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Lost my temper for 2 seconds


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Hi all. 

It's been a while since I've been here, because things have been going okish for the last couple of months. Except this one thing that happened last week that's still stays with me and I do t know what to do with it. 

I went to change my son's diaper, who now is 10 months old and he is a absolute angel. But at this one moment he kept turning and complaining and just making it impossible for me to change his diaper. I kept rolling him back to his back until I suddenly lost my temper a bit and rolled him back in a more rougher abmnd faster way while speaking out his name loudly. This scared me and I immediately changed my demeanor and went on in a more loving state. 

Ever since that has happened I'm afraid I might have hurt him, caused him some trauma, or anything like that. Although he does not reacts any different to me now and stil hugs me gives me kisses I feel like I did something horrible. I feel like the worst dad in this world. 

 

Does anyone got any advice for me how to get past this thing? I love my son to bits and would do litterly everything for him. 

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2 hours ago, paradoxer said:

I don't doubt for a second you love your son to bits. Want to "do literally' everything for him'? Don't let his dad jump to OCD's tune . 

Wishing you the best. 

Well, its hard not to listen to the ocd. Everytime i think of him or see his picture i feel so much love but also guilt. I cant think of him without feeling the guilt aswell.

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Hi Ironborn :)

I think you need to apply some self-compassion to this situation. Lots of parents will experience this, some might admit it others won't, but you didn't like it either and regret it, that's it, it's done. Further punishment of yourself is completely unnecessary. Look after yourself so you can look after your son. Forgive yourself :)

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1 hour ago, Ironborn said:

Well, its hard not to listen to the ocd. Everytime i think of him or see his picture i feel so much love but also guilt. I cant think of him without feeling the guilt aswell.

Well, it's your call, when OCD says jump you can always reply 'how high?' - if you like.  I'd also say that that that hyperbolic super-injected 'guilt' is essentially OCD doing its thing. Real guilt never feels as bad as OCD's simulacrum of the same. Best response to help you be the good dad you want to be? Move on. 

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2 hours ago, paradoxer said:

Well, it's your call, when OCD says jump you can always reply 'how high?' - if you like.  I'd also say that that that hyperbolic super-injected 'guilt' is essentially OCD doing its thing. Real guilt never feels as bad as OCD's simulacrum of the same. Best response to help you be the good dad you want to be? Move on. 

But how can it be my call to feel this guilty everytime i see or think of him?

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3 minutes ago, Ironborn said:

I just don't know how to come back from abusing my son. I want to forget it ever happened. 

Hi ironborn 

I've noticed that you've come on the forum from time to time for quite a long time now. Every time you do, you feel it is the worst thing in the world - you get some reassurance, then disappear only to come back when the next thing pops up.

It seems that you never stand back and see the pattern for what it is (which is understandable, we've all been there). 

You will always have recurrences of ocd until you break this cycle of compulsions. 

Edited by gingerbreadgirl
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11 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

Hi ironborn 

I've noticed that you've come on the forum from time to time for quite a long time now. Every time you do, you feel it is the worst thing in the world - you get some reassurance, then disappear only to come back when the next thing pops up.

It seems that you never stand back and see the pattern for what it is (which is understandable, we've all been there). 

You will always have recurrences of ocd until you break this cycle of compulsions. 

You are absolutely right. I do have very good periods where I seem to be able to fend off ocd quite easy and with alot of confidence. But some topics somehow get stuck on me like a parasite which makes me feel out of control and in a direct sense of needing to take action upon them. That is when I come here. At first I read and surf the topics and posts here and I know I should not make a thread, but every time it happens because it feels like a quick fix. 

Edited by Ironborn
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