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Feeling very stressed at the moment


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Hi all,

Really wanted to take the opportunity to get the stress that I have off my chest. I feel like I need somewhat of a refresher. Been on Aripiprazole now for about 6/7 weeks which has been pretty hard going over to but starting to come out the other side despite being on a weak dose. My OCD has been somewhat exacerbated since the change over and I find myself doing some things that I haven't done a lot of in a while like washing my hands a lot more than usual. I'm wondering if there are other things that I can do...

One thing I have noticed that the hierarchical system that has been suggested where you rate things by how difficult they are and then take them on one at a time but I find that system difficult because a) there are so many and b) I just don't feel like doing them is not progressing anything. 

I think one of the sheer problems really is the number of different OCD problems from struggling to walk past a dirty walk or a bin to wondering whether I have urine on me. I genuinely don't know for example if everybody pees themself a little after they go for a pee. I always seem to have wet patches and then I spend ages avoiding anything touching my lap. I am constantly aware of anything dirty on the wall or doors and because of my brother there are a lot of stains on the wall from his food or drink that he spills. 

I actually feel like I have to ignore the feeling of worrying about  touching things that I know aren't clean. Like, I know my brother pees, poos and touches himself and doesn't wash his hands and I have to handle the same things. The only other way around it is not touching anything. But feeling that I have touch them makes me sick. I can't even touch my used underwear without washing my hands and panicking and if I touch my privates, I really panic. I can't really touch my privates at all in any way. Or my bottom actually.  It's all a mess and I'm really embarrassed, angry, confused, upset and other feelings. 

Plesse talk to me. 

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A refresher, eh? I'll refresh your memory on what I think is one of the biggest lessons on OCD.

The reason you are having such a tough time is that you react to the thoughts with compulsions. The more compulsions you do,  the more obsessions, anxiety and foubt you experience.

Change the way you think about the thoughts and change your behavior, meaning stopping compulsions, and you starve the disorder.

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Hi dave 

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so stressed :( ocd is so hard. The anxiety you're experiencing is horrible but unfortunately as Pb says the only way out is to reduce and then cut out compulsions. At the moment you're doing a lot. 

Remind me have you had any therapy /are you getting any? Have you read any self help books such as break free from ocd? X 

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The hierarchical approach is not just to rank your compulsions by difficulty although that's part of it but to start with an easy one and break it down into steps.

There seem to be two approaches, one to use it as a way of experimenting with "what if you don't do it?" 

And the other a way to get you used to the anxiety discomfort.

I'm supposed to be doing it the second way...

So I'm working on not checking if I've turned a certain light off.

This is right at the "easy" end of my compulsions.

To that end I've drawn a ladder, with steps I can take to not check.

So 

1 close the door and walk away for 5 minutes. See how I feel.

2 close the door and go to lunch. (Lunch is a distraction).

3 leave it for the afternoon

Sit doing nothing until the anxiety goes down quite a bit the go and do something else.

4 leave it and go home.

Wait till the anxiety goes down then go home with out going back.

5 leave it and go home for the weekend.

And so on .

This all looks good on paper, but there are "admin" problems like it always seems to be raining, and if I'm bored does that mean my anxiety had gone down enough.

And it won't work just like that, you have to keep at it. Like all CBT you are basically trying to learn a new skill, hopefully I can get to the stage where I don't have to think about it, like riding a bike, but it's going to take time, and effort.

This is just what I'm doing it may not work or be suitable for you, and I may be doing it all wrong.

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43 minutes ago, Closed for repairs said:

The hierarchical approach is not just to rank your compulsions by difficulty although that's part of it but to start with an easy one and break it down into steps.

There seem to be two approaches, one to use it as a way of experimenting with "what if you don't do it?" 

And the other a way to get you used to the anxiety discomfort.

I'm supposed to be doing it the second way...

So I'm working on not checking if I've turned a certain light off.

This is right at the "easy" end of my compulsions.

To that end I've drawn a ladder, with steps I can take to not check.

So 

1 close the door and walk away for 5 minutes. See how I feel.

2 close the door and go to lunch. (Lunch is a distraction).

3 leave it for the afternoon

Sit doing nothing until the anxiety goes down quite a bit the go and do something else.

4 leave it and go home.

Wait till the anxiety goes down then go home with out going back.

5 leave it and go home for the weekend.

And so on .

This all looks good on paper, but there are "admin" problems like it always seems to be raining, and if I'm bored does that mean my anxiety had gone down enough.

