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Not sure if this is the right place to post this (sorry)


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Hi and thanks for reading. I know that I’ve tried a few of your patience’s over the past with what you would consider to be my resistance to acknowledge the OCD elephant in the room. I know it’s a pain for you to say the same things over and over again to someone that won’t seemingly listen and all. Just so you know, I do listen. I always listen to you but sometimes listening, recognising, understanding and then doing are two different things. I won’t lie to you. Sometimes they abrupt nature in which you have said things to me to get the point across has at times been hard to hear and have upset me. As much to the point that I’ve found it difficult to come on here and talk because I’ve been worried about what would be said. 
 

At the moment though, I’m going through a bad time. I’ve actually had a drug change of late from one antipsychotic to another and as a lot of you will probably know that changing from one to the other isn’t the simplest thing. I had a lot of discontinuation symptoms, felt very ill for quite a while and I was worried that it wouldn’t end. Obviously it did but I don’t think the OCD has improved since the change so I’m wondering what was the point in it all. The OCD itself is OK. I’m doing a lot of compulsions still despite getting very angry with myself. One of my biggest areas is walking through the kitchen worrying about my elbows touching dirty plates or bumping into the bin. It doesn’t help that I’m obese so that I will have a tendency to bump into things even though my mum says I’m not as big as I imagine that I am. Then there is the usual toilet related anxieties. I find myself not actually wanting to go to the toilet now so I don’t have to worry about wiping myself. My psychiatrist is also worried about my sex drive because I haven’t done anything sexual in nature for a long long time now but to be honest most of it is just a cleanliness thing. 

I’m very lonely at the moment and have been using Twitter as a bit of a crutch to try and get any human contact. Going out is very difficult because of health issues which means I need someone with me but that also means meeting anyone new is quite hard to achieve too especially when you are with your Mum or Dad. 
 

While I’ve actually been diagnosed with Major Depressive disorder and generalised anxiety in addition to OCD, I actually think that I might be bipolar. I feel like I do have manic out of control phases where I want to change everything especially when I’m trying to make myself feel better but obviously it never works. I think the crux of the matter is that I’m just very lonely and sad at the moment. I desperately want human contact, female especially but you know. It’s always just me.  I just feel like such a weirdo and a loser. 
 

Anyway, enough of a rant from me. Take care. 

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Dave, you are dealing with much more than OCD. Very much like I was. It's a complex problem that I don't believe will have an easy solution.

Your symptoms upon switching meds aren't odd. These things happen. Whether they do you any good only time will tell. Not everyone sees a great reduction in OCD symptoms on meds. Overall, they usually help with the amount of anxiety you experience.

Look, it's taken you years to get to the negative place you are in. Change is going to be slow and take lots of time. Little steps. The biggest thing is you need to push yourself forward, every day. That means taking the plunge and doing things that scare you. Little bits at a time.

Upon little successes you build momentum and courage that eggs you on to change even more things. At first it won't seem like much is happening but slowly things will get better. 

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