Constant need to "figure out"

[jlmdfem]

Hi

I'm a 23 year old girl suffering with POCD and have been since I was 17. I have been doing a lot better but I had a notification a few days ago about someone commenting on a post i'd put on a mental health website where I'd tried to explain what I was thinking and feeling when I first started having OCD thoughts but didn't know it was OCD so was asking the question "does this make me a paedophile". Bear in mind this is from 6 years ago and I never have or will do ANYTHING to harm a child it is my worst nightmare!! Some people had commented, one saying I should stay away from children until I had it sorted and another saying it was OCD. The most recent one is what has triggered me, it said that "just because you're only thinking it how do you know you won't do it" and it's really freaked me out. I KNOW I will never act on them, my fear is that "do I want to?" question that goes round and round my head  My fear is that I want to molest young boys, I can't look at a child and whenever I'm near them on the street or in public i try to move away or I move my hands as I'm so anxious. My brain goes into overdrive with all these awful images and I just want to sit on my own and figure out what's going on. even though I know you can't "figure out" these thoughts. I feel so so guilty whenever I'm around them because of these thoughts and I think like is this what paedophiles think?! Right now I'm sat trying not to "figure them out" or get to the bottom of them but i feel so horribly anxious and guilty and just like a disgusting monster. Does anyone have any tips on trying to ride out the anxiety without seeking reassurance? As I feel like that's what I'm doing right now. My therapist said I need to look at the thoughts mindfully, but I don't know how to do that, again does anyone have any tips on that?

I keep thinking I've got a handle of it but something comes along and throws me off course, really struggling to cope at the moment so any tips would be greatly appreciated.

J x

[PolarBear]

Hey.

The only people telling you to not be around kids, etc., don't know OCD. It's unhrlpful. Then again, telling you it's OCD repeatedly isn't helpful either.

This is all about you responding to the thoughts. You've been responding by doing compulsions, like ruminating and avoiding kids. All that does is add fuel to the OCD engine.

Your therapist should be explaining to you how to treat the thoughts mindfully. In essence, it means allowing them to be there and doing anything about it. There are whole books written on the subject.

 

[Gemma7]

Hi J

I agree with PolarBear, people who don't understand OCD are likely to both say the wrong things and give the wrong advice, so best to ignore what it is they said and chalk it up as uninformed. 

I'm confused by your therapist saying you should treat thoughts mindfully without any instruction on what that entails. My advice would be to ask them how to do that and what the purpose of that is. It's not enough to ignore thoughts when it comes to OCD therapy, you need practical solutions and new ways of thinking. 

Are you doing theory A/B type behavioural experiments, is your therapist giving you homework?