Looking for certainty - Fear of Flying (Merged Threads)

[dksea]

2 hours ago, Phil19 said:

I moved jobs as mentioned but I’m not enjoying it. Part of the reason I wanted to move was to push myself out the solipsism bubble to prove I can make a choice as a sort of exposure therapy. I did this with the subway too and I never enjoyed the experience so my question is why do I feel regret and anxiety about pushing myself? My head says one thing do what you fear but if I don’t enjoy it I wonder do I really want to say fly somewhere or is it just an excuse to see if I can do an exposure or perhaps I just dislike the anxiety I feel? I feel I need a safety blanket I need the anxiety to keep me safe? Any advice would be great as right now I fear moving jobs was a bad idea!

Maybe it was a bad idea, maybe it wasn't.  Whether or not you enjoy something isn't proof for or against solipsism or OCD.  Sometimes life isn't joyful, sometimes it is.  That just reality.  Assuming that a choice has to be joyful in order for it to be real or correct is a logical fallacy.  The correct choice if I want to be healthy is to choose healthy foods.  The "joyful" choice at least in the short term would be to eat delicious but unhealthy food.  But then that might make me less joyful down the road.  No one on earth is joyful 100% of the time, and that's ok. Thats normal.  Sometimes you are happy, sometimes you aren't, thats life.  Applying arbitrary rules that have nothing to do with the situation isn't going to solve your problems.  Following the advice we have previously offered can.

[Phil19]

5 hours ago, dksea said:

Maybe it was a bad idea, maybe it wasn't.  Whether or not you enjoy something isn't proof for or against solipsism or OCD.  Sometimes life isn't joyful, sometimes it is.  That just reality.  Assuming that a choice has to be joyful in order for it to be real or correct is a logical fallacy.  The correct choice if I want to be healthy is to choose healthy foods.  The "joyful" choice at least in the short term would be to eat delicious but unhealthy food.  But then that might make me less joyful down the road.  No one on earth is joyful 100% of the time, and that's ok. Thats normal.  Sometimes you are happy, sometimes you aren't, thats life.  Applying arbitrary rules that have nothing to do with the situation isn't going to solve your problems.  Following the advice we have previously offered can.

Sure but my concern is why am I at first feeling good about challenging the fear to later feel regret? I have put a hold on tackling any further fears until I figure it out. The ocd would say don’t fly but the treatment for ocd would say fly but I can’t justify the discomfort to get small relief and possibly regret my choice to fly? I don’t believe in being unhappy either I don’t believe In making bad choices stuff has to work for me. I got my way in my old job it would have to happen again. It may seem a selfish view but I’m not of the old skool view of settling for what life brings. 

[paradoxer]

9 minutes ago, Phil19 said:

 It may seem a selfish view but I’m not of the old skool view of settling for what life brings. 

It's good to know that you're progressive. What are you implying - that others pragmatic, informed, those perhaps slightly more adept than you at navigating the pitfalls of this temporal life, are resigned to mediocrity? You ask for help, and though hardly in a position to do so, patronize.  

[Equinoxygen]

14 minutes ago, Phil19 said:

Sure but my concern is why am I at first feeling good about challenging the fear to later feel regret? I have put a hold on tackling any further fears until I figure it out. The ocd would say don’t fly but the treatment for ocd would say fly but I can’t justify the discomfort to get small relief and possibly regret my choice to fly? I don’t believe in being unhappy either I don’t believe In making bad choices stuff has to work for me. I got my way in my old job it would have to happen again. It may seem a selfish view but I’m not of the old skool view of settling for what life brings. 

Good morning Phil19. May I ask, is it generally important to you to always be in control? In my experience, fate has a pesky habit of scrutinising one’s carefully laid plans, then laughing it’s mischievous head off. If life has taught me anything, it’s that we have so very little control over what happens to us. What we can control, to some extent, is how we respond. We are also capable, with sufficient practice, of managing our expectations, so that what life brings us is often just fine. That’s not to say we shouldn’t strive for what we want. Just that happiness is fleeting. And a large proportion of everyone’s life is occupied just getting through. By all means follow your dreams. But be prepared to play the hand you’re dealt.

[Closed for repairs]

Yeah public transport, is not usually "fun", but for most people it's a means to an end.

Lots of people don't go places because they don't like the travelling. And as far as I'm aware you have managed to use both planes and the underground, in the last few years, and changing your job seems (to me) something quite brave. So you can do these out of your comfort zone things if you have to.

As far as I can see it's the stuff with the bins that is the real problem...

[Phil19]

18 minutes ago, Closed for repairs said:

Yeah public transport, is not usually "fun", but for most people it's a means to an end.

Lots of people don't go places because they don't like the travelling. And as far as I'm aware you have managed to use both planes and the underground, in the last few years, and changing your job seems (to me) something quite brave. So you can do these out of your comfort zone things if you have to.

As far as I can see it's the stuff with the bins that is the real problem...

Yes I’ve defo had some issues with bins and not been able to get to the bottom of it. Problem is with travelling as I want to do it without the anxiety sure I did the task but I don’t want to feel bad about it. 

[Phil19]

3 hours ago, Equinoxygen said:

Good morning Phil19. May I ask, is it generally important to you to always be in control? In my experience, fate has a pesky habit of scrutinising one’s carefully laid plans, then laughing it’s mischievous head off. If life has taught me anything, it’s that we have so very little control over what happens to us. What we can control, to some extent, is how we respond. We are also capable, with sufficient practice, of managing our expectations, so that what life brings us is often just fine. That’s not to say we shouldn’t strive for what we want. Just that happiness is fleeting. And a large proportion of everyone’s life is occupied just getting through. By all means follow your dreams. But be prepared to play the hand you’re dealt.

Yes that goes down my path of free will I think. And Fate. So yes I feel I need control I dislike a lack of control my worst nightmare would be living life like a video game sitting but no control over it. Or like watching a dvd but no control over it that’s my nightmare. Sure nobody can answer for sure about free will but it makes me worry. 

[dksea]

1 hour ago, Phil19 said:

Yes I’ve defo had some issues with bins and not been able to get to the bottom of it.

You have OCD, there, you've gotten to the bottom of it.  Done.  Finished.  Thats all folks. 

Next.
 

1 hour ago, Phil19 said:

Problem is with travelling as I want to do it without the anxiety sure I did the task but I don’t want to feel bad about it. 

And I want to be in perfect shape but I don't want to exercise.  Guess what?  Most of the time in life (and especially with OCD) you have to do things you don't want to get what you do want.  

Its really simple.  if you want to recover from OCD and be able to do the things you say you want to do, then you have to do things that cause you anxiety, you ahve to do things and feel bad.  You don't want to?  Yeah, no one does, but reality is sometimes things are hard, sometimes you will feel bad.  If you aren't willing to do the work, ok, thats your choice, but it means you almost certainly aren't going to get to do what you want.  You aren't going to travel.  You aren't going to recover from OCD.  

 

5 hours ago, Phil19 said:

Sure but my concern is why am I at first feeling good about challenging the fear to later feel regret? I have put a hold on tackling any further fears until I figure it out.

Because you have OCD.  Because you are in a 100 meter deep hole, and climbing up 1 meter isn't going to get you out.  There is nothing to "figure out".  There is nothing to "wrap your head around".  There is nothing to "get to the bottom of".  YOu are wasting your time trying to solve this like a logic puzzle, just as countless OCD sufferers have done before you and who knows how many more will after you.  Every one of them failed with that approach because it DOES. NOT. WORK.  You think you are the first person to try it?  Not even close!  Most everyone who posts here has or is right now trying to do the same thing.  The difference between the people who haven't recovered yet and those who have, is those of us who have listened and learned that the approach you are trying doesn't work.  You know what does? CBT.  Thats what you have to do if you want to get better.  The hard work.  The feeling bad.  The struggling.  Yeah it sucks.  Yeah we all wish there was an easier way.  But CBT works and wishing doesn't, so it's up to you which path to take.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, no matter how many times you ask, how many times you tell us "Sure but..." the answer isn't going to change.  If you want to recover you have to do the work.  If you don't want to do the work you aren't going to recover.  Its not complicated, you don't have to get to the bottom of it, its right there, plain and simple.