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Vomit phobia related contamination worry- what should I do to reduce but not avoid compulsions?


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I am in an OCD-state at the moment. 

On Monday I walked out of the CMHT from my Psychologist appointment and walked into the Car Park, which backs on to the GP Practice to wait for a lift home. I'm normally very careful and was careful leaving the practice, particularly outside the GP practice. However at one point I was walking around looking at my phone. I realised I needed to get out of the way of cars so I walked towards a little paving area, only to notice a fresh pile of vomit and back off away from it. 

QI had a segment on Norovirus recently and it demonstrated how far away from the actual visible vomit-substance, invisible particles of Norovirus can be found (I think it was the length of an average living room). Whilst I don't think I walked in the actual vomit (I might have done whilst looking at my phone but I don't think so); I might well have walked in the non-visible Norovirus particles as I was probably a foot away from it. 

I subsequently took my shoes off outside the door and decided not to wear them again, disposed of my socks and leggings AND showered for a long time. 

Now some company has unexpectedly left a package on top of my contaminated shoes by the front door. I am disgusted and scared. 

I realise that a normal person wouldn't think about it but I cannot help it. I know that it is impossible for me not to complete any compulsions for this one. 

I'm thinking of putting on rubber gloves, opening out a black bin bag onto the floor on the carpet by the door, gently placing the box in the bag, taking the gloves off replacing them, tying the bag up. Replacing the gloves and then putting that bin bag into another bag and storing it somewhere for a month or so until it is clean enough to deal with. However if the package is for a family member I very much doubt they'll let me and I literally feel a bit paralysed and don't know what to do! 

I know I won't die if I catch Norovirus but as a sufferer of severe Emetophobia the actual vomiting that the virus involves is absolutely terrifying.

What should I do?

Edited by BelAnna
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Realisticallly, nothing.

You've already done a bunch of unnecessary and damaging compulsions. More will just make your situation worse.

You haven't figured out that it is your thinking and behavior that is causing your fear. Not a virus.

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1 hour ago, PolarBear said:

Realisticallly, nothing.

You've already done a bunch of unnecessary and damaging compulsions. More will just make your situation worse.

You haven't figured out that it is your thinking and behavior that is causing your fear. Not a virus.

Hi PolarBear, 

 I would actually have reacted in a more extreme way in the past (e.g. sprayed dettol/bleach on my shoes and my feet) but I did complete compulsions yes. 

I do know that my thinking and behaviour are keeping me trapped. The thing is though that a virus would be horrendous from my perspective and whilst my OCD does blow-up things and make them seem worse than they are; I don't think it's impossible to catch a virus in this way.

If this was something like vomitus from Ebola, then official advice would be to stay well away from it; even if the chance of actually getting ill from being close to but not touching the substance might not be very high. The awfulness of the tiny possiblity of Ebola in that situation means that an unlikely situation is taken seriously and precautions are taken. In the same way my mind is assessing this situation to present a high risk of Norovirus infection, which is awful, if not likely and so my response is extreme. 

I think this might be too high up on my exposure hierarchy and I will probably just have to surrender to compulsions this time, whilst working on other more manageable tasks.

Edited by BelAnna
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Hi @BelAnna

i can relate to feeling the need to resort to compulsions when the exposure feels to high. That is good that you are seeing some progress at least and not doing as many compulsions as you have in the past. Yes keep on with gradual work with the hierarchy, and the compulsions should lessen.

I'm not sure what it's like to have a vomit phobia with facing contamination issues, but i would think it would be similar to those of us who  have blood-borne disease fears. Our fears exaggerate the threat of even the idea of exposure to blood or a needle or something. So if i saw a needle near where i was walking i would have a similar response to yours. I am working at it slowly with a gradual hierarchy, and i have gotten better with it, but can very much relate to the fear! As always i find the fewer compulsions i do around something, the quicker the anxiety declines. But yes we must work at it gradually and not be too hard on ourselves while working away at it.

Did you find out who the package was for? If it is for a family member and you can't do the compulsions you want to, i think you may be surprised by your ability to cope. The anticipation often seems worse, at least that's what I've found!

Also try to think of your other thread and the threat exaggeration you had with your mum tipping the guy. Often when we give these fears a bit of time and space we can see that we were exaggerating the fear. Hopefully you'll be able to see that walking near vomit isn't a real threat.

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BelAnna, I do really understand where you are coming from and I empathize. 