And it won't work just like that, you have to keep at it. Like all CBT you are basically trying to learn a new skill, hopefully I can get to the stage where I don't have to think about it, like riding a bike, but it's going to take time, and effort.

This is just what I'm doing it may not work or be suitable for you, and I may be doing it all wrong.

I hear what you are saying. For me, because a lot of it is contamination, I find part of the problem is two-fold; there are the times I think I've touched something and there are the times that I know I've touched something contaminated. 

For example, when I'm washing my hands and my hand is near my lap for one second, I'm thinking, did I touch a wet patch. I probably didn't but I wash my hands anyway. I get the best way to get through that is not to wash your hands again.

But then there are the instances where I touch something that could/might not be considered contaminates such touching a door that looks like it has splashes of coke or pasta sauce on them or opening the fridge after my brother has having known full well he has just been to the toilet and not washed his hands (or worse). I figure I have to just suck it up but I'm struggling like crazy over that. My therapist would say something like if I peed a bit on my foot to realise it is just pee and get on with my day without having a shower. 

1 hour ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

Hi dave 

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so stressed :( ocd is so hard. The anxiety you're experiencing is horrible but unfortunately as Pb says the only way out is to reduce and then cut out compulsions. At the moment you're doing a lot. 

Remind me have you had any therapy /are you getting any? Have you read any self help books such as break free from ocd? X 

Hi GBG, yeah I see a therapist regularly but I'm still struggling. I've also read numerous self help books. The problem is that even though they seem related, I don't feel relatable to them all the time. Like I'm just struggling with my judgement.

12 hours ago, PolarBear said:

A refresher, eh? I'll refresh your memory on what I think is one of the biggest lessons on OCD.

The reason you are having such a tough time is that you react to the thoughts with compulsions. The more compulsions you do,  the more obsessions, anxiety and foubt you experience.

Change the way you think about the thoughts and change your behavior, meaning stopping compulsions, and you starve the disorder.

It seems so simple Polar bear but I no longer can trust my own judgement as to when to best act and when not to. Like if I'm getting changed after a shower and my hand brushes my genitals, some people would say so what but I would have to thoroughly wash my hands. Or if I touch a dirty door (which is dirty). I feel like, how dirty does it have to be to care...

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BigDave you have a choice. Be as 'clean' as OCD dictates, or actually live a life. As far as your 'own judgement' goes, rule of thumb means doing the opposite of how you feel. OCD is the biggest contaminant of all - incidentally far more than your unfastidiousness brother. 

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Consider, Dave, that non-OCD prople don't even think the word 'contamination' when it comes to pasta sauce or pee. Think about that. Pee on the floor? They don't look at it and think, "Contamination."

Yet you use the word regularly, as if it's true. It isn't. There is no contamination. It's not nuclear waste.

You treat it as if it's a huge problem and in your mind, it becomes a huge problem. The more you pay attention, the more attention OCD demands of you.

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8 hours ago, PolarBear said:

Consider, Dave, that non-OCD prople don't even think the word 'contamination' when it comes to pasta sauce or pee. Think about that. Pee on the floor? They don't look at it and think, "Contamination."

Yet you use the word regularly, as if it's true. It isn't. There is no contamination. It's not nuclear waste.

You treat it as if it's a huge problem and in your mind, it becomes a huge problem. The more you pay attention, the more attention OCD demands of you.

OK, so pee on the floor might not be a big deal but what if it’s on me. Or what if my brother doesn’t wash his hands after going for a **** or he fiddled with himself and then he is touching all over the house. How do I get over that remotely?

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28 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

Dave, what if he stuck his hand down his pants, then walked around touching things? What if? Again, it's not nuclear waste. 

Your mind is telling you that this is something horrible but it's really not.

I know what you are saying but it isn’t really a matter of what if but when. But I get what you are saying is that in any case it isn’t nuclear waste or anything majorly harmful and I should relax about it (I think) 

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4 hours ago, BigDave said:

OK, so pee on the floor might not be a big deal but what if it’s on me. Or what if my brother doesn’t wash his hands after going for a **** or he fiddled with himself and then he is touching all over the house. How do I get over that remotely?

By changing how you react to it.  By adjusting your behavior if/when it happens.  You don't have to like it, you don't have to enjoy you, but you also don't have to treat it like a nuclear meltdown.  Treat it like its not a big deal and it will start to feel like its not a big deal..

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13 hours ago, paradoxer said:

BigDave you have a choice. Be as 'clean' as OCD dictates, or actually live a life. As far as your 'own judgement' goes, rule of thumb means doing the opposite of how you feel. OCD is the biggest contaminant of all - incidentally far more than your unfastidiousness brother. 

