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O Neg

POCD. Running Riot.

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POCD is running riot at the moment with me. It is targeting my lovely grandchildren. It seems to have the ability to take a lovely memory and twist it out of shape into something dark and quite different. The thoughts relate to events ranging to up to a year ago. There were no alarm bells going off in my head at the time when I was relatively well and the disorder ran at a low level, but it is sure having a field day now. OCD is without doubt a cruel disorder. It makes one question one's morals and ethics and even sanity with the 'what if' question?

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Yes it does. Please keep your head on the right track. It seems to me you are in a great amount of pain, even dough you dont use those words, but you dont ask for reassurance, so thats a good thing:)

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Yes ocdishell, you are quite right. I am in a great deal of pain, I've never known anything quite like it.. The thoughts I have are very upsetting. Since this started about six weeks ago, I have lost a great deal of weight and my stomach is almost always knotted. My sleep is also affected ranging from no sleep per night up to a maximum of about 5 hours. I love my grandchildren so much, but I fear my relationship could be poisoned by these terrible POCD thoughts as I cannot engage with them in quite the same way as I once could, which is absolutely tragic for all concerned.

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Actually, you can engage with your grandchildren and you should, often. You think the right thing to do is to back away from them but that only makes your OCD stronger.

Avoiding them is a compulsion. Compulsions don't work the way you think. They draw attention to the intrusive thoughts, ensuring you get more in the future.

The proper way forward is to tell your OCD to take a leap and be with your grandchildren lots. If nasty thoughts come, ignore them. They're just thoughts. Don't give them your power.

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Polar Bear is quite right.  The way forward us not to avoid being with your Grandchildren, despite the fear.  OCD is maintained by compulsions.  As you are here, I guess you know that OCD is the cause of your distress, despite it feeling so real (been there, done that, got a hundred t-shirts).  You can't run away from this or hide or solve it by avoidance.  You aren't saving your Grandchildren from harm either because there isn't any.......other than missing out from having their Grandad active in their lives.

Are you getting any help with this from anywhere?

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O Neg, the terrible irony is that the solution to the OCD 'dilemma', is only a tiny step away (when in the trenches we rarely see that) then the sweet air of freedom. Want to 'solve' this. Don't engage with the question. 

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