Everything you are going through is make believe. It's not real. Actually vomiting is far easier than putting yourself through the daily hell you live with. You torture yourself continually, basically for no reason.

All the reading you've done about Norovirus has been pointless. Do you understand that the rest of the world doesn't do that, doesn't care and lead perfectly normal lives? Do you realize that the vast majority of people, upon seeing vomit, do not think Norovirus and contamination spread?

Every time you do a compulsion, you reinforce in your mind your fear. Every time. So not bleaching while still taking a shower is not much of an improvement. You still did compulsions and still reinforced your irrational fear.

 

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9 hours ago, BelAnna said:

The thing is though that a virus would be horrendous from my perspective and whilst my OCD does blow-up things and make them seem worse than they are; I don't think it's impossible to catch a virus in this way.

I would say that this is part of the thinking you need to change if you want to get past this.  You are right, it may be possible to catch some kind of virus in this way...or millions of others!  If your goal is to NEVER get sick again for the rest of your life, odds are you are going to fail, repeatedly.  Its an unrealistic goal.  Trust me I know how bad the idea of throwing up can be, I fought that particular anxiety for over a decade, and even now the idea is still not one that I'd be thrilled with.  But I can also tell you that worse than getting sick is the constant fear of getting sick, getting past that fear, and just living your life is SO worth it.
 

9 hours ago, BelAnna said:

If this was something like vomitus from Ebola, then official advice would be to stay well away from it; even if the chance of actually getting ill from being close to but not touching the substance might not be very high. The awfulness of the tiny possiblity of Ebola in that situation means that an unlikely situation is taken seriously and precautions are taken. In the same way my mind is assessing this situation to present a high risk of Norovirus infection, which is awful, if not likely and so my response is extreme. 

The trouble is the odds of it being ebola are so remote that the avoidance is not really in line with reality.  Its like avoiding going to the zoo because there is a remote chance a tiger could escape and eat you.  Its true your mind evaluates the risk as high even for just norovirus, but unfortunately that assessment is based on OCD's distorted thinking, not the actual chance.  If you want to improve you have to admit and recognize that your own assessment of these situations is tainted by the OCD and all the time you've spent engaged in compulsions.  The anxiety reaction you get makes you believe (understandably, again I've been there) that the risk is high but its really not, and also the consequences aren't nearly as bad as you've come to treat them as in your mind.

Ultimately of course its up to you how much you want to change things and how much effort feel able/willing to engage in with a worry at this time.  Eliminating compulsions is the goal, but if you are working at reducing them overtime thats reasonable.  You don't have to conquer this one completely right now, you can apply gradual steps too.  But the longer you engage in the compulsions the slower your recovery will be.  As PB says, the best thing you can do in these situations is nothing, not engage in any compulsion.  If thats not something you are ready for right now, the next best thing would be to find ways to continue to reduce and limit your compulsions. But I would always be wary of saying "whats an acceptable level of compulsions I can do" because that level will almost certainly grow over time.

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17 hours ago, leif said:

Hi @BelAnna

i can relate to feeling the need to resort to compulsions when the exposure feels to high. That is good that you are seeing some progress at least and not doing as many compulsions as you have in the past. Yes keep on with gradual work with the hierarchy, and the compulsions should lessen.

I'm not sure what it's like to have a vomit phobia with facing contamination issues, but i would think it would be similar to those of us who  have blood-borne disease fears. Our fears exaggerate the threat of even the idea of exposure to blood or a needle or something. So if i saw a needle near where i was walking i would have a similar response to yours. I am working at it slowly with a gradual hierarchy, and i have gotten better with it, but can very much relate to the fear! As always i find the fewer compulsions i do around something, the quicker the anxiety declines. But yes we must work at it gradually and not be too hard on ourselves while working away at it.

Did you find out who the package was for? If it is for a family member and you can't do the compulsions you want to, i think you may be surprised by your ability to cope. The anticipation often seems worse, at least that's what I've found!

Also try to think of your other thread and the threat exaggeration you had with your mum tipping the guy. Often when we give these fears a bit of time and space we can see that we were exaggerating the fear. Hopefully you'll be able to see that walking near vomit isn't a real threat.

Hi Leif,

Thank you for your reply and support. It does sound like our contamination OCD thoughts are similar despite being based on different primary concerns. It definitely does help to do fewer compulsions in other situations but I think I failed this time!

