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Confess or not? Seriously...


Guest Paul92

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I'd like some genuine opinions here, please.

I've been battling intrusive thoughts around my girlfriend's sister for weeks. It's the whole, "don't think anything sexually about her because you know it would break your girlfriend's heart if she knew, you'd have to confess".

This morning I was in bed and I was batting away intrusive thoughts. Thoughts like of her sister coming on to me etc. How would I feel etc. Everything I DON'T want to think.

Sometimes I think things just to test myself. Also I think things because you don't want to. Like I'd imagine something just to see how I'd feel.

I worked myself up into such a state and I worry whether for a split second I actually felt aroused or have a genuine thought about her sister. Like seriously, for a split second, I worry that I was aroused by one of the thoughts or scenarios coming into my head. And then I'd wonder whether I was thinking something to actually test myself or whether it was a genuine thought that I just wanted to think.

Ultimately, at one point I started thinking to myself, "I did it but guys think all sorts of things like that". I think maybe it was a new way of my trying to not get bogged down with it, hoping it would fade.

In my head it feels as though for a split second I was aroused or enjoyed it or actually thought it. Like seriously, a split second.

It's just so confusing. It's like a real battle not thinking something, then thinking something, wondering what my intentions were etc.

I want to make it clear that I am really not attracted to her sister. Not at all. I'm not saying she's ugly, and I'm not being judgemental, but really, she's not for me. Occasionally, I might have thought that she looked better than usual, but I think that is my brain just latching onto her hair or whatever, and there are certain features that are similar to my girlfriend's, who I am insanely attracted to.

My head feels as though I definitely, for a couple of split seconds, thought something inappropriate or liked it or something. I don't know exactly.

But if I did, I'd have to tell her right? I mean, how would I expect a girl to just stay with someone who has had an inappropriate thought about her sister! I could tell her that I have no interest in her whatsoever, but surely, it is always going to plant seeds or whatever. But I absolutely swear I don't have any interest in her. My GF is the love of my life, that's a fact.

Is it unreasonable to just leave it a few days to see if the anxiety fades? Or should I just be honest and tell her? How would you feel if you was my GF?

I know I'm posting a lot lately, it's just so hard at the moment. Today has been so tough. Sometimes I really just want to end everything because I am sick of the battle every single moment of every single day.

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