Damn! Unfastidious. 

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13 hours ago, PolarBear said:

Consider, Dave, that non-OCD prople don't even think the word 'contamination' when it comes to pasta sauce or pee. Think about that. Pee on the floor? They don't look at it and think, "Contamination."

Yet you use the word regularly, as if it's true. It isn't. There is no contamination. It's not nuclear waste.

You treat it as if it's a huge problem and in your mind, it becomes a huge problem. The more you pay attention, the more attention OCD demands of you.

It was pretty much on the cards that BD would reply with 'what about other contamination fears' in response to the above. 

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BD you can wrap yourself in sterile wrap, and be the cleanest guy in Britain, then on your grave you can have it carved in stone, 'Most antiseptic man in the country, but while he was alive he never really lived a life'. 

The Empire State Building, an ode to human endeavor, took (incredibly) only one year and 45 days to complete - in 1931. If the workers kept to your standard, it would have probably been 1971.

'Hold on a few minutes, the work crew on the 37th floor are all taking a shower ... they think they might be contaminated'. 

The internet kicked off in the late 20th century ... 

Alright, you've probably got the idea.

 

Edited by paradoxer
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I swear I’m trying hard with this. But it’s like even if my hand goes near my butt, I’m thinking I’m contaminated. I know what you are saying. Normal people don’t think in contamination.  I’m just severely stressed out. 

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2 hours ago, BigDave said:

I swear I’m trying hard with this. But it’s like even if my hand goes near my butt, I’m thinking I’m contaminated. I know what you are saying. Normal people don’t think in contamination.  I’m just severely stressed out. 

The problem isn’t the thought you have, it’s treating that thought as if it matters. It’s true, non-sufferers (aka “normal” people) probably don’t often think they might be contaminated like you do. But sometimes that idea might cross their mind. The difference is it doesn’t stick and so they don’t bother responding to it. Unfortunately for you, as a sufferer, the thought got stuck. But you can still respond to the thought in the same way a non-sufferer would, by treating it as unimportant. At first it will be harder, yes, but if you persist it will become easier and automatic. It’s ok to keep having these thoughts, not ideal, but ok. In time, if you don’t respond to them, they will fade. 

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4 hours ago, BigDave said:

I swear I’m trying hard with this. But it’s like even if my hand goes near my butt, I’m thinking I’m contaminated. I know what you are saying. Normal people don’t think in contamination.  I’m just severely stressed out. 

Dave, I don't doubt your earnestness, but it's not good enough, for you, buddy. Many of us here know only too well, the rubber band effect, the immediate urge to react with a ritual. If you want these nonsensical reactions to cease, you have to tough it out. Your call mate, you're Dave's boss, don't let it be the disorder. 

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I truly appreciate all of your advice. It's good to know that you care. 

I can't believe how much I'm struggling at the moment from all this sort of stuff. I feel like there are so many things that are freaking me out. I am actually afraid to fill out forms because I worry that I am going to type the wrong thing or some sensitive number or code. My therapist tells me that websites don't look to store incorrect attempts for passwords and stuff anyway and they'd not notice but that doesn't make me completely freak out over it all. I don't know whether it is simply that I'm on a low dose of aripiprazole at the moment but I have high levels of paranoia and generalised anxiety. Like half the time I think I'm typing in passwords or codes into the wrong thing and that someone is going to come and access my account and steal everything from me. I'm in a CONSTANT state of panic.  I'm just so miserable at the moment...

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I sympathize about the pass word stuff, all you ever hear about these days are security breaches, but it's a case of OCD wants me to put all my money under my bed and not go within 10 miles of anything electronic just to be on the safe side!

It think it's fine to be security minded , but you can't cover all events, and most people don't worry to much, in fact as long as your password is better than Password, you are doing better than most people I know.

Bottom line, if you live never taking any risks you don't really live at all 

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And just because I think is funny, a security story.

I got very worried about criminals going through my rubbish and getting personal information from my thrown away mail. (Cos OCD).

So to protecting myself I got a shredder....

Talk about exquisite agony..

I must shred my stuff to protect me from supervillains, but what if I shred the wrong thing? What if I need the thing I have destroyed.

It that point of no return like pressing send on a email, or popping a letter in the Pillerbox.

Any way I got over it..

Then I saw on TV that the CIA or FBI, or someone, could stick the long strips that my shredder makes back together..

Well at least that gives me a chance to retrieve stuff I mistakenly dumped.

But obviously I don't want major international spys looking at my shipping address!

So I got a better shredder...

And I'm back to square one.

 

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