Done

[paradoxer]

Not fighting OCD is fighting it. If you feel OK with your fears, then they're not fears. Running for the exit door is the problem. 

[don't know]

I'm sorry, I don't understand.

[STEJ]

I really hope you aren't still feeling like there's no reason to go on living. I don't know much about you, but the fact that you have flowers as your avatar pic shows me you're probably a beautiful person inside, as does your fears of being a sexual deviant. Just think of all the people in the world who openly and joyfully revel in indecency and immorality, who have vile avatars by their names in online communities, who swear, make jokes about rape, and wish death on people!!!!!! You're so much more morally-sound than people like that, and the fact that you're being driven to the point of despondency by fears of what you don't want to be proves that!!!!! I feel like it would be an absolute tragedy if you really did decide not to go on living anymore, not only because of your friends and family who would be devastated, but also because the world would be losing a beautiful, compassionate, caring person.

Haven't you thought that by accepting the irrational fears your mind is bombarding you with, that actually means you're becoming desensitised to the fears, and therefore could be getting closer to being cured???? After all, techniques such as CBT and ERP work by exposing sufferers to things they fear in order to desensitise them to those things!!! Maybe you're just accepting the fearful thoughts because you're bored of the idle threats and speculation they're making, and that you aren't putting the same stock into them that you once did?????? It makes sense that the OCD monster, sensing its inevitable expulsion from your mind, will FIGHT THAT MUCH HARDER TO STAY, accusing you of being immoral for accepting the thoughts!!!! What you need to do is keep up that indifferent attitude towards the pressure from it, because we all know you're a good person really!!!!! There's been times when I've TOTALLY GIVEN UP that I'll ever find a technique to cure my OCD, and have decided to just settle for a life of sub-mediocrity as a hermit, watching youtube videos all day long with no girlfriend, no job, no social life, and no hope for the future, but it's those times of hopelessness sometimes when I find myself having ideas I've never really considered before!!!!

[don't know]

Nope, it's all true. When you accept it - it just goes away, all this time wasted when I should've just dealt with it. I'm dealing with the truth now. I was living a fantasy when I thought I could get help for it - and return to the person I thought I was. I'm not that, I never was, I can see that - I've always seen that. You can think all you want about how this isn't you - but it is. I know it. It's like my brain hasn't been fighting me and that's fine because I just said 'fine.' Sure, the life I had dreamed of has gone but nobodies life goes the way they wanted anyway. I'm sure these people didn't want to be like that. I'm one of those people that didn't realise and used all of this to hide behind a serious mental disorder which is really sick, when all the evidence was there right in front of me. I just keep saying it to myself and there's no fighting or anything. Just complete calmness. This ended up being a self discovery I never wanted but I have to live with. 

Edited October 11, 2019 by don't know

[STEJ]

I encountered someone suffering a similar plight to you on another OCD forum, except his OCD theme was fear of being gay. He said he'd managed to calm down by accepting that he was gay, and calmly acknowledging the relentless homosexual thoughts and images that were flooding his mind!!!!! He didn't accept my advice, but I will say to you what I said to him. Just because you're starting to calmly acknowledge the upsetting thoughts that your brain is bombarding you with, THAT DOESN'T MEANT YOU NEED TO FOLLOW THROUGH WITH WHAT THEY'RE SUGGESTING AND BECOME WHAT YOU FEAR!!!!!!! All you need to do is sarcastically and effortlessly reply to the upsetting thoughts with something along the lines of, "Yeah, sure" all whilst maybe focusing, or thinking about an attractive man you want to be with, and win as a lover?????? Doing the opposite things to what your intrusive thoughts are suggesting whilst scarcely acknowledging the intrusive thoughts could REALLY HELP YOU!!!!

[felix4]

24 minutes ago, don't know said:

Nope, it's all true. When you accept it - it just goes away, all this time wasted when I should've just dealt with it. I'm dealing with the truth now. I was living a fantasy when I thought I could get help for it - and return to the person I thought I was. I'm not that, I never was, I can see that - I've always seen that. You can think all you want about how this isn't you - but it is. I know it.

