Stopping a compulsion whilst in the middle of it..?

[BM94]

Hey all,

So I've been doing so much better lately by stopping as many compulsions as possible, and it's been great so far! Still mentally sticky and a long way to go but yeah, looking positive.

Just a quick one though, any ideas what to do when in this situation:

I got to my workplace just now and saw someone's water bottle sat on the desk I use, very much in the way. Of course, the scary thoughts of deliberately contaminating that bottle with harmful substances sprung right into my mind... I'm always amazed at the super friendly thoughts OCD gives me... (I've found sarcasm kills OCD too :'D)

But basically, the bottle really needed moving because it wasn't supposed to be there, it was an obstruction and was near electrical stuff. So I picked it up and put it under the desk as there's this little shelf. I was like "nahh it's still near electrical stuff so I need to move it again" - (that was just me being thick more than anything). So I moved it to these shelves by the lockers nearby because it's safer there - I felt like this was all a compulsive act because I just didn't feel happy about it. I've seen this bottle regularly so I took a pic of it and sent to my manager asking if it was hers - this I know was a compulsion because I knew finding out who it belonged to would make me want to be sure they were OK in a few days time. She said it belonged to her client and just to leave it behind desk. So I then emptied it out and put it under the desk again - there's no water in it now so no risk near electrics.

I feel like this was "normal" behaviour mixed up with compulsions, does that make sense? It has left me feeling a little unsure but I've got no real anxiety (meaning it's not a matter of life and death to take the bottle home and wash it in scalding water a million times etc etc), and the bottle is right here under my desk and there's nothing I feel I need to do with it from this point. This is a great thing I know but I have nagging doubt there in my head right now and worry it'll turn into full blown anxiety when I leave it there for the client to pick up.

My question is, when you feel like "normal" behaviour could turn into a compulsion because a thought pops in, do you just stop doing whatever you're doing or carry on with the "normal" objective in mind as the end result??? Please let me know if you need me to clarify haha!

Many thanks

B

 

[PolarBear]

You did okay but, as far as I can tell, there was no reason to empty the bottle. 

Edited November 21, 2019 by PolarBear

[BM94]

57 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

You did okay but, as far as I can tell, there was no reason to empty the bottle.

You're right, it was a compulsion to do that. I was telling myself it was because I was being safer leaving it near electrical stuff when emptied. The main drive though was the harmful thoughts and emptying it out felt more comfortable. 

That's what I mean though it could be seen as sensible to empty bottle out and leave it by plugs/sockets etc, or it could be seen as my way of feeling more comfortable after a harmful thought popped in. This time I'm going to go for the latter.... muppet!

 

[dksea]

@BM94  I agree you did pretty well.  Sounds like you managed to avoid any significant compulsions, just a few instances as you have noted.  Overall I think the best thing to do is not to put much thought in to it at this point, analyzing the situation too much is itself a compulsion.  But I also get that you want to use this as a learning experience (hence your question), and thats fair too.  After awhile stuck in OCD mode it can be challenging to recognize what "reasonable" behavior is, so its ok to ask questions like this from time to time.

In this type of situation, here's what I would do.  I'd move the water bottle off my desk and put it somewhere thats not in the way of someone else, but is still visible so if someone comes looking for it they can find it.  A shelf, a table, an unoccupied desk, etc. (it'll depend on your office situation obviously).  I think its also find to send out a quick e-mail/IM to say "hey I found this water bottle at my desk in case someone is missing theirs".  Thats about it.  Ideally its something you would do in a matter of seconds at most, without really putting much thought in to it other than "oh this is in my way, I'm going to move it".

As long as the bottle had a lid on it I wouldn't even think twice about putting it near an outlet or plug or anything, the risk of any electrical issues is minuscule at best.  If you are in the sort of situation where thats a huge deal I would imagine there would be rules about having liquids in the area to begin with.  I definitely wouldn't bother to empty it out, though doing so isn't really that big a deal either.

Regarding the larger question, what do you do if you catch yourself mid compulsion?  I'd say the best thing you can do is to just stop the compulsive behavior and leave it unfinished.  Thats also probably going to be the most stressful, but its the exact opposite of what OCD wants.  If its not really feasible to stop mid behavior, complete the action as quickly as possible and avoid repeating it.

Finally I would say try not to worry too much about responding "right" to each situation.  Yes its important to reduce/eliminate compulsions, but it can become a secondary compulsion to worry too much about whether or not you are stopping your compulsions correctly   Asking the occasional question like this to clarify "normal" behavior is reasonable in the beginning but as you progress you should be working on learning how to judge "normal" more and more on your own, and "normal" is usually a bit sloppy/imperfect for most people in most situations if you really get down to it (i.e. leaving a water bottle near electronics).

But again, overall not bad work, it sounds like you are trending in the right direction and when it comes to recovery thats how its supposed to be!  Keep up the good work.

[BM94]

Thank you @dksea 

Yes I agree that it is a secondary compulsion to worry over it - I feel though for now at least, worrying about things won't be changing very soon to be quite honest. A huge step forward is me being able to recognise a physical compulsion and actually have the ability to sit with the anxiety when I don't do the compulsion. Definitely winning in that field. Just with the "colourful" variation of the unwanted harmful thoughts I get, it is still frustrating that I get these sorts of thoughts and being OK with them will be the hardest thing.

The best thing for me though this morning, is that I've woken up today feeling fresher and not worrying about that bottle, which is a massive win!

Thanks again

B

[leif]

6 hours ago, BM94 said:

A huge step forward is me being able to recognise a physical compulsion and actually have the ability to sit with the anxiety when I don't do the compulsion. Definitely winning in that field.

That is a huge win--you're right! 

 

6 hours ago, BM94 said:

The best thing for me though this morning, is that I've woken up today feeling fresher and not worrying about that bottle

Excellent! Yes that is the benefit of not giving into our compulsions. The anxiety fades, and we are one step further in our recovery having not done our compulsion. 

Way to go!