I need help cmht putting the pressure on me and i cant cope

[Charlie ocd]

Im seeing a care cordinator she came with one of there doctors yesterday it really didnt go well they were both at me starring at me.There telling me to write the thoughts down but i just cant do it and theres too many things to answer my concentration is just too bad i struggle to read sentences i have to keep re reading a sentence about 2-3 times.My memory is bad too when the care cordinator visits me and talks to me i cant remember what she said when she left.

They have started me back on clomipremen im at 100mg and going up to 150mg in two weeks time i asked the doctor what if the antidepressant needs to be increased.She answered it wont be increased it stays at 150 is this correct maybe it might need to be increased.

Ive been struggling for a very long time now its my concentration thats very bad been like this for a very long time and my memory.Im worried i have brain damage.

Edited October 5, 2019 by Charlie ocd

[Gemma7]

I'm sorry you're struggling Charlie. I don't understand why they're asking you to write your thoughts down, what is the purpose of that? I also don't agree with them sitting pressurising you to do it. 

Memory can be affected by OCD but not in a brain damage sort of way. Repeated checking results in significant doubt in memory, that is common for anyone who repeats actions over and over. Have you or are you being referred for CBT? 

[Charlie ocd]

I think thats what they are trying to do with me cbt but its the care cordinator doing it i wrote just a couple of thoughts down a while ago but cant get myself to do it now.They did start me on clomipremen before but i came off it myself because i was sweating a lot but ive seen a lot of good reviews about it so chose to try it again.Yeah she comes to see me for an hour and ive forgotton what she talked about and shes given me things to read about anxiety and ocd but i can rarely read them because i struggle so much to read sentences.

I havent been able to leave my flat for a long time the ocd is bad i find it so dificult just to bring my rubbish down 7 floors i do it when theres nobody about hoping i dont bump into anyone.I have never done cbt because i felt i couldnt others on here have told me to do it loads of times too.You have to do homework with cbt i cant even write down my thoughts im hoping the medication will help me.

ok i didnt know ocd can afect memory my concentration is very bad im hoping it gets better.

 

Thanks Gemma7

[Gemma7]

Hi Charlie

You absolutely will be able to do CBT no matter how much OCD makes you feel like it's impossible. You just need someone who understands what you find difficult. 

I hope you start feeling better with the medication but it's really important you look into CBT, it's the best way of overcoming the problem. Are you re-reading sentences because you worry something will happen if you don't? If you were to read a self-help material, could you possibly do it in small chunks so it requires less effort and time in one attempt? 

[Charlie ocd]

On 07/10/2019 at 17:43, Gemma7 said:

Hi Charlie

You absolutely will be able to do CBT no matter how much OCD makes you feel like it's impossible. You just need someone who understands what you find difficult. 

I hope you start feeling better with the medication but it's really important you look into CBT, it's the best way of overcoming the problem. Are you re-reading sentences because you worry something will happen if you don't? If you were to read a self-help material, could you possibly do it in small chunks so it requires less effort and time in one attempt? 

Hi again gemma7

The clomipremen started working at day 7 of 100mg im now up at 150mg once a day with 150mg pregabalin and busipron 5mg 3 times a day.I feel better but im shaky at times but now im not in the bed all day with the curtains closed.I actually stay out of my bedroom as much as possible now and i look forward to the day and daylight in my living room.My headphones are on all day its either my dab radio or the tv to block out what im hearing from outside the building.

I have a few options for cbt i have this website that can find me a good therapist,pickup at the maudsley or a place not far from me near guys hospital.I was struggling to read sentences but there were times i could read without that problem and it wasnt because i thought something bad might happen.Yes thats what i did read what i could at the time then go back and read the rest i needed to feel calm.

I emailed the care coordinator saying i want a good therapist not a trainee and that if its not done properly it could make my ocd worse.I read that somewhere on this website once im also finding talking on the phone very difficult.

 

cheers 

[Angst]

Hi there

 Glad that the medication is working.

If your memory is bad then I think writing down things is a very helpful thing to do. If you find talking on the phone and face to face difficult then writing down what you want to say can be very helpful. Many people do this when they visit their GP. Or when they make a phone call to the DWP. It is another reason why I believe in the recording of therapy sessions. Most  of us only pick up on the general gist of a conversation.

Some years my memory was bad, as it had been affected mental illness. It returned and as my job  involved a lot of  reading I was grateful.

Reading takes up a lot of memory resources -long term and what is called working memory -you have your vocabulary stored in your head in long term memory -you hold for seconds what you read in your working memory - the knowledge which you gain is transferred into your long term memory. Stress reduces the efficiency of our memories.

A trainee psychotherapist will be under quite intensive supervision by an experienced therapist so I would not be too worried.

[Charlie ocd]

Hi Angst

I had a feeling you would say something yes on day 7 the 100mg did something i felt it and i liked it.So carried on up to 150mg ive felt more of that feeling being happy again and more calming thats what clomipremen is supposed to do.I read a lot of reviews about it so decided to try it again instead of what the new psychiatrist recommended.

Yes on the phone and face to face is very difficult ive written down stuff for the psychiatrist before i see her because its hard getting what i need if i was talking.Yes you did tell me your memory was very bad at one stage i will try more reading its just i have the headphones on all the time but i can use earplugs and read.I will get to do cbt eventualy i just want it done properly ive been afected by this ocd for 17 years god thats a long time when i think about it.

Thanks