I left the package outside for hours and then at 12.30am I wore multiple pairs of gloves and opened the package on to some bin bags. It turns out it contains some sort of metal door hangers from China for our next door neighbours. The delivery guy had just dumped the package on a wet patch outside of our house. The problem is the address label was on the 'contaminated' bottom of the package so I only looked at it after opening the box, which is embarrassing if the neighbours come round for it later. I triple bagged (not bin bags) their package and am a bit worried about them coming over for it!

I got to bed at 3.45am after all of my compulsions so it was very stressful. I was thinking to myself 'This really isn't worth it' as I was doing it and questioning my logic about the package being so contaminated but the fear of Norovirus won this time.

12 hours ago, PolarBear said:

BelAnna, I do really understand where you are coming from and I empathize. 

Everything you are going through is make believe. It's not real. Actually vomiting is far easier than putting yourself through the daily hell you live with. You torture yourself continually, basically for no reason.

All the reading you've done about Norovirus has been pointless. Do you understand that the rest of the world doesn't do that, doesn't care and lead perfectly normal lives? Do you realize that the vast majority of people, upon seeing vomit, do not think Norovirus and contamination spread?

Every time you do a compulsion, you reinforce in your mind your fear. Every time. So not bleaching while still taking a shower is not much of an improvement. You still did compulsions and still reinforced your irrational fear.

 

Thanks Polarbear and thanks for empathising. It does actually help for you to say that it's make believe. I think in this instance that my fears were exaggerated although I would probably disagree with it being 'make believe' if I actually stood in vomit because there's a reasonable chance of it being Norovirus vomit and Norovirus vomit is objectively pathogenic/fully of viral particles (like a sneeze when someone has a cold).

I do know that the rest of the world know nothing about Norovirus and just carry on as normal. When my eldest brother visited recently he had something that looked a bit puke-like on his shoe and his 'normal behaviour' around it actually really helped me. I want to be able to live a normal life. One of the issues I have is that sickness viruses are relatively common and the extreme fear I feel around them isn't something I can just ignore- I don't really know what to do about it! 

11 hours ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

As someone who has had quite severe food poisoning more than once (yeah lucky me)... It is deeply unpleasant but I'd take it any day of the week over the relentless torture of ocd. A million times over. Every day. There is no contest. 

Thank you Gingerbreadgirl, that really helps actually! I often hear horror stories of people having food poisoning or norovirus and saying they felt like death/dying/the worst they'd ever felt and it just really reinforces my fears.

I did have very severe sickness bugs in childhood, which have left me feeling terrified but originally my Emetophobia was triggered by vomiting in the car as a four year old on the way to visit my Mum in hospital and not being allowed to see her due to 'infection control'. As well as seeing a seriously ill family member vomit blood and my younger brother having breathing and choking issues due to a congenital condition. I have had lots of treatment for my Emetophobia but it doesn't seem to have helped! 

I have had over 20 years of OCD (starting at age 7) and probably spent fewer than 20 days sick during that time so logically I am wasting my life for nothing but I don't really know how to stop! 

9 hours ago, dksea said:

I would say that this is part of the thinking you need to change if you want to get past this.  You are right, it may be possible to catch some kind of virus in this way...or millions of others!  If your goal is to NEVER get sick again for the rest of your life, odds are you are going to fail, repeatedly.  Its an unrealistic goal.  Trust me I know how bad the idea of throwing up can be, I fought that particular anxiety for over a decade, and even now the idea is still not one that I'd be thrilled with.  But I can also tell you that worse than getting sick is the constant fear of getting sick, getting past that fear, and just living your life is SO worth it.
 

The trouble is the odds of it being ebola are so remote that the avoidance is not really in line with reality.  Its like avoiding going to the zoo because there is a remote chance a tiger could escape and eat you.  Its true your mind evaluates the risk as high even for just norovirus, but unfortunately that assessment is based on OCD's distorted thinking, not the actual chance.  If you want to improve you have to admit and recognize that your own assessment of these situations is tainted by the OCD and all the time you've spent engaged in compulsions.  The anxiety reaction you get makes you believe (understandably, again I've been there) that the risk is high but its really not, and also the consequences aren't nearly as bad as you've come to treat them as in your mind.

