Stern chat with myself!

[Closed for repairs]

Just to be clear,

I'm not after reassurance,

This is by way of giving myself a good talking to, and I'm putting it here so I can't pretend it never happened.

So I'm minding my own business, when I see a few paper tissues on the stairs, it's wet the stairs are slippy so I think, " better pick those up, or someone will slip"

Yes I know, going down the rabbit hole, but I haven't got to the punchline...

Anyway the only bin I can find is outside one of those letter box types, so I chuckled the tissues in.

And then.....

I don't know what I was thinking, but I had to check that there was nothing in the tissues...

And I knew there wasn't cos they were flat and newish.

Do I got my arm and in the hole and got my face down to see and started to retrieve the tissues...

Phone rings put it on speaker on top of the bin.

There are more tissues in the bin than I put in, so I have to check them all, whilst having a conversation with a work colleague. He's worried about being on speaker, and I have to tell him, "trust me no one is taking notice of the phone call"

Ive got to the stage were some of this stuff is do automatic I don't know why I'm doing it.

Its got to stop.

I'm going to try and work up a Hirachy of fear to work on it.

One thing no one says about OCD ... The admins a nightmare!

 

[paradoxer]

And a terrible time waster - life is only so long. BTW nothing wrong with venting!

[paradoxer]

7 hours ago, Closed for repairs said:

Just to be clear,

I'm not after reassurance,

This is by way of giving myself a good talking to, and I'm putting it here so I can't pretend it never happened.

So I'm minding my own business, when I see a few paper tissues on the stairs, it's wet the stairs are slippy so I think, " better pick those up, or someone will slip"

Yes I know, going down the rabbit hole, but I haven't got to the punchline...

Anyway the only bin I can find is outside one of those letter box types, so I chuckled the tissues in.

And then.....

I don't know what I was thinking, but I had to check that there was nothing in the tissues...

And I knew there wasn't cos they were flat and newish.

Do I got my arm and in the hole and got my face down to see and started to retrieve the tissues...

Phone rings put it on speaker on top of the bin.

There are more tissues in the bin than I put in, so I have to check them all, whilst having a conversation with a work colleague. He's worried about being on speaker, and I have to tell him, "trust me no one is taking notice of the phone call"

Ive got to the stage were some of this stuff is do automatic I don't know why I'm doing it.

Its got to stop.

I'm going to try and work up a Hirachy of fear to work on it.

One thing no one says about OCD ... The admins a nightmare!

 

Reply posted. 

[Closed for repairs]

Thanks for the reply,

I seem to be developing a nasty little problem with throwing things away,  not hoarding as such (I’m prone to that too), but the actual act of making sure stuff gets thrown away “right”.

Im going to do some work on this. Some  exposure work and some AB comparison stuff. At least it’s nice and simple, 

[malina]

Hey @Closed for repairs it's good that you realise this has to stop! Last night I found myself in the same situation, I have worries about self harm and am really anxious being at home alone and yesterday my partner was out and I was supposed to meet a friend but felt really sick and had to cancel, but then decided to take a walk and kill time before going home, so I wouldn't have to be alone. All of the usual "logic" was there, I was trying to justify that walking around in the freezing cold would somehow be good for my booming headache. At the end of it, as I started feeling worse and worse, I had the same thought as you did - this has got to stop! I went home in the end but really should have done so an hour or 2 earlier. I think these moments of realisation are good, they make us see how far our OCD has pushed us and how our behaviour is so illogical and harmful, we think we are doing the right thing and protecting ourselves but it's only making everything worse. Good luck working on this problem, I am going to do the same with mine and we can both know that we are not alone in this  

[gingerbreadgirl]

I think you have a great attitude closed for repairs. Stick at it and you will get there x 

[Closed for repairs]

2 hours ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

I think you have a great attitude closed for repairs. Stick at it and you will get there x 

Thanks,

I have a great attitude when I'm ok, trouble is I need to have it when I'm not.

Then I'm a blubbering wreck begging for reassurance, and doing compulsions...compulsing?

2 hours ago, malina said:

Good luck working on this problem, I am going to do the same with mine and we can both know that we are not alone in this

Thanks Malina, Gingerbreadgirl, Paradoxer,

I really appreciate the support

 

[malina]

24 minutes ago, Closed for repairs said:

Thanks,

I have a great attitude when I'm ok, trouble is I need to have it when I'm not.

Then I'm a blubbering wreck begging for reassurance, and doing compulsions...compulsing?

 

So are all of us! In those moments, I think the trick is to have a bit of blind faith and just keep going regardless

[paradoxer]

5 hours ago, Closed for repairs said:

Thanks,

I have a great attitude when I'm ok, trouble is I need to have it when I'm not.

Then I'm a blubbering wreck begging for reassurance, and doing compulsions...compulsing?

Thanks Malina, Gingerbreadgirl, Paradoxer,

I really appreciate the support

 

That sudden 'irresistible' urge to perform a compulsion ... particularly re the physical ones, I compare it to a giant rubber band catapulting the misguided sufferer into foolish action. Yes, it can be hard to resist. You just have to cut that rubber band, let it fall to the floor.