Feeling very anxious and in need of support

[BelAnna]

Hi All,

I'm struggling at the moment. I have two major worries at the moment and I'm not sure whether they are OCD related or not really! 

The first is that my Mum keeps getting out of breath (it seems like this is getting progressively worse) and has crackle-like noises coming from her chest when she leans back. I am very scared that she might have secondary lung cancer. I have been asking her to go to the GP since June. Even when she does make an appointment she won't get one for a whole month and if it is cancer then that's a long time to wait.

The second is that I've discovered Death Cap mushrooms on the flower bed in our garden. There are two fully grown ones and 10+ caps (they grow quickly). I have a lovely dog who I worry about a lot and although she only goes into the garden on a lead to do her business each day I am very scared that she might eat part of one. (It would only take half a cap or half a full mushroom to be fatally toxic and there's no remedy). I know that we should remove them from the garden but that in itself will cause immense anxiety so at the moment I have a line of chairs to indicate the area of the garden to be avoided and I go and check the grass each day to make sure they are confined to the flower beds. 

Basically I am spending a lot of time worrying that I will lose my Mum and/or my dog and have other OCD thoughts related to these worries. The problem is that there is some logical basis to each of the worries and I really don't know what to do! 

Edited October 21, 2019 by BelAnna

[Transformer]

Hi BelAnna,

I think it's hard to give you good advice without knowing your situation and OCD history in more details.

Somehow your comment reminded me off this little youtube clip someone forwarded me a while back and I've attached it here just for fun. But of course it's not so simple in reality than what is presendted in it. My point is if there is an issue as in an immediate threat and you can do something about it, you should do it. This is what the fight or flight responses were made for initially, to deal with real threaths.

I have no knowledge about poisonous mushrooms, but it seems clear to me that if it is really dangerous, you have to get rid of it. I would really not consider this being a compulsion, but solving an issue. Btw. how can you be sure that it is really this death cab mushroom and not some harmless one? I was looking at a mushroom book recently and there are many hundret different types in Europe and many look so similar. Also you know that you have to get rid of them eventually. So postponing it seems the wrong thing for me. By going to check every day you may be creating a new compulsion. It may be needed to take out more than just the mushrooms itself but the surrounding earth. So I would ask someone who has experience with it to do it.

The thing with your mushroom and your mum worry is that it's both related to losing someone or something important to you. Is this generally what you're worrying about? Losing things? You know OCD picks things which you're vulneralbe about. In the end it's always about accepting uncertainty. You can never be certain what will happen to the people and things you love, nor yourself. So if this is a one time thing and you have not been sending your mum or other friends to the doctor on regular basis, than I would assume you have an appropriate worry based you observations and your mum should see a doctor.

OCD also tricks you to make you believe that your worries are justified. But often I find that in the heart of hearts i know if a worry is obsessive or not. Alone the fact that I ruminate about it for long time, is a clue. If I know the worry is reasonable I would not ruminate about it for so long but do the thing to prevent it. like when you see a nail on the floor and you may worry to step on it, you will not think about it for long time but just pick it up and the matter is done. However if you keep on searching for nails everywhere you walk, than i think it is clear that your obsessing.

All the best

T

 

 

Edited October 21, 2019 by Transformer

[BelAnna]

Thank you Transformer! 

It's really difficult with these concerns/worries as I think that they are real worries but my family think that it is mostly OCD. 

The mushrooms are definitely Amanitas and they definitely looks like the death cap variety. I am too scared to get rid of them and they seem to be isolated to the flower beds so I've partitioned the garden so that my dog can be taken out on the lead and kept away from them. I do keep checking every morning but I don't really think it's OCD. However it looks like she may have eaten something on the grass just now and I'm now really anxious about it, especially as her mouth seemed to water but that might be because she was kept on a short lead and pulled up when she tried to sniff the grass.

My Mum's cough is a constant worry and I do keep asking her to visit the GP. I don't generally ask family members to visit the GP at all so I think that this is reasonable but it is making me very anxious.

I am very scared of losing my Mum and/or my dog definitely. I don't have much else in my life (no boyfriend/husband, or close friends etc.) so they are probably the most important things in my life at the moment and everything in my life/future feels very uncertain just now. I do need to accept that I have limited control over what happens and just let things be but it's difficult! 

I will take a look at that video- thank you! 

Thank you for your help and support!

[Closed for repairs]

Well based on what everyone else would do about it...

I think stopping your dog getting at them is sensible, and then see if you can get some one to help you remove them.

The danger seems to be people and animals accidentally eating them, and I suspect, (and would be delighted to be wrong), you are not into foraging for wild plants and fungi.