Ultimately of course its up to you how much you want to change things and how much effort feel able/willing to engage in with a worry at this time.  Eliminating compulsions is the goal, but if you are working at reducing them overtime thats reasonable.  You don't have to conquer this one completely right now, you can apply gradual steps too.  But the longer you engage in the compulsions the slower your recovery will be.  As PB says, the best thing you can do in these situations is nothing, not engage in any compulsion.  If thats not something you are ready for right now, the next best thing would be to find ways to continue to reduce and limit your compulsions. But I would always be wary of saying "whats an acceptable level of compulsions I can do" because that level will almost certainly grow over time.

Thank you Dksea. Yes you're right that I cannot avoid getting ill and I have had several other viruses this year already from family members and visiting family. I do know that life without OCD and with a sickness bug maybe every 2-5 years would be worth it (I haven't had Norovirus/sickness bugs now for 13 years) but it's got to a point where everything that anyone else has handled feels contaminated and 'dangerous'!

I do definitely need to reduce my compulsions. I'm a bit worried now about the consequences of my compulsions because my neighbours delivery is now opened and in several bags! I don't know really what to do about it!

The Ebola thingy was just an analogy- I know that there are currently no cases of Ebola in the UK. I just meant that if I was living in an Ebola region of Africa the advice would be to stay away from any vomit that might be from an Ebola sufferer, even if the chance of catching it from being vaguely close to the substance was low. In the same way because my fear of Norovirus is so high then I take more extreme measures to avoid it even if the chance of catching it from being close to it is low.

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46 minutes ago, Closed for repairs said:

Just tell your neighbors the delivery man dumped their box in the wet and you opened it by mistake.

Nothing you can do about it now.

Its not like the package is any thing odd.

You can all have a moan about deliveries, job done , don't over think it.

Thank you Closed for repairs! It's not that bad is it? The delivery guy really shouldn't have dumped it by our door! 

A family member was worried about the potential to cause a rift so I opened the package with gloves on again about an hour ago, placed the items in a box and then a bag so it looked less silly and then added a box of chocolates as an apology. I cannot speak to the neighbours but a family member took them over- all done now!! 

I wish there was a magic wand for my stupid phobia! 

 

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2 hours ago, BelAnna said:

I wish there was a magic wand for my stupid phobia! 

Yes i often wish that for myself as well. A magic wand or even just that the treatment was a little easier!

That was nice of you to add some chocolates. I don't think it would be uncommon for a package to be opened by mistake and i doubt they would think much of it especially if its just some hangers.

Do you have daily compulsions that you do on just normal days without extra triggers? I found for me the best way was just to reduce my daily compulsions a little at a time. I still would often resort to more compulsions when faced with surprise exposures (like yours with the delivery ending up on your shoes) Reducing my daily ones has helped me face the surprise ones, as i have started to see how i can handle anxiety without the compulsions. As i say though, all done in a gradual way, and not getting down  on myself when the trigger is too much. 

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2 hours ago, leif said:

Yes i often wish that for myself as well. A magic wand or even just that the treatment was a little easier!

That was nice of you to add some chocolates. I don't think it would be uncommon for a package to be opened by mistake and i doubt they would think much of it especially if its just some hangers.

Do you have daily compulsions that you do on just normal days without extra triggers? I found for me the best way was just to reduce my daily compulsions a little at a time. I still would often resort to more compulsions when faced with surprise exposures (like yours with the delivery ending up on your shoes) Reducing my daily ones has helped me face the surprise ones, as i have started to see how i can handle anxiety without the compulsions. As i say though, all done in a gradual way, and not getting down  on myself when the trigger is too much. 

That's a great idea Leif. My Psychologist is nice and positive but has been doing EMDR rather than focusing on CBT and even in the past I think my 'Exposure Hierarchy' incorporated more of the big exposure tasks and less everyday stuff. 

Today I did sit in the seat that I felt was contaminated by that 'exposure' on Monday, which was an achievement. 

How is your CBT going at the moment?

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Good for you for sitting in the seat!

Yes i find the everyday stuff a good place to start as its easier to be consistent with the CBT. I made a lot of progress after a bad relapse just being consistent with the CBT and whittling down my compulsions and places of avoidance little by little. I'm very happy to have made good progress there, but i still have lots to work on. What i'm struggling lately with is some of the bigger things that have become a long-term issue with me, namely using public toilets. That one remains very tricky for me because of all the variables. And also its just been so long that I've been avoiding them and i find the longer i leave things the harder it is to approach. I will get there though.

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8 hours ago, leif said:

Good for you for sitting in the seat!

