Past sexual fantasies and confessing.

[Guest Paul92]

So everything seemed to be going great with the girl I'm seeing. Then last night I remember I used to have some really weird and messed up sexual fantasies. And I could determine whether I had thought about her back then doing this. I can't really remember but something tells me I must have at some point. I never thought we'd get together so I probably thought I might as well imagine this messed up fantasy, as I always found her attractive. But I don't know. 

And now I feel like she needs to know. To make a decision on who I really am. It's a really messed up fantasy but it's not something I think about anymore. But I did for a while. Like it's really quite disturbing I guess. 

It's going to play on my mind all day. 

Is it just payback for being messed up? I'd never want her to carry it out or anything, ever. And a part of me thinks I didn't think of her. But I can't remember.

[lostinme]

It's really not important Paul whether you fantasized about her or not. Leave it be and just enjoy what you've got now. It was a fantasy and nothing more, leave it in the past and enjoy moving forward 

[Guest Paul92]

Thanks for your reply. 

But the fantasy was really messed up. And I feel as though if she knew I was into that stuff then she wouldn't want anything to do with me. Though I'm really past all that now. And I can't work out if I even did think of her like that. 

Am I a bad person if I just let it go? 

[Guest lauren415]

You’re not a bad person. Everyone has messed up thoughts. But that’s all it is, just a thought! I would just let it go if I were you 

[Guest Paul92]

Hmmm. I don't know. I just feel like I might have thought about it with her. And if I did, she'd just be disgusted about it. 

[Closed for repairs]

Ok then,

You tell her, shes disgusted, you feel better for doing the right thing, for a bit then you feel bad too.

You tell her, she doesn't care,

You feel better, till the OCD makes you keep checking, if she really cares, and drives her away, or you keep having fantasies to check and get back to where we are now.

Confessing is a compulsion.

[Guest lauren415]

5 hours ago, Closed for repairs said:

Ok then,

You tell her, shes disgusted, you feel better for doing the right thing, for a bit then you feel bad too.

You tell her, she doesn't care,

You feel better, till the OCD makes you keep checking, if she really cares, and drives her away, or you keep having fantasies to check and get back to where we are now.

Confessing is a compulsion.

Exactly. I used to confess a lot of things to my husband back when my ocd was really bad and it only made me feel better for a little bit. Then the ocd would come up with something else regarding the situation. Drove him crazy and also myself.

[Guest Paul92]

I see what you're saying. I just can't see this shifting or me feeling more at ease with it.  Maybe I will. I don't know. I don't know whether I even had this sick fantasy about her. I can't remember. 

I was speaking to her today and trying to explain my ocd and she said she understands confessing things isn't helpful. She's done a bit of research on it. But I just think yes, but, you don't know what I would have to confess, potentially. 

[Guest lauren415]

1 hour ago, Paul92 said:

I see what you're saying. I just can't see this shifting or me feeling more at ease with it.  Maybe I will. I don't know. I don't know whether I even had this sick fantasy about her. I can't remember. 

I was speaking to her today and trying to explain my ocd and she said she understands confessing things isn't helpful. She's done a bit of research on it. But I just think yes, but, you don't know what I would have to confess, potentially. 

I’ve been there. Feeling like I need to confess and if I don’t then it means I’m living a lie/a horrible person. Fact is, your partner doesn’t need to know every single thought you have. They’re just thoughts!

[paradoxer]

21 hours ago, Paul92 said:

 

Am I a bad person if I just let it go? 

You're a worse person if you don't. No judgement here, just trying to make a point. There's nothing honest or good about OCD confessing. It's solely a compulsion to make you feel better. Want to do the 'right' thing by your gal - and yourself? Don't confess. It's a selfish relief-seeking compulsion. And the kicker? It'll just get you deeper into the OCD mire, the one that is never sated.