As to how to get rid of them, 

Dunno, if you can Google without disappearing down a rabbit hole, see what problems touching them causes.

(You seem to know about about them already).

I'm sure this is starting to sound a bit like reassurance, and neutralising behaviour, but you are allowed to take reasonable precautions, I'm sure you will recognise when you are going over the top, that's when you have to step back and slow down.

[Closed for repairs]

As for your Mum,

She's a grown up....

But grown ups can be stupid and stubborn.

It's probably just a cough but it's not unreasonable to have a persistent cough checked out 

What would she do if you had a nasty persistent cough...

She's your mum you are allowed to be worried about your mum, and it won't hurt to nag her a bit, and also support her.

I'd nag my mum, and no doubt get an earful about minding my business, but I'd still do it.

What. I'd try not to do would be to let it fill my every waking thought.

You can't kidnap her and force her to go to the doctor.

Edited October 24, 2019 by Closed for repairs

[BelAnna]

2 hours ago, Closed for repairs said:

Well based on what everyone else would do about it...

I think stopping your dog getting at them is sensible, and then see if you can get some one to help you remove them.

The danger seems to be people and animals accidentally eating them, and I suspect, (and would be delighted to be wrong), you are not into foraging for wild plants and fungi.

As to how to get rid of them, 

Dunno, if you can Google without disappearing down a rabbit hole, see what problems touching them causes.

(You seem to know about about them already).

I'm sure this is starting to sound a bit like reassurance, and neutralising behaviour, but you are allowed to take reasonable precautions, I'm sure you will recognise when you are going over the top, that's when you have to step back and slow down.

Thanks Closedforrepairs! I think we probably do have to work out how to remove them and remove the mycelium that they stem from but the thought is just so overwhelming. I did google mushroom removal earlier but felt such overwhelming fear about it. 

Someone who wasn't so scared would probably wear some disposable gloves, pick them up, bag them and dispose of them. They'd then attempt to remove the vegetation (bits of old plant matter/twigs and stuff) and somehow dry out the soil to produce less favourable environment for the growth of mushrooms. My problem is that I'm worried that we might drop small sections of mushroom on the lawn when removing them or when removing the old twigs and leaves that are there. Also there are a lot of mushroom caps of immature mushrooms and I wouldn't want to walk on them and spread sections around the area. The mushrooms might die out in December if it gets very cold (they thrive from August to November but do sometimes live for longer) so I don't know whether to just wait it out and check the (hopefully!) safer side of the garden each day. 

I'm going to ask my Mum to make an appointment tomorrow. Last Sunday I convinced myself that she definitely has secondary cancer and felt so distressed about it and a bit like I was living in a nightmare state. I think this could just be OCD-related catastrophizing but it would still be sensible for her to see the GP. It's the combination of a crackling sound in her breathing when she leans back, the cough and her raised lymph nodes that are making me feel so anxious. I really hope I'm putting 2 + 2 together and making 5! 

Thanks so much for your replies and support

 

 

 

 

 

Edited October 24, 2019 by BelAnna

[BelAnna]

Hi guys,

Just to update- my Mum seems to be even more breathless and has made an appointment to see the GP tomorrow- she'll hopefully see a specialist within two weeks but I am so scared! I'm really hoping that I'm just jumping to conclusions and that it's not secondary lung cancer or something else horrible.

Edited October 31, 2019 by BelAnna

[leif]

Hi BelAnna, 

Sorry you are having a rough time. That is good that your mum has made the appointment. I know how worrying it can be when loved ones are sick and it can be easy for us to jump to worst case scenarios. I hope the appointment goes well and that your mind will soon be put at ease.

Wishing you and your mum well.

[BelAnna]

2 hours ago, leif said:

Hi BelAnna, 

Sorry you are having a rough time. That is good that your mum has made the appointment. I know how worrying it can be when loved ones are sick and it can be easy for us to jump to worst case scenarios. I hope the appointment goes well and that your mind will soon be put at ease.

Wishing you and your mum well.

Thank you Leif! I really hope I'm just catastrophising but I've been trying to think about alternative diagnoses that she might be given but none of them seem to fit but I need to remind myself that I'm not a doctor!

Thanks again!

 

[leif]

22 hours ago, BelAnna said:

Thank you Leif! I really hope I'm just catastrophising but I've been trying to think about alternative diagnoses that she might be given but none of them seem to fit but I need to remind myself that I'm not a doctor!

Thanks again!

 

Hi BelAnna,

Just wondering how your mum's appointment went and how you are doing?