POCD relapse

[flashG86]

Hi... I haven't been on here in a few years. I've had three relapses since the last time and this is my third one... I was ok for nearly 2 years but I've recently had a relapse of POCD - horrific thoughts that I'm a paedophile... (I even hate typing that word). Now I've relapsed and I'm in my final year of university and so much other stuff has gone on and I really feel like I'm falling apart. I've had this on and off for 20 years nearly and it's back... At the worst possible time. It's affecting every part of my life, my university work is going down the tubes, it's upsetting my mum and dad which I feel ashamed of. I really don't know what to do. I'm due to start therapy on Tuesday... And im scared he won't see me after the first consultation because I'm in a bad way.  Can anyone here help? Please... I'm so scared now. 

[Lisa davis]

Hi flash, sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment. 

I too have found myself in the midst of a relapse with a similar "theme" to yourself so understand totally how hard this feels right now.

However you have done the right thing in seeking help and it's great that you are having your first therapy session on Tuesday. Please don't worry about what the therapist will think, they have heard many, many things and it's their job to help not judge If it helps, I believe on this site there is an ice breaker form specifically for "harm ocd" that you could give to your therapist? 

Have you thought about speaking to your tutor at uni, or specifically the mental health team there? You don't have to give specifics but it may help you to gain some extra time for assignments with mitigating circumstances perhaps??

Stay strong, you've beat this before, we both have, and we CAN beat it again x

Edited November 24, 2019 by Lisa davis

[Handy]

How would you define “POCD?”

you know it’s not an actual diagnosis from NHS that I know of. 

[paradoxer]

Sorry to hear you're in the trenches. For starters, it might be good to not 'categorize' your OCD as it only ascribes 'importance' to the obsessions, thus helping facilitate the disorder. Your obsessions, regardless of what OCD would tell you, are irrelevant. 

Wishing you the best.