feel like I'm guilty

[Sophhh]

hi,

so I suppose recently I have not been in the best of places. I am highly anxious all the time, getting panic attacks regularly but the worst of all is like I'm getting really bad guilt and it's all coming from real things that have happened so I know it's not all just in my head.

one things that's happened is something bad happened to my dad who I dont speak to anymore. I cut off contact a while ago now bcuz he was horrible and I hated going there. I feel guilty bcuz he ended up in the hospital and cudve died but I did nothing. not even rang. bcuz I cant bring myself to. there are so many things that I have like blocked out completely from my memory and I cant go back to it again. but my friends told me that i was being unfair. my "friends". they didn't understand and they told me to put myself in his shoes.

it's TRUE they know nothing of the situation but I cant help this guilt. its overwhelming...and I try to think...oh it's just OCD tricking me into thinking I'm a bad person but how can it be when people have told me I have done wrong and I felt no sadness?

alongside this a few people last week told me I seemed aggressive and angry which makes me think even more that I am the problem and its eating me up. like I feel like God will punish me? 

is this ocd or just the truth? idk. has anyone else been in a situation similar and if so how did they overcome it???

thanks x

[paradoxer]

Don't use this for reassurance, but it absolutely sounds like OCD, 'within the question lies the answer'. Real guilt never feels as torturous as OCD's faux guilt. Want to overcome it? Don't try to be 'good' and don't ruminate.