morning, by the time i'm in the car driving to work i am usually pent up with anger and frustration at myself due to how long i have just had to spend doing something i know is ridiculous. 

 

5 hours ago, leif said:

Hi Ironing Maiden,

That's great that you were making progress--that's a good sign that you know how to tackle this. It's hard when an unexpected trigger comes up for us--it's happened to me many a time! It can be a report on the news, or something you see, or like this where you have a report about thieves checking cars in your neighbourhood. It can throw us off, but it needn't put you back to square 1. Many of us have little blips like this our road to recovery--try not to let it discourage you too much.

When you've been doing your exposures before this, have you been facing the possibility that maybe you didn't check things enough and something bad will happen as a result? That seems to be where one needs to get for exposures to be properly effective. It helps you to feel the anxiety and not do your compulsions as a result. You need to let the anxiety subside on its own and teach yourself that the compulsions aren't necessary. I am a checker as well and it used to take me a good hour at least to leave my very small apartment. While cutting back on checking compulsions I would walk away while acknowledging my fear that I didn't really turn the stove off and I could start a fire. It was only through allowing this fear to be that I could make progress.

I know it can get to me when i hear a real life report about the things that trigger me, but then i try to just acknowledge that fear and remember  that while i might be taking a risk, the risk is worth it to put an end to the OCD. 

So I would say to try and get back to the place where you remember the importance of not doing compulsions even though it can make us feel more anxious in the short term.

Best of luck!

I've tried to not let it bother me too much today, i went over to see my folks today so as i was getting ready to leave the house i tried to do my exposure techniques to try and get back into the swing of it.  

Thing is i feel like it's a little easier when i know i am only leaving the house for a short amount of time (compared to when i am away all day at work) i'm not sure why this time difference makes any difference to my checking need but it definitely does feel different. 

Today i made sure to not make too much of a fuss about checking the windows and i managed that relatively ok, checking the bathroom taps and shower is off wasn't too bad either (still over checked a bit), same with the kitchen taps/toaster off etc. My main thing still seems to be the doors (back door in kitchen and front door) because i am checking the back door in the kitchen i tend to take longer checking that as my neighbours can't see me do it but with my front door i actively try not to make too much of a fuss as i don't want my neighbours seeing me doing it and thinking 'wtf?'.

I know it will just take time again and i just need to keep pushing through but it's definitely not easy that's for sure! ? 

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Before you do ERP, you need to work on cutting down your compulsions. You need to know how many times you check something and/or how long you take. Then you reduce how many times you check and/or the time it rakes. You do that for a week, then reduce further. 

When you get closer to no checking, you can intrumiduce ERP.

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I used to. Now I just take a picture with my phone.  Now some may see that as another compulsion however it cut the time from 20 minutes to one minute. And so anything one can do to cut compulsion time so that anxiety lessens so much works for me. 

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22 hours ago, Handy said:

I used to. Now I just take a picture with my phone.  Now some may see that as another compulsion however it cut the time from 20 minutes to one minute. And so anything one can do to cut compulsion time so that anxiety lessens so much works for me. 

Replacing one compulsion with another’s really not the best way to help yourself move forwards in your recovery Handy, however tempting it is. Even if it starts out as a short term measure to cut down on the length of time it’s taking you to check things, you’re still responding in the wrong and ultimately damaging way to the false alarm that you need to check to reduce your anxiety.

It might be a bit harder in the short run, but  it’s far wiser in the long, to follow Polar’s advice and start making real sustained headway in the here and now, rather than really prolonging the problem replacing one compulsion with another.

Please don’t sell yourself short and what you’re capable of, could you work on stopping the photo taking? Maybe that’s something we could talk more about privately if you’d like to, but I think you may have disabled your PMs..could you repair them and contact me? I also need to have a quick chat about something else.

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The only time I advocate replacing compulsions is where a sufferer is in danger. For instance, if she washes her hands with bleach and they are red and bleeding. Getting her to switch to a mild detergent would be very good. Then we move on from there.

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18 hours ago, Ironing Maiden said:

I've tried to not let it bother me too much today, i went over to see my folks today so as i was getting ready to leave the house i tried to do my exposure techniques to try and get back into the swing of it.  

