Ashley Posted September 16, 2019 Share Posted September 16, 2019 So here's the thing... a few months ago I did a good thing, a nice deed, which OCD wise backfired on me and as subsequently left me feeling that part of my office floor is contaminated. It isn't, I know that, but the OCD part of my brain is convincing me it is. I now need to move things around and put a new desk and chair for a new employee in there and I am struggling with that 'thought'. Back story Years ago, maybe 5 now when I lived in Sussex I met someone I had been seeing on and off one evening and things got a little naughty back at hers, a bit of fun. But because that's all it ever was with her, in my mind I think I have turned this into something dirty and seedy. Anyway, as I was driving home I placed my keys I think on the passenger side footwell because my OCD was making me feel my hands were dirty and I had touched the keys so that was the 'safe' space for them... you know how OCD works.. not logical. Next day keys cleaned, steering wheel cleaned, job done. Fast forward 5 years and somehow, I think because I have now dealt with all my other OCD problems, this one as mushroomed and this is the only real containment fear I have. So that passenger floor well is contaminated in my mind. Now Back to the present day. A few months ago a lovely older lady from my Derby support group wanted to come and see our new Belper office. She doesn't drive, so I offered to meet her at Belper bus station and bring her to the office. When she got in my car.. argh she placed her handbag on the floor well (sods law, although perfectly normal thing to do). She then came into the office and placed the bag on the floor next to the comfy chairs (which I am now having to remove for the new employee). So that bit of floor as been cross contaminated (from 5 years ago) for about the last 3 months, despite the fact it's been mopped a couple of times since then. The really stupid thing is, about two years ago my then girlfriend back here in Derbyshire placed some fish and chips on the floor well, but that didn't really bother me (a little anxiety) but I was absolutely fine bringing them into my house and placing on kitchen top and sofa. What next I know I need to place the palm of my hand on that bit of floor and not wash my hands. But there's one big problem and one big question..... I don't feel I can do it without then cross contaminating other things... and secondly the question... 'how'????? Answers on a postcard, a big sloppy kiss or bar of chocolate for the wining answer. Link to comment
Caramoole Posted September 16, 2019 Share Posted September 16, 2019 Well you know what you need to do and you know how it's going to make you feel. It's no different to the rest of your OCD type of worries.....so what was advised as an approach when you tackled other contamination issues? Link to comment
daja Posted September 16, 2019 Share Posted September 16, 2019 I can really relate Ashley. Link to comment
gingerbreadgirl Posted September 17, 2019 Share Posted September 17, 2019 Hi Ashley sorry you're experiencing this. I think you know the answer to your own question though. You need to put your hand on that bit of floor. Also in the foot well. And you need to spread that hand anywhere and everywhere. Eespecially things that can't be washed or cleaned in any way. Link to comment
lostinme Posted September 17, 2019 Share Posted September 17, 2019 Even though this is a contamination issue it's a little different from your normal contamination issues because it's more a mental contamination. With contamination issues we can wipe away germs from a feared object which reduces anxiety and leaves us feeling safe to continue, this is where our compulsions come into play. It's a little different with a mental contamination because you can't do this because all the washing in the world won't change anything, you have to change your thinking process towards the mental contamination and that's a little different to do. I'm not sure if this is making any sense because it's difficult to explain or if you will even agree, but I've been through a similar situation myself and even though we still have compulsions we have to do regarding it eg avoidance we have to deal with the core issue a little differently. Yours being the feeling of feeling dirty and seedy inside in some way. We usually work CBT from the outside in but in these cases it needs to be done from the inside out if that makes sense. I won't continue to elaborate more Ashley unless you wish me to continue and understand what I am trying to say and then I can possibly help you change the way you are thinking? Link to comment
Gemma7 Posted September 17, 2019 Share Posted September 17, 2019 (edited) Well the reason you fear you'll cross contaminate other things at the moment is because you are currently maintaining the belief that there is something to avoid with your current avoidance. So naturally you will be worried. You can't currently feel how that belief will change, but it will. It seems like dirty and seedy were feelings brought on by a judgement of yourself at the time. You had the feelings then and reacted with the keys, thus building this feeling and need to avoid. But you know the process, so now you've just got to show yourself that you don't care about the floor. Usually when I do an exposure like this i decide what I'd least like to touch with my 'contaminated' hands and then make it the first thing i touch after the exposure. It would be best to be something that you can't/or really wouldn't clean at all. Then after that, spread them about all over as much stuff as possible, then and this is the important bit, do something fun as a distraction. (plan what it is beforehand) Edited September 17, 2019 by Gemma7 Link to comment
paradoxer Posted September 17, 2019 Share Posted September 17, 2019 Ashley, sorry to hear you're going through it (who supports the guards here ). How typical your story sounds, the prosaic old one thing 'contaminating' another nonsense (and I know you know it). There's not much I can add that hasn't been said, though here are a couple of thoughts, firstly, I'd dismiss (as in a way you have) your reference to your passenger and 'sod's law' ... there's nothing sod's law about it, it's just someone acting normally. Dismiss that bit of OCD narrative. And with this disorder, you're damned if you do ... and far more damned if you dance to its tune. Unlike some, I'd say, a contrived exposure perhaps isn't necessarily the way to go. But at minimum, just go about doing things as if you didn't have the disorder. That old adage 'Live as if you didn't have OCD' isn't a bad one. Link to comment
Ashley Posted September 17, 2019 Author Share Posted September 17, 2019 Thank you everyone for your comments, and you're all right. I just need to think and ponder on all your comments for a few days, but thank you all for taking the time to reply. Link to comment
Caramoole Posted September 17, 2019 Share Posted September 17, 2019 20 hours ago, Ashley said: things got a little naughty back at hers, a bit of fun. But because that's all it ever was with her, in my mind I think I have turned this into something dirty and seedy. Have you ever explored with a therapist why you so often feel this way? Might be worth understanding why you have these core values Link to comment
Closed for repairs Posted September 18, 2019 Share Posted September 18, 2019 Sounds like your OCD is trying a new theme on for size. Moving away from the physical contamination to the mental, Lostinme has put it better. Be a bit careful thinking about all this as you seem to be drifting into examining past events, (you didn't worry about the chips, but now you can remember, when someone put them on a particular bit of floor...) You have seen lots of this on here, " I have intrusive thoughts about things that happened years ago, does that make me a bad person" Afraid I've not got any advice that you haven't already heard. But don't sit ruminating about this. Link to comment
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