DK, 

Your brain is misfiring like any other sufferer, perhaps slightly more so, and to get better you NEED specialist help!

I just don't understand why you are unwilling to discuss this with doctors who will have heard this type of thing before many times?

[dksea]

If this is your “true nature” then you would be happy that you know it. Are you happy? If you are happy then there is no problem. If you aren’t happy then it’s not your “true nature”. It’s that simple. 

[malina]

DK, I wonder if you came across a young person suffering from the same problems as you, what kind of advice you'd give them? Would you tell them that it's all pointless and that they ought to give up or would you tell them to have hope and try to get better? If your response would be the second one (to try and get better), why would the same not apply to you?

[don't know]

Well the thing is when I thought I was happy it turned out I wasn't. It looks like the thing that made me want to kill myself is now my truth, well it was always my truth and I don't worry about it now. So to me it now seems like I was just denying my true nature. I no longer feel anxious or anything. It was really me all along. I hate writing that because it'll scare others. But all of my worries turned out to be true - I am really this person, I have no control and that I have no free will, and I really don't care about the people I thought I did. That's life to me - one big lie. I'm accepting it now though. I don't even feel sad. I'm sorry that I wasted all of your time. 

I wouldn't be able to give anyone advice because the worst case scenario happened to me. That sucks but it's the truth. 

[paradoxer]

On 11/10/2019 at 21:52, don't know said:

I'm sorry, I don't understand.

To put it succinctly - not fighting the thoughts or hand wringing over them - is the way to combat OCD. When you do otherwise you empower and enable the disorder. 

[paradoxer]

On 11/10/2019 at 23:04, STEJ said:

I really hope you aren't still feeling like there's no reason to go on living. I don't know much about you, but the fact that you have flowers as your avatar pic shows me you're probably a beautiful person inside, as does your fears of being a sexual deviant. Just think of all the people in the world who openly and joyfully revel in indecency and immorality, who have vile avatars by their names in online communities, who swear, make jokes about rape, and wish death on people!!!!!! You're so much more morally-sound than people like that, and the fact that you're being driven to the point of despondency by fears of what you don't want to be proves that!!!!!

Well intended - but feeds into OCD's narrative. OCD has absolutely nothing to do with morality. Case in point, sufferers who feel the desperate need to confess, to be 'honest'. It has nothing to do with honesty (OCD's a fraud), and everything to do with alleviating their own anxiety. There's nothing altruistic about OCD. 

 

[don't know]

I have a question - how is OCD is fraud? I'm working on accepting myself as the person I was afraid of. Since then I've realised that all of it was true. It looks like I am this person that has feelings for family members. I'm not even going to go into it because its the same old. It wasn't a fraud - it was right this entire time for me. I've felt better mentally since just giving up but not really at the same time. It doesn't even matter. 

[PolarBear]

You go ahead and 'accept' what your mind has been telling you. Be my guest. 

Hopefully at some point, you'll realize your mental situation has not improved and that you continue to suffer. Could be six months from now or 10 years. Then, maybe, you'll open your mind to what we've been saying for a long time.

[paradoxer]

3 hours ago, don't know said:

I have a question - how is OCD is fraud?

OK, have it your way (it's kind of heartening to see someone rushing to the defense of a much maligned underdog), OCD is a valid canary in the coal mine, and only a fool wouldn't dance to its tune. 

[don't know]

My mental situation has been messed up for years due to denial and repression. Like I keep on saying everything I thought was true was a lie. It doesn't matter anyway. I feel like I have no reaction to anything because it was true. 

I did try and see this as ocd at one time - but that wasn't the case for me and that's just life. 

[dksea]

1 hour ago, don't know said:

My mental situation has been messed up for years due to denial and repression. Like I keep on saying everything I thought was true was a lie. It doesn't matter anyway. I feel like I have no reaction to anything because it was true. 

