Jump to content

Struggling and feeling frustrated


Recommended Posts

Hi guys

I'm really struggling at the moment, I'm afraid. 

I'm so sorry to sound like a broken record, but I cannot, for love or money, stop ruminating; I keep going over compulsive thoughts in my head, over and over again and can't relax. It's become a problem at work; I can't chill on my breaks, I can't focus on anything and I'm very hyperaware of how I'm feeling. It's got so bad I feel ashamed; it's like I don't know how to be happy anymore and I'm having suicidal thoughts again because I feel like such a burden to my Dad and brothers like this. I can't see myself living a happy life; a subpar one at best, I feel and I'm always going to be a nuisance. Depression runs in the family, particularly on my dad's side and I often fear winding up like my grandmother. 

I was trying to deal with this yesterday while I was on-duty as my head was just going over and over the same stuff - does this work, should I do it like this, ruminating over and over and feeling frustrated, trying to keep my head away from the things that were bothering me and feeling far too lost and layered in my head; I don't really know how to explain my thoughts properly. On top of that, I caught a child going under a barrier and sharply rebuked him and the mother told me she felt my reaction was a bit over the top - he took me completely by surprise, but what if I was using that as an outlet? - so now I fear a backlash, although I did have a chat with my team-leader and manager about it and got it all out in the open.

I'm just feeling so scared right now; I know I can't stop thinking and that would be unrealistic, but I just wish I didn't feel like this. I feel so uncertain and don't really know how to be kind to myself. On top of that I keep thinking about the falling-out I had with friends that was never resolved and still upsets me. Sometimes I wonder if I'm seeking out reasons to worry. I just don't want to rely on anyone else to get me better; I don't want to lean on other people, or on work as a distraction and want to know I can handle this on my own. I don't want to burden other people with what's going on in my head and when I'm trying to explain it, I feel so ridiculous. What I'm worrying about is the kind of thing that other people don't worry about and I feel indecisive and as though I don't really know myself, or where I belong.

Le sigh... Time to get ready for work, I suppose. Thanks for reading. 

C x

Link to comment
Guest lauren415
1 hour ago, Cub said:

Hi guys

I'm really struggling at the moment, I'm afraid. 

I'm so sorry to sound like a broken record, but I cannot, for love or money, stop ruminating; I keep going over compulsive thoughts in my head, over and over again and can't relax. It's become a problem at work; I can't chill on my breaks, I can't focus on anything and I'm very hyperaware of how I'm feeling. It's got so bad I feel ashamed; it's like I don't know how to be happy anymore and I'm having suicidal thoughts again because I feel like such a burden to my Dad and brothers like this. I can't see myself living a happy life; a subpar one at best, I feel and I'm always going to be a nuisance. Depression runs in the family, particularly on my dad's side and I often fear winding up like my grandmother. 

I was trying to deal with this yesterday while I was on-duty as my head was just going over and over the same stuff - does this work, should I do it like this, ruminating over and over and feeling frustrated, trying to keep my head away from the things that were bothering me and feeling far too lost and layered in my head; I don't really know how to explain my thoughts properly. On top of that, I caught a child going under a barrier and sharply rebuked him and the mother told me she felt my reaction was a bit over the top - he took me completely by surprise, but what if I was using that as an outlet? - so now I fear a backlash, although I did have a chat with my team-leader and manager about it and got it all out in the open.

I'm just feeling so scared right now; I know I can't stop thinking and that would be unrealistic, but I just wish I didn't feel like this. I feel so uncertain and don't really know how to be kind to myself. On top of that I keep thinking about the falling-out I had with friends that was never resolved and still upsets me. Sometimes I wonder if I'm seeking out reasons to worry. I just don't want to rely on anyone else to get me better; I don't want to lean on other people, or on work as a distraction and want to know I can handle this on my own. I don't want to burden other people with what's going on in my head and when I'm trying to explain it, I feel so ridiculous. What I'm worrying about is the kind of thing that other people don't worry about and I feel indecisive and as though I don't really know myself, or where I belong.

Le sigh... Time to get ready for work, I suppose. Thanks for reading. 

C x

I completely identify with all of this. Especially explaining my thoughts to people and sounding ridiculous. I am lost in my own head and it’s so frustrating because I want to have a clear head. I am also scared that after 7 years on my SSRI, it has stopped working. Sorry I don’t really have advice to give but it’s at least nice to know you’re not alone in this. Hope you feel better soon. 

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...