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Philosophical/Existential OCD.


Guest Paul92

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Hi everyone,

Just struggling a bit today so I felt like I needed to post just get a few opinions. I will try and keep this as brief as possible. However, as I sit here now, I am in a bit of a panic and starting to feel like I am sliding back to how I felt back in March/April this year.

Some of you might remember that I had a few existential worries back then.

What makes us, 'us'? Are my loved ones real and do they have free will? Are we all just chemical reactions? Are we just products of random brain activity that is ultimately hard wired to survive and multiple above everything else? Can you think a thought, before you have thought it? Where does it all come from?

These questions always seem to come about when I grow close to someone in my life. And I feel over the last few months I have really grown close to someone. I went through a rough time earlier this year, so did she, and here we are. We have come together out of all that darkness and I really treasure her. However, my mind just can't help but debate, is she real? Is 'she' pulling her own strings, or is she just a robot. We all have a sense of self, but is it just an illusion?

I've started obsessing quite a  bit today. It happens when I am alone. Googling. Debating free will with people. Looking at the matter of consciousness. Started posting on spirituality forums again. Watching documentaries on near death experiences and out of body experiences. Just trying to find an answer. I know this probably isn't going to come.

Earlier this year, I tried to take my own life. That is how back it got and I can't bear to go back there. But to think that people might not be real, just chemicals interacting, hardwired over millenia, just takes the romance and magic out of life. For sure, we don't know for certain what a 'thought' is, do we? Is the mind the soul? I actually turned to Christianity for a while, wanting to believe we are souls in bodies, but I don't know.

I just need an opinion as to whether anyone else has ever had these kind of worries and what they did to get past them? Is it OCD or something else? Is it just a case of not engaging and keeping occupied?

Thanks.

 

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1 hour ago, Paul92 said:

Just realised there is a large thread already active on a similar subject. Sorry. I just came onto the forum in a bit of a panic without really looking.

Hi yes I remember reading your posts and I have also had these type of worries but sadly not got over them yet 

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Paul, I'm sorry to hear that you're in the trenches. I would say, categorically treat this like any other form of OCD. As painful as it might be, it's no different. Other people may have those doubts, but the difference is, without OCD latching on to them, it doesn't tear them apart. Who knows? I might be writing this to myself. But I don't care ... not because I'm any braver than you, but it's not a thing. Try to accept the doubt, and get on with your life. 

I'll add this - yes, there are indeed existential forums, discussions on solipsim etc, but because it's part of your OCD, like a hand washer, who should refrain from using hand wipes, you can't afford the luxury. 

Wishing you the best. 

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I'm trying my best. I've stopped going on the spirituality forums. I find myself ruminating a lot. However this is a tonne of evidence to suggest that there is no Self. As in, there is no 'you' pulling the strings in your head. You're just an ongoing chemical reaction. It just terrifies me and takes all the romance and magic out of life. I don't know.

I know though, you are right, there are probably thousands upon thousands of individuals who debate these things but file it away and get on with their lives in the meantime. It is constantly on my mind and I find it incredibly depressing and upsetting.

Doing my best to stay busy.

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Well done with keeping busy, and with giving the spirituality forums a miss. If, as you concede, there are many out there who share your suspicions, but don't care, why shouldn't you do it too? It's not the theme that matters, it's the disorder. 

Cheers. 

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7 hours ago, paradoxer said:

Well done with keeping busy, and with giving the spirituality forums a miss. If, as you concede, there are many out there who share your suspicions, but don't care, why shouldn't you do it too? It's not the theme that matters, it's the disorder. 

Cheers. 

Yes, that makes sense and I agree. I just seem to be questioning everything. Why do I like coffee? It's not 'me' liking coffee, rather a neuron in the big bag of grey flesh in this thing we called a head haha. Googling, thinking over and over, trying to reason, chatting to spiritualists, watching Youtube videos on neuroscience all day - it's all clearly obsessional behaviour. I mean, I guess the guys who work in neuroscience don't panic about it. Only, as you probably know, when you are in the middle of it, you really can't see a way out of it.

I'd love to hear from anyone who managed to get past a similar theme.

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4 hours ago, Paul92 said:

I'd love to hear from anyone who managed to get past a similar theme.

Paul, there already (unwittingly) is a bit of self-sabotage. An inordinate importance on hearing from others with a similar theme, only feeds into the narrative of the theme being important. It's not. (The same principles apply whatever the focus of one's obsession might be.) 

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2 hours ago, Paul92 said:

I see what you mean. Thanks.

Struggling a bit today. Where do thoughts come from? Are we just robots? Really struggling. I feel shocking.

 

And you know what sucks...even if you got all the answers on a plate, the OCD would say "But are you sure?"

my sympathies, and I hope you get it under control.

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10 hours ago, Paul92 said:

I see what you mean. Thanks.

Struggling a bit today. Where do thoughts come from? Are we just robots? Really struggling. I feel shocking.

 

Want to be bothered less with the 'dilemma'? Stop engaging with the question. 

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21 hours ago, Closed for repairs said:

And you know what sucks...even if you got all the answers on a plate, the OCD would say "But are you sure?"

my sympathies, and I hope you get it under control.

Trying my best buddy, thanks :) But yeh, you're right - it's insatiable.

13 hours ago, paradoxer said:

Want to be bothered less with the 'dilemma'? Stop engaging with the question. 

Yes - doing my best not. Thankfully I have a busy weekend with plenty of distractions.

This forum means the world to me, I really can't thank you enough for your support.

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On 07/09/2019 at 04:43, Paul92 said:

Trying my best buddy, thanks :) But yeh, you're right - it's insatiable.

Yes - doing my best not. Thankfully I have a busy weekend with plenty of distractions.

This forum means the world to me, I really can't thank you enough for your support.

You're welcome. 

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