I did try and see this as ocd at one time - but that wasn't the case for me and that's just life. 

I think you are wrong, I think your situation is messed up due to OCD, but if you have made the decision to accept this as your reality, if thats what brings you happiness then I wish you well and hope you have a good life.

But if you've accepted this, if this is your truth, if the OCD thing has all been a lie, why do you continue to post here about it on an OCD forum?

[don't know]

I'm just asking how was this ocd when it turned out to be true (for me). It's been a few days and I don't react to anything anymore. The things that used to panic me are there and they are true; I just don't feel anything. I need to stop posting here because I'm just taking advantage at this point and confusing/annoying everyone. 

[PolarBear]

That you have a mental health issue is obvious. Why you've spent so long here, on an OCD forum, repeatedly telling us that you don't have OCD, is a head scratcher.

[paradoxer]

I really don't know. 

[dksea]

5 hours ago, don't know said:

I'm just asking how was this ocd when it turned out to be true (for me). It's been a few days and I don't react to anything anymore. The things that used to panic me are there and they are true; I just don't feel anything. I need to stop posting here because I'm just taking advantage at this point and confusing/annoying everyone. 

As I said, if you are happy with where you are now, then great, no problem, and you can move on with your life.  You probably would have no need to post here anymore.

But honestly, it does not sound like you are happy, in which case there is still a problem and you should still get some help for that.  Being resigned to continue suffering is not the same as being "right" about your fear or your fear coming true.  Now, as in the past, you are declaring things to be a certain way merely because you say so, not because it logically follows.  If that is how you want to live your life, we can't stop you, we can't force you to admit to anything if you don't choose to do so. But it doesn't mean you were or are right.

I'm not disappointed or confused or annoyed that you have posted about this for so long. I'm just really sad that you have given up on recovery and are giving in to the lies OCD (and possibly more) has foisted upon you. I wish you were more open to the help we are trying to provide because I genuinely believe it would help you.   If I'm wrong, if you end up leading a happy life because of the choice you made, then great, by all means live a happy life.  I'd be happy to be proven wrong, so by all means if you are happy or are becoming happy, then yes, you probably don't need to post here anymore.  But if you continue to struggle I hope you will reconsider, I hope you will give what we are telling you a chance.

[don't know]

Polarbear - I don't understand why it seems like at every opportunity you deem me mentally ill in such a way. The point is I was wrong, people are wrong about some things sometimes. I've known for a while its not OCD but came here because it takes a while to just accept yourself as this type of person, also it was a place I could say how I was actually feeling and be heard and given advice. It's not that I don't appreciate your help.

Dksea - Thanks for all your help. I'll get used to it, I'm in a calmer headspace now though and there was no point in fighting who I genuinely am. 

Edited October 18, 2019 by don't know

[paradoxer]

don't know, notwithstanding the fact that most of us here are mentally ill, within the constraints of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, at any rate, there's every chance that someone who insists on repeatedly posting on an OCD forum to declare that they don't have OCD, might just be a bit off the wall. 

''I don't have OCD ... honest I don't ... and I'm going to keep on writing multiple posts to say so.' 

[don't know]

There's no point in repeating myself (because that's all I ever do). But you're right I'm completely off the wall. 

Edited October 19, 2019 by don't know

[felix4]

49 minutes ago, don't know said:

But you're right I'm completely off the wall. 

All the more reason to see someone qualified!

Did you not see my earlier reply (the one below), DK? You don't appear to have answered.

On 12/10/2019 at 00:14, felix4 said:

DK, 

Your brain is misfiring like any other sufferer, perhaps slightly more so, and to get better you NEED specialist help!

I just don't understand why you are unwilling to discuss this with doctors who will have heard this type of thing before many times?

 

[don't know]

Hi, I'm sorry for not replying. 

Its the same old. I've tried therapy a few times and it's not worked. I don't want to go and tell someone all of this. I feel like I'm better just dealing with it, accepting it and then moving on.