The willpower myth

[Needles]

I've been thinking on this recently, and realised how ridiculous it has been of me to think, for so long, that I should just be able to "get over" this with "willpower."

I wondered if that in itself was the disorder talking. Because it's not rational. I've had this horrible paraphilic disorder my whole life, worsening significantly in behavioural terms in my 30's. This has destroyed my life and any sense of self-worth for decades. If I was capable of "just stopping" by willpower alone, I would have done so. That I couldn't, even though I wanted to, obviously indicates that it's not possible to control the disorder based on willpower alone. Simple.

Has anyone else experienced this? How did you come to realise that willpower is irrelevant to controlling symptoms? I think it has been quite helpful in a way. I don't have to hate myself for being weak-willed anymore because I can't control the severity of the disorder without intervention, because it's not possible to do so.

[Angst]

I think willpower is helpful if you have support. For example when stopping smoking going to a supportive clinic can help as well as taking nicotine replacement products.  I remember buying some replacement products at a pharmacy once and a woman sneered at me and said ‘I didn’t need no gum’. We have politicians saying ‘man up’ to their opponents. Be strong. Be wilful.  My last therapist said to me that other people do things that I was unable to do.  But people vary in their addiction to nicotine and sometimes people are unable to do things because of an illness. The therapist set no homework. I had three sessions. Are you getting good support?

[paradoxer]

Don't knock willpower (I think no one here would claim it alone is enough). Being ready to suffer in the short term (to implement tools), to suffer less in the long term ... takes willpower. 

[Needles]

I'm not saying willpower is a useless attribute in general. Being committed to changing and getting treatment is important. But that to assume you can control severe OCD symptoms with willpower alone (no medication, no additional therapies, no support or intervention of any kind) is unreasonable. That's what I thought for a long time. That I should just be able to stop this and resolve it by my will alone, and if I didn't I was weak and it was my fault.

Though it's likely that paraphilic disorder has an OCD influence, no one wants to give support to people who have this. If you have a sexual problem you're just a pervert, not worth helping.

Unfortunately I feel the same way at times.

[malina]

Hi Needles,

I get what you're saying, when my OCD got bad and I had to get treatment, I also just tried to "will" these thoughts away, to force myself to feel better and it just didn't work. I too felt really badly about this because I felt like I was weak and unable to control my own mind. However, I think that for people like us willpower comes in a different way, it's more in the long term of managing to live day in, day out with this disorder and being committed to change and treatment. When I think about it, in some ways we have more willpower than many people without disorders such as these, because we manage to get through life with a massive additional burden.

7 minutes ago, Needles said:

But that to assume you can control severe OCD symptoms with willpower alone (no medication, no additional therapies, no support or intervention of any kind) is unreasonable.

Yes, that is completely unreasonable because OCD is an illness. That's like someone breaking their leg and expecting to be able to walk without crutches or any support. 

[dksea]

On 03/11/2019 at 23:46, Needles said:

I've been thinking on this recently, and realised how ridiculous it has been of me to think, for so long, that I should just be able to "get over" this with "willpower."

Yup, anyone who thinks you just need "willpower" to get over a mental illness is the REAL crazy person in the conversation.

We don't apply it to other areas of our life.  
"Oh, I'm having trouble breathing because of my asthma." "Tough it up!"
"Oh, I'm having trouble because my leg is broken." "Get over it!"
"Oh I'm having trouble because a flood washed away my house and everything in it." "Just use your will power!"

I mean it doesn't even apply to bad situations like that.  Say you want to build a new house.  You know what you need? A PLAN!  You know what happens when you try to build a house with willpower alone and no plan?  You get a pile of lumber.  

That said, I don't think you can dismiss willpower as part of the recovery equation:

On 03/11/2019 at 23:46, Needles said:

How did you come to realise that willpower is irrelevant to controlling symptoms?

21 hours ago, Needles said:

But that to assume you can control severe OCD symptoms with willpower alone (no medication, no additional therapies, no support or intervention of any kind) is unreasonable. That's what I thought for a long time. That I should just be able to stop this and resolve it by my will alone, and if I didn't I was weak and it was my fault.

Now I think you've got it, willpower ALONE isn't enough, you need more than that, you need a plan on when/where/how to APPLY that willpower.  Put a car in neutral, take off the parking break and stand next to it.  Ok now try pushing it.  Its not going anywhere right?  Because you are pushing sideways on the tires.  BUT if you move behind the car and try pushing, NOW this big heavy object starts moving.  Applying "willpower" without a plan is like that.  Odds are you aren't going to get randomly lucky and apply willpower to OCD in the exact right away to recover. You can push and push and push, but if you are pushing in the wrong place you'll go nowhere.  Once you find the right place, well it might not go as fast as you like, but at least you can start things moving.  CBT helps you do that, medication can help you do that.  You still have to supply the effort, but at least it won't be wasted, pointless effort.  It'll be productive effort.