Yes i find the everyday stuff a good place to start as its easier to be consistent with the CBT. I made a lot of progress after a bad relapse just being consistent with the CBT and whittling down my compulsions and places of avoidance little by little. I'm very happy to have made good progress there, but i still have lots to work on. What i'm struggling lately with is some of the bigger things that have become a long-term issue with me, namely using public toilets. That one remains very tricky for me because of all the variables. And also its just been so long that I've been avoiding them and i find the longer i leave things the harder it is to approach. I will get there though.

That's brilliant though that you've been making progress each day. 

I can't use public toilets either. About five years ago I did do some CBT with another Psychologist and managed to walk into the loos in cafes (and even used the cleanest one with the no-touch approach (e.g. hovering and using tissues for the flush, door handles, taps)) but I've since gone back to being terrified of them again! I find multiple-cubicle toilets the most anxiety provoking because I've heard people vomiting in them in the past and every spillage and mark is a problem so for long car journeys I hold-it in (and avoiding drinking) for up to 10 hours as service station toilets are a no-go. Obviously though using loos on the go is a part of normal life so it's great that you're starting to tackle the fear. Are you having CBT with a therapist or doing self-directed CBT only? 

 

 

 

 

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On 18/10/2019 at 20:10, BelAnna said:

I just meant that if I was living in an Ebola region of Africa the advice would be to stay away from any vomit that might be from an Ebola sufferer, even if the chance of catching it from being vaguely close to the substance was low.

Sure, there are situations where extreme precautions need to be taken, but not because a person has an exaggerated fear of Ebola, but because the reality of the disease and the facts of the situation warrant such caution.
 

On 18/10/2019 at 20:10, BelAnna said:

In the same way because my fear of Norovirus is so high then I take more extreme measures to avoid it even if the chance of catching it from being close to it is low.

The difference is that the extreme measures you take are not based on the actual threat, but on an overly exaggerated level of threat you have come to associate with norovirus.  Of course you are free to act more cautious than another person in that situation.  One can, in some circumstances lead a perfectly happy life while avoiding something other people wouldn't.  A person can choose to live their life never flying on an airplane for example and still be happy.  The issue isn't simply that you are taking extreme measures to avoid norovirus, its that the effort required to do so, and the consequences of doing so cause you significant distress.  Referencing your earlier statement:
 

On 18/10/2019 at 20:10, BelAnna said:

but it's got to a point where everything that anyone else has handled feels contaminated and 'dangerous'!

Ok, so this is your present situation.  Its accurate to say this is how you feel, and I can relate and understand how much distress this causes.  But whats important to recognize is that it doesn't have to STAY this way.  Just as it has gotten to this point, it can get to a different point if you want to make that change.  The decision you have to make is whether you want to confront this anxiety and change the situation or if you are fine continuing to live this way.

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10 hours ago, dksea said:

Sure, there are situations where extreme precautions need to be taken, but not because a person has an exaggerated fear of Ebola, but because the reality of the disease and the facts of the situation warrant such caution.
 

The difference is that the extreme measures you take are not based on the actual threat, but on an overly exaggerated level of threat you have come to associate with norovirus.  Of course you are free to act more cautious than another person in that situation.  One can, in some circumstances lead a perfectly happy life while avoiding something other people wouldn't.  A person can choose to live their life never flying on an airplane for example and still be happy.  The issue isn't simply that you are taking extreme measures to avoid norovirus, its that the effort required to do so, and the consequences of doing so cause you significant distress.  Referencing your earlier statement:
 

Ok, so this is your present situation.  Its accurate to say this is how you feel, and I can relate and understand how much distress this causes.  But whats important to recognize is that it doesn't have to STAY this way.  Just as it has gotten to this point, it can get to a different point if you want to make that change.  The decision you have to make is whether you want to confront this anxiety and change the situation or if you are fine continuing to live this way.

Thanks Dksea, you're completely right!

I just meant that for me the perceived consequences or 'awfulness' of catching Norovirus are/is so great, that that explains why I take such extreme measures to avoid it, even when the likelihood is low. I'm not saying that that's justified. I was more just making a point that when assessing risk, you don't simply work with the likelihood of something happening but also with how severe the consequences would be. For example if there is a small risk of terrorist attack then precautions are still taken because the 'awfulness' of a terrorist attack is so great so as my brain is assessing the risk of norovirus as great (it's not, that's just my faulty brain!) then I'm taking precautions even when the risk is probably small because any risk is too much. I guess I have to challenge my appraisal of Norovirus as 'awful' and somehow appraise it as 'part of normal life' but I'm not sure how! 