That's great! Very good to keep going even when we have some small blips that set us back a little! It teaches our OCD that it cannot bully us into quitting!!

18 hours ago, Ironing Maiden said:

Thing is i feel like it's a little easier when i know i am only leaving the house for a short amount of time (compared to when i am away all day at work) i'm not sure why this time difference makes any difference to my checking need but it definitely does feel different. 

Yes I have that too! 

18 hours ago, Ironing Maiden said:

Today i made sure to not make too much of a fuss about checking the windows and i managed that relatively ok, checking the bathroom taps and shower is off wasn't too bad either (still over checked a bit), same with the kitchen taps/toaster off etc

 I would try to have some set goals about the cutting back. Like if you do have a set number you check things, cutting that number back by something specific, rather than leaving it too vague. Leaving it too open often seems to lead to more checks when you are feeling anxious whereas if there is a set goal, you know that you do that no matter how you are feeling about it. It starts to train you to not respond to the anxiety with further compulsions. You would be cutting back on it slowly so the anxiety level doesn't get too high.

Or if one thing is easier than another, then cutting out the easier things before the harder things (like cutting out checking taps altogether but continuing with the other checks for now). I find that sometimes it's easier to cut out one or two of the things I'm checking altogether, rather than trying to cut back on the number of times I'm doing it, as once I start to check something i find it hard to not do it repeatedly.

Again aiming for the anxiety to be there, but at manageable amounts--like about 30/100

18 hours ago, Ironing Maiden said:

I know it will just take time again and i just need to keep pushing through but it's definitely not easy that's for sure!

Yes not easy I know, but so worth it! I am so glad now it takes me about 5 minutes to leave my house and its so freeing. Before if I forgot anything i would never go back for it because i knew i would have to be in for another painful hour of checking just because i went back to grab something!

Keep at it :) 

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  • 1 month later...

Hi folks! 

Just wanted to come back to this thread for a bit of an update.

So after my last post i found it did take me a few weeks to get my anxiety under control as i was constantly worrying about thieves going around which in turn pushed all my checking habits through the roof!

But over the last couple of weeks i have really pushed hard with my exposure exercises and feel i have made pretty good progress! :thumbup:

Before when i was getting ready to go to bed i would take somewhere around half an hour checking things (mainly in the kitchen) before i felt happy enough to go to bed. I would literally go around the entire kitchen checking EVERYTHING (fridge closed, microwave/toaster off, wall switches/oven off, taps off, lights off, door locked etc) it was physically and mentally draining! 

This routine would also happen if i was leaving the house to go out for the day. (Although my checks would then extend to upstairs stuff like shower off, windows closed etc)

Now i am at the stage where all i need to check is the door is locked and that is it! ?

I have found that out of everything, i find checking the doors are locked is still my main and toughest checking habit to break but i know i just need to keep chipping away at it, it feels bloody awful but i'll get there eventually! 

So just wanted to thank all you lovely lot for your support and advice and hopefully spread some positivity :57439eb60db27_thumbup:

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6 hours ago, Ironing Maiden said:

Hi folks! 

Just wanted to come back to this thread for a bit of an update.

So after my last post i found it did take me a few weeks to get my anxiety under control as i was constantly worrying about thieves going around which in turn pushed all my checking habits through the roof!

But over the last couple of weeks i have really pushed hard with my exposure exercises and feel i have made pretty good progress! :thumbup:

Before when i was getting ready to go to bed i would take somewhere around half an hour checking things (mainly in the kitchen) before i felt happy enough to go to bed. I would literally go around the entire kitchen checking EVERYTHING (fridge closed, microwave/toaster off, wall switches/oven off, taps off, lights off, door locked etc) it was physically and mentally draining! 

This routine would also happen if i was leaving the house to go out for the day. (Although my checks would then extend to upstairs stuff like shower off, windows closed etc)

Now i am at the stage where all i need to check is the door is locked and that is it! ?

I have found that out of everything, i find checking the doors are locked is still my main and toughest checking habit to break but i know i just need to keep chipping away at it, it feels bloody awful but i'll get there eventually! 

So just wanted to thank all you lovely lot for your support and advice and hopefully spread some positivity :57439eb60db27_thumbup:

This is amazing!! Well done!! :) :) 

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