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Massively triggered


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Hi everyone, 

I have found that I have been doing so much better with my OCD the last couple of weeks compared to what I was a month ago. I have had some really ‘normal’ days and stopped most compulsions and felt like I was truely getting past this relapse. 
 

I seem to struggle more on the days I have off work which at the moment is 2 days and the other 5 days I have been functioning pretty well with little anxiety.

however have felt it creeping back the last few days and then yesterday was massively triggered and feel totally back to square one. 
 

I read a story on the dailymail about the suicide of Ruth Langsfords sister after a long battle with depression and it has massively triggered me. 
 
my anxiety is through the roof, to the point of vomiting this morning. Just scared that I am not going to recover and that I will keep relapsing my whole life and will get so down and sick of it that I will act. 
I love my family so much it hurts. And the thought that I could do something to hurt them  makes me cry, shake, ruminate. I’ve had this theme on and off for about 7 years and I just can’t seem to get over the fear.

 

sorry for the rant I just feel so alone.

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I have been massively spiked again today. 
 

I feel psychically I’ll! 
 

was just scrolling through Facebook and cane across a news article about a woman the same age as me committing suicide. She had small children and said in her note that she’s sorry but mummy’s head got too sick. And these words are stuck in my head. and I have a little boy and I am terrified that I am going to do this to him. I have always reassured myself because I love him so much that I would never do it but now this has me questioning it.

i am crying in work. I just feel this story is too similar to me and I can’t handle it 

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This girl was making plans to go on holiday and see friends and then just decided to kill herself coz she was so sad. What makes me different from her! I have called my mum in tears and am on my way home from work.

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1 hour ago, CAH_05 said:

What makes me different from her!

Everything, you are not her, you are not anyone but yourself.

It's tragic that she had killed herself, but it's got no more effect on you than any thing else you read.

I read something about Andy Murray winning Wimbledon,

It's not going to make me a tennis champ.

You reading about a suicide doesn't make it more likely.

It does make you upset though.

I bet you didn't accidentally, find the story. Stop googling suicide!

You worry about suicide but from your posts it's the last thing you want to do.

In the end you are going to have to sit it out, you have done it before.  I totally believe you can do it again.

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2 minutes ago, Closed for repairs said:

Everything, you are not her, you are not anyone but yourself.

It's tragic that she had killed herself, but it's got no more effect on you than any thing else you read.

I read something about Andy Murray winning Wimbledon,

It's not going to make me a tennis champ.

You reading about a suicide doesn't make it more likely.

It does make you upset though.

I bet you didn't accidentally, find the story. Stop googling suicide!

You worry about suicide but from your posts it's the last thing you want to do.

In the end you are going to have to sit it out, you have done it before.  I totally believe you can do it again.

? all of this is true!

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Thank you for your replies

 

i have calmed down a lot compared to this afternoon but still feel abit shaken. 
 

ive has the same theme for about 8 years with a huge relapse about every 2 years. I just hate it so much, why do I keep relapsing? I really want to move past this theme. 

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