It's really helpful to hear from you as a recovered Emetophobe because I often think of the phobia as a complicating factor in this condition (e.g. if you're scared that you'll die from contamination worries then a bit of ERP will reveal that that's not the case whereas if you're scared you'll contract Norovirus from ERP then there is probably about 1/730 chance of contracting norovirus each day when completing ERP tasks (based on the fact that people get one sickness bug every two years on average). I'm sorry if I've already asked this but have you had a sickness bug since you've recovered from Emetophobia? if so, how did you respond? 

 

Thanks Paradoxer; that's definitely true. The only thing I would say is that if something is very high up on my ERP hierarchy and causes a SUDs (subjective units of distress)/anxiety level of 8/10 or higher then I think that completing compulsions is probably OK until I face other ERP tasks that cause less significant anxiety. The idea would be that I would then work up to managing more difficult tasks without completing compulsions.

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On 21/10/2019 at 20:07, BelAnna said:

I'm sorry if I've already asked this but have you had a sickness bug since you've recovered from Emetophobia? if so, how did you respond? 

Well I'm not sure if this will help or hurt, but I figure its best to be honest!  I actually haven't thrown up in gosh, maybe 25 years now?  The downside of that admission is you are probably thinking "see! It can be avoided!".  But keep in mind, I haven't engaged in remotely any of the behaviors you have.  I wash my hands after using the toilet and usually before eating, but not always.  I don't particularly avoid things outside of what a non-OCD person would avoid touching etc.  I can't say I ever even consider the odds of catching Noro-virus when I do anything.  Early on I struggled when a TV show or movie or book would reference or show a situation where someone was sick, but now it might only bother me a little bit.  Or not at all.  I have been ill of course over the last 25 years, and its possible that some of those times WERE Noro-virus or something else that could cause an upset stomach.  I don't know necessarily why I haven't thrown up.  Perhaps its partly mind over matter.  Maybe I'd have felt better just "getting it out" as it were and stuck it out feeling less comfortable for longer.  I really can't say.  My emetophobia was more related to travel and motion sickness than illness, I used to avoid busses or planes if at all possible.  I'd also keep a tin of peppermints on hand and suck on those when my stomach was feeling a bit upset.  It probably was a bit compulsive, but it never got excessive enough for me to worry about it.  I don't even do that anymore.  I do still occasionally use pepto-bismol pills.  Not sure if they have that over in the UK, but its a bismuth based medication for treating nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach and diarrhea.  These days I use it mostly when I misjudge how much lactose I can consume at a time (I became lactose intolerant starting about 8 years ago) but that's a problem for the ahem, other end of my body :). I definitely don't look forward to the day when I get sick again, I'm sure it will happen eventually, and I would imagine it'll be a bigger deal to me than a non-emetophobe.  But I also feel confident that it won't be a disaster either.  it'll just suck.  And then I'll clean myself up and get on with my life.  And if it bothers me more than it should, well I'll just do my best to deal with it using the CBT I've learned.  Honestly its not something I really think about much.

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7 hours ago, dksea said:

Well I'm not sure if this will help or hurt, but I figure its best to be honest!  I actually haven't thrown up in gosh, maybe 25 years now?  The downside of that admission is you are probably thinking "see! It can be avoided!".  But keep in mind, I haven't engaged in remotely any of the behaviors you have.  I wash my hands after using the toilet and usually before eating, but not always.  I don't particularly avoid things outside of what a non-OCD person would avoid touching etc.  I can't say I ever even consider the odds of catching Noro-virus when I do anything.  Early on I struggled when a TV show or movie or book would reference or show a situation where someone was sick, but now it might only bother me a little bit.  Or not at all.  I have been ill of course over the last 25 years, and its possible that some of those times WERE Noro-virus or something else that could cause an upset stomach.  I don't know necessarily why I haven't thrown up.  Perhaps its partly mind over matter.  Maybe I'd have felt better just "getting it out" as it were and stuck it out feeling less comfortable for longer.  I really can't say.  My emetophobia was more related to travel and motion sickness than illness, I used to avoid busses or planes if at all possible.  I'd also keep a tin of peppermints on hand and suck on those when my stomach was feeling a bit upset.  It probably was a bit compulsive, but it never got excessive enough for me to worry about it.  I don't even do that anymore.  I do still occasionally use pepto-bismol pills.  Not sure if they have that over in the UK, but its a bismuth based medication for treating nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach and diarrhea.  These days I use it mostly when I misjudge how much lactose I can consume at a time (I became lactose intolerant starting about 8 years ago) but that's a problem for the ahem, other end of my body :). I definitely don't look forward to the day when I get sick again, I'm sure it will happen eventually, and I would imagine it'll be a bigger deal to me than a non-emetophobe.  But I also feel confident that it won't be a disaster either.  it'll just suck.  And then I'll clean myself up and get on with my life.  And if it bothers me more than it should, well I'll just do my best to deal with it using the CBT I've learned.  Honestly its not something I really think about much.

That's great to hear that it's not something you spend time worrying about now!! It sounds like you only take Pepto Bismol when you really need it now. Did you used to spend a lot of the time worrying in the past? Also did you have contamination issues related to other obsesssions?

It's funny I'm scared of people being motion sick in the car or on public transport but nowhere near as worried as I am about viral gastroenteritis (e.g. Noro) but the issue is that you cannot always tell why someone is sick so someone throwing up on a train/boat would throw me into panic mode. If someone throws up with known motion sickness then I can get out of the way quickly, put my fingers in my ears and close my eyes and once it's over with, it's over with. If I am close to someone with Norovirus who vomits then not only will I have to cope with that immediate phobic situation but also with the fear (and likelihood) of contracting the infection, which I find absolutely terrifying.

I had some horrendous stomach bugs when I was younger and I think that those alongside traumatic memories (life or death situations with family members) and IBS from Histamine intolerance (apparently I threw-up from this every Friday night as an infant- we probably ate something high in histamine each Friday) has just really messed things up for me! I do have an O+ blood type, which apparently makes you much more susceptible to Norovirus (according to research, not pseudoscience) so I wonder whether if I had caught fewer bugs, I'd not have to struggle with this!

I avoid all the normal Emetophobic related situation (situations where people might experience motion sickness, public toilets, rollercoasters etc.) and then any situation where I could catch a stomach bug- which basically covers most situations in the outside world (shopping, opening letters, using cashpoints, medical appointments (e.g. GP appointments), going to the cinema/theatre, eating sandwiches, handling shoes and coats, visiting friends/family etc.). It's a bit of a double whammy. 

You are right that I need to challenge the way that I think of vomiting and of stomach bugs from disastrous and catastrophic to just part of everyday life- I'm just not really sure how?

 

 

Edited by BelAnna
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Just now, gingerbreadgirl said:

Hi belanna

What is it that scares you so much about vomiting? X 

Hi Gingerbreadgirl,

I actually think it's the nausea, intense stomach cramps and feeling of being completely overwhelmed by and controlled by the motion of being sick. I'm more frightened of viral vomiting/food poisoning than of travel sickness because the way that you feel with viral vomiting is so different/so much worse. 

I almost cannot understand why other people aren't phobic! xx

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Don't get me wrong vomiting isn't the best experience but there are lots of other experiences that are pretty bad too that you don't spend every waking minute trying to prevent. A bug lasts for what - a day or two? Every few years at most? I'd take that over the misery of ocd! 

I used to feel like this about burglary I used to think everyone else was careless or even stupid. I went to extreme lengths to try and prevent it. Now I don't. Has my risk of being burgled gone up? Maybe a little. And if I was burgled it would be awful. But I'll happily take that risk to not feel anxious about it. 

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9 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

Don't get me wrong vomiting isn't the best experience but there are lots of other experiences that are pretty bad too that you don't spend every waking minute trying to prevent. A bug lasts for what - a day or two? Every few years at most? I'd take that over the misery of ocd! 

I used to feel like this about burglary I used to think everyone else was careless or even stupid. I went to extreme lengths to try and prevent it. Now I don't. Has my risk of being burgled gone up? Maybe a little. And if I was burgled it would be awful. But I'll happily take that risk to not feel anxious about it. 

Thanks Gingerbreadgirl, that does help! I just need to change my thinking about this. It's so deeply ingrained as I've had Emetophobia since I was 7 that I need to change how I see the world so that I see objects (at the moment if someone else has handled an object then it's 'unsafe'); food (which I usually class as 'safe' (bread) and 'unsafe' (meat, seafood, eggs, fruit),and people (at the moment I fear other people's germs, particularly if they don't wash their hands) in a new way!

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