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OnlyAlex

Struggling to be happy without doing OCD

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Hey everyone,

I wanted to open up and be really honest with you all with how badly I'm struggling and I am going to talk about some things that I don't feel are disgusting but am worried others might find it disgusting - I like to be perfect and be 100% great in everything I do, but obviously this is impossible.

I have been struggling with low mood and therefore I have been struggling with my mental health. So I haven't been able to get out of bed early, eating healthily etc. 

I have been burping a lot, which I am worried people might judge me for, that I have been leaving my house untidy, not washing - all of the things I normally love doing and enjoy.

Now that I am feeling a bit more awake and less down, I want to do my OCD compulsions as I feel horrendous. One night I even slept with out a pillow case on. How gross is that? 

I have been really honest with you all abut how I'm feeling and what I've been doing / not doing. 

Do I sound disgusting?

The thing I'm really struggling with is doing my OCD compulsions does make me feel happier. I feel like a new person, all my old problems are erased, to a degree and I feel like nobody knows I've lived here because I've cleaned from top to bottom. Obviously the guilt and doing the compulsions make me exhausted. 

I really don't want to do my compulsions because I still feel exhausted and I don't really have the energy, but I could cope doing it. But I know what will happen is I feel better for about a day and then feel horrendous again because I won't be able to do everything perfectly.

I am in a bit of a catch 22 because I feel there's no point in doing anything good, getting back on track until I've done my OCD compulsions. My brain won't let me as the guilt of everything I've done such as getting out of bed at 3pm, cancelling appointments, telling lies etc. won't go until I've done the OCD compulsions.

I was thinking of doing a mini reset, so making the house neat - take about an hour and then try and see if that works?

Any thoughts, suggestions or if I'm being disgusting and gross or anything else would be really appreciated.

Thank you all.

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Hi Alex :)

Firstly you do not sound disgusting at all. Secondly, have you had any therapy for your OCD? It sounds like you use compulsions to deal with emotions like guilt. You say the feelings of guilt won't go without the compulsions, but that isn't the case. It's always possible to let feelings go without doing any compulsions but you need help with how to approach doing that. 

You seem aware that compulsions only lead you to feel stressed in the end which is a great place to start with changing your behaviour. Have you looked into any self-help materials too like Break free from OCD? 

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5 minutes ago, Gemma7 said:

Hi Alex :)

Firstly you do not sound disgusting at all. Secondly, have you had any therapy for your OCD? It sounds like you use compulsions to deal with emotions like guilt. You say the feelings of guilt won't go without the compulsions, but that isn't the case. It's always possible to let feelings go without doing any compulsions but you need help with how to approach doing that. 

You seem aware that compulsions only lead you to feel stressed in the end which is a great place to start with changing your behaviour. Have you looked into any self-help materials too like Break free from OCD? 

 

 

Hi Gemma,

Thank you for this. I have had therapy in the past. I sure do my compulsions to deal with guilt. Guilt is a huge problem for me. I have also looked into self help materials in the past but maybe it's time to look again?

Thanks.

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You can't reset your life. You can rearrange and clean things in your environment but that does nothing to solve a disordered mind. For that you likely need help.

Edited by PolarBear

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4 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

You can't reset your life. You can rearrange and clean things in your environment but that does nothing to solve a disordered mind. For that you likely need help.

Thank you - good way of looking at it. :) 

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1 hour ago, OnlyAlex said:

Hi Gemma,

Thank you for this. I have had therapy in the past. I sure do my compulsions to deal with guilt. Guilt is a huge problem for me. I have also looked into self help materials in the past but maybe it's time to look again?

Thanks.

It's always good to look again and even to try therapy again. It can be really hard when you get dragged back into the cycle to get out but you just need some structure through therapy to help get you back on track :)

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7 minutes ago, Gemma7 said:

It's always good to look again and even to try therapy again. It can be really hard when you get dragged back into the cycle to get out but you just need some structure through therapy to help get you back on track :)

Thank you. Should I just do the compulsions so I feel happier whilst I wait for support?

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4 minutes ago, OnlyAlex said:

Thank you. Should I just do the compulsions so I feel happier whilst I wait for support?

Well it would be unrealistic to expect you to be to stop all compulsions. But if you can manage to not do them great :thumbup: 

While you are waiting, look into self-help so you can begin to tackle the problem yourself, that way you won't feel so bad by the time therapy comes around :)

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14 hours ago, Gemma7 said:

Well it would be unrealistic to expect you to be to stop all compulsions. But if you can manage to not do them great :thumbup: 

While you are waiting, look into self-help so you can begin to tackle the problem yourself, that way you won't feel so bad by the time therapy comes around :)

Thank you. :)

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On 16/10/2019 at 01:41, OnlyAlex said:

Thank you. Should I just do the compulsions so I feel happier whilst I wait for support?

As Gemma said, its probably unrealistic to suddenly just stop all your compulsions right now, over night.  If it were that easy none us would have OCD.  That said compulsions only reinforce and strength OCD.  You should always TRY to avoid doing them.  Realistically sometimes you can't, none of us are perfect, we don't have infinite patience or strength, but if your goal is overcoming OCD then you should at least be trying to reduce your compulsions.  The sooner you get started, the sooner you'll reach your goal.

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8 hours ago, dksea said:

As Gemma said, its probably unrealistic to suddenly just stop all your compulsions right now, over night.  If it were that easy none us would have OCD.  That said compulsions only reinforce and strength OCD.  You should always TRY to avoid doing them.  Realistically sometimes you can't, none of us are perfect, we don't have infinite patience or strength, but if your goal is overcoming OCD then you should at least be trying to reduce your compulsions.  The sooner you get started, the sooner you'll reach your goal.

Thank you so much :) 

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