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Is this OCD?


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I've been concerned about my Mum for a long time and I'm not sure whether my worries are vicarious health-related OCD OR whether they are just real concerns.

She is chronically exhausted and frequently feels faint and unwell. She had swollen lymph nodes in her neck and chin area and a chronic cough, which seems to be getting worse  (non-smoker) My worry is that she might have Leukaemia or Lymphoma. I have repeatedly asked her to go to the GP for over a year but she keeps putting it off because she has had to visit the GP about migraines and about a small unruptured aneurysm that she has and she is overly concerned that she might look like a fussy patient. I am really worried that she is seriously ill. She has finally this week said that she might see if she can get an emergency appointment on Friday (until now she has said that she'll try to book in for a routine appointment in a month's time). I'm scared about what any tests might reveal. She has been unwell on and off for 4+ years so it might just be something like Chronic fatigue but I am worried that it might have been chronic leukaemia all of this time. 

I am avoiding Google because I know that I can scare myself ******** if I use google but I feel really unwell with the amount of anxiety this is causing. I would really appreciate any advice! 

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Hi BelAnna,

I completely relate here because I have similar worries, my mum has had skin cancer several times and every time I see a mole on her skin I panic a little. To be honest, this seems like a mix of genuine concern and OCD. I think you're right to be worried about your mum, it sounds like she really should go see her GP. However, I think there are aspects of OCD thinking in what you are doing, like catastrophising (e.g. thinking it is cancer instead of something more benign like chronic fatigue), which is ultimately causing you more anxiety than it should. I think you should encourage your mum to see a doctor but also try not to think of the worst case scenarios and be positive to reduce your own stress. I hope she manages to get an appointment and that it all goes well!

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Hi BelAnna, I completely agree with Malina. Well done for not googling and continue with that as it will do no good. Take care of your mental health as well as your mum. I hope all goes well with her appointment. X

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Hi @BelAnna, so sorry to hear that your mom is having health issues, that is never good even without OCD.  I hope the appointment goes well and she is able to get some answers and some treatment to help get things on the mend.

I think its reasonable to be concerned about a loved ones health, but as the others have said there is definitely OCD at play in your responses (catastrophizing for example).  Its good that you are avoiding Googling, its so easy to find the worst case scenarios that way when more often than not the answers are less extreme.  Unfortunately illness is a normal part of life, especially as we age.  But chronic problems don't always signal dire outcomes.  Also, sometimes frustratingly, you can only do so much for other people, they have to make up their own minds to decide to get help if they want it at some point.  You can do what you can and express your concerns, but not just for your OCD but your general well being, I'd say its good to also work on accepting that other peoples actions aren't always (maybe often, heh) aren't going to go the way you want them to.  It can be frustrating, and a little bit of frustration is fine, but try not to let it get to you too much and just accept that this is how they are choosing to live.  

Again, best wishes for improved health for your mom and you!

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22 hours ago, dksea said:

Hi @BelAnna, so sorry to hear that your mom is having health issues, that is never good even without OCD.  I hope the appointment goes well and she is able to get some answers and some treatment to help get things on the mend.

I think its reasonable to be concerned about a loved ones health, but as the others have said there is definitely OCD at play in your responses (catastrophizing for example).  Its good that you are avoiding Googling, its so easy to find the worst case scenarios that way when more often than not the answers are less extreme.  Unfortunately illness is a normal part of life, especially as we age.  But chronic problems don't always signal dire outcomes.  Also, sometimes frustratingly, you can only do so much for other people, they have to make up their own minds to decide to get help if they want it at some point.  You can do what you can and express your concerns, but not just for your OCD but your general well being, I'd say its good to also work on accepting that other peoples actions aren't always (maybe often, heh) aren't going to go the way you want them to.  It can be frustrating, and a little bit of frustration is fine, but try not to let it get to you too much and just accept that this is how they are choosing to live.  

Again, best wishes for improved health for your mom and you!

Thanks Dksea.

I'm struggling a bit because my Mum has now said that she can't possibly take an emergency GP appointment so will have to wait up to a month for an appointment with a named doctor. She's acknowledged that her cough seems to be worsening and is not associated with a virus but she thinks that it might be due to acid reflux, which seems unlikely. I am terrified because if it is cancer and it's reached her lungs then I think that the prognosis would be very poor. 

I stupidly just googled 'Leukaemia' and scared myself silly.

Thanks for the sound advice and good wishes. I will update if she ever does actually go to the GP or end up in hospital. I hope it's the former. 

 


 

 

 

Edited by BelAnna
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On 27 September 2019 at 00:59, BelAnna said:

Thank you Emsie and thanks for your helpful advice. I'm stuck in a bit of a worry-loop tonight! 

 

Sorry for not replying sooner, BelAnna. I hope you're feeling better about all of this and you're not felling so stuck in